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I want a boyfriend but need some advice
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi I need some advice please. I have never had a
boyfriend and would like to have one. I am conscious
of the way i look and feel that this is why i have not got one
but also as i am very shy and often go out with one friend
on their own and often just to the cinema or for a mcdonalds
or a meal. Basically i am very worried about the way i look as
i feel very ugly and feel worried that i look old but i'm a young person.
boyfriend and would like to have one. I am conscious
of the way i look and feel that this is why i have not got one
but also as i am very shy and often go out with one friend
on their own and often just to the cinema or for a mcdonalds
or a meal. Basically i am very worried about the way i look as
i feel very ugly and feel worried that i look old but i'm a young person.
0
This discussion has been closed.
Comments
You say you would like a boyfriend but don't just go for the first person you find, you need to make sure the person you are with is someone you care about.
Do you have anyone in mind or who you are interested in, get to know them before deciding or not whether you want to go further
Check out thesite relationship section for some more information.
http://thesite.org/sexandrelationships
Ugliness is something you can only partially control. Wear your hair that it suits you, lose weight if you are fat, accentuate your good traits, etc. but don't fret anymore about it. You have what you got and you need to deal with it. You don't always get dealt two aces, but sometimes just a 2 and a seven. You can't change it. Either you fold (give up, get cats, die alone) or you play your hand. Everyone has some sort of detriment. Some just have an ingrown toenail, other have a crooked nose, others have a tiny penis, others have frankenstein boobs and others a face like sin. Fuck it, why would you fret it? Fretting and being concerned about it doesnt make it go away, but makes it noticeable and this can only be disadvantageous. Act like it's not a big deal and it won't be.
Online has it's risks but there's way to "vet" people before you get too close to them (and meet them) and I'm literally dumbstruck by the amount of people that don't do this. Speak to them on the phone, get them to go on webcam, get their Facebook and you can even look up their name online to see if they appear on the electoral roll on 123 people where you can make sure they're telling the truth about not only themselves/their location but their parents/siblings although not everyones details are on the electoral roll, but it's a plus if they are. It might feel a bit stalkerish, but I have experience with meeting fakes and being a fake online myself when I was 13-15 and I've seen the heartache and trauma this puts people through.
I don't suggest dating websites. They work for some people, but I've always felt that preengineered matchmaking makes it feel really false, but then again I prefer partners that are actually friends first, there's loads of forums (like this) on the internet where you can meet guys. If you're at or going to college or especially university, there's societies you can join there. As for your appearance, I'd be lying if I said looks didn't matter. You don't have to be a super model to get a boyfriend/girlfriend (if you did we wouldn't have 5 billion people in this world lol), but your looks for the most part are fairly easy to change. You can try wearing make-up/new styles of make-up, you can lose weight and get toned, you can get a new hairstyle to suit your face, you can wear different clothes. You should always be presentable but tbh I'm a firm believer in being yourself, if you're a tomboy, don't start wearing tarty stuff just because you think it'll attract guys, you'll just become more unhappy and probably attract the wrong sort of guy.
You've been posting photos of yourself under various different usernames asking for feedback on the way you look - but compliments aren't going to help unless you feel good about yourself and confidence is what attracts potential mate material.
I think the best thing for you to do right now is decide how you want to look/be/be perceived/feel and working towards that. This isn't you trying to fit yourself into what ever is in fashion or society's ideals, this is you deciding what you want to be for you and working on achieving it. Who you want to be might change in 18 months time - I change who I want to be perceived as on a daily basis depending on how I'm feeling and what it is I need to get done that day.
Once you've got a grasp on confidence, then go socialise - whether that be with people at work/college/local youth club whatever. Socialise with guys and gals, and just make friends with people and see where things go. Don't force it, because if it doesn't work out it will leave you feeling really down about it all, when it could be just that the other person is interested in someone else or isn't looking for anything more than friendship. I would suggest not doing things online until you have had a least a good handful of experiences in the real world.
I hope that helps
I think you've already been given a heap of good advice by your fellow board friends - but I just thought the following two TheSite articles might give you some food for thought.
Low self esteem
Building self esteem
It sounds like you're quite preoccupied with how you look, but feeling good about yourself is about feeling good on the inside as well so hopefully those articles will be useful.
Let us know how you get on.
Hugs
Holly