Home Health & Wellbeing
Need support urgently? Head to this thread.

Can't cope (triggering?)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I can't cope any more.
Every day gets worse and worse, I don't want to be alive.
I ran away, tried to kill myself and ended up being dragged to hospital by police.

I really wish I was still where I ran to, it felt safer there than home. I don't want to be here. Everything hurts so much. My boyfriend left me for another girl, and he was the only thing keeping me here, so now I have nothing. I haven't been to school all week, haven't eaten or slept properly.
I can't see anything changing anytime soon. I just want to sleep and sleep and never wake up.

Sorry for this everyone, but I needed to get it out. Sick of lying and putting on a fake smile.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First of all big hugs hun *hug*

    Sounds like you're in the midst of a real low at the moment and your boyfriend going off with someone else is the last thing you need. Life is an absolute bitch sometimes :(

    Not eating or sleeping is going to make things feel a whole lot worse, your thoughts will be all muddled and you'll be feeling crap without any decent food inside you.

    Maybe just try and do some really small things to be kind to yourself, treat yourself to something you know you really like, even just a small snack or something and see if you can get some sleep tonight.

    Chat's open tonight with JenR from 8pm so there'll be lots of friendly folk if you're looking for a distraction you know you're always welcome. And try to remember that as hard as it seems right now, life is always changing and moving forward, things can get better so don't be afraid to reach out to people you can trust or support that's helped in the past.

    Thinking of you, keep posting, we're always here to listen :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Broken-Angel,

    As Jo said, can you try and do some things that you enjoy? Maybe some reading or just listening to the type of music you like? Also I find watching comedy shows helps me and I know you like them, Lee Evans does it for me.

    As for your ex, I think you should think about the amount of times you've been hurt by boys and how many times you have been in a similar situation to this and managed to overcome it, hopefully that will give you some sort of strength to keep going. But maybe lay of the boys for a little while? Just to give yourself some time to breathe and support yourself. I know you have a tendancy to help other people when they need support (and theres nothing wrong with that!) but remember that first and foremost your needs are more important than anybody elses.

    Try and stay strong and I think many people will agree with me when I say that were all routing for you! (I bloody am!)

    As ive said, feel free to contact me anytime you would like and remember that you are stronger than you think. Hope to hear an update from you soon beautiful, i love you. :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm completely seconding what MeganM said, that is brilliant advice. I'm also sending you a massive *hug*.

    Have you got another place you can go to, other than home, where you can take some time to make yourself feel even the smallest bit better? Maybe you could watch some comedy, have a nice long bath, bake a cake?

    You always give great advice, just remember to look after yourself *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can't do it any more. Not safe. Need help. CAMHS haven't phoned back, phoned them 3 times yesterday. Can't cope.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hang in there BA, please?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Really trying, I washed my hair today. I passed out and was sick when I got out the bath, but I managed to wash my hair for the first time in over a week... that's a positive thing I think.
    I have volunteering at oxfam tomorrow, dreading it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Broken-Angel,

    Hope you got over being sick earlier. Sorry you're having such a crappy time *hug*

    Have you been eating? Even something small as Jo7 suggested.

    I agree with what MeganM said about being hurt, at the time in the moment you're in it feels unbearable. You don't want somebody who'd do that in your life, keep going, like most of us you'll likely look back in the future and think what the heck was I bothered about!

    dp :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Broken-Angel,

    I know things are hard right now but i really urge you to push through. Please keep in mind that CAMHS dont work at the weekends and if you rang after 5 o'clock on friday then they wont recieve it until monday morning. Im sure they arent ignoring you and they will get back to you after the weekend is through.

    I know from experience that when I get down I tend to ignore any advice thats given to me and in a sense I do 'wallow in self pity' but could you try to just do little activities that will leave you feeling abit less heavy hearted? Your a very intelligent girl and im sure you know that exercise (even walking) releases endorphins in your body which make you feel happier. These are the same ones released when a person s/h but are much healthier. From the sounds of it your exhausted but please put any effort you have into keeping yourself busy.

    You said that you've got volountary work tomorrow, remember that if you start to feel weak then you should go home, the employees at Oxfam will understand.

    Hope to hear an update from you soon and keep strong please. :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MeganM wrote: »
    . Please keep in mind that CAMHS dont work at the weekends and if you rang after 5 o'clock on friday then they wont recieve it until monday morning. Im sure they arent ignoring you and they will get back to you after the weekend is through.

    :yes:

    there should be someone there to give you some advice first thing tomorrow morning. i know that's not much use today but it's really not far away now. there are emergency medics on call at the weekend but they are more likely to be dragging you to the hospital types so the best bet is to stay as safe as possible today and call CAMHS again in the morning.

    just do what you can today. hold on tightly and keep yourself as safe as you can.
    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I phoned CAMHS when they were there. They said they'd phone back, they didn't. Given up with them now.

    I went to Oxfam today, it was alright, kept me busy for a bit at least so that was good. And then I ate a salad, so that's good too.
    I have to go back to school tomorrow, haven't been in since monday morning last week. Don't know how I'll cope with out being able to burn myself, it's the only thing getting me through the day now. Dreading it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Broken-angel,

    I am sorry you have had some trouble getting hold of CAMHS, Is there someone you could leave a message with and explain that you are urgently trying to contact them ??.

    It was good that you went out to oxfam today and that you are doing things to keep you occupied and getting out and about !! Great news !!, If you can try and get into the routine of doing small things like this frequently I think you will really feel the benefit of this. It is also great that you had something to eat and try to do this as often as possible too by just snacking on small things if you are struggling to eat bigger meals.

    You say that you are dreading going back to school, this must be really tough for you but try to focus on the positive things that you have achieved today and try to focus on it being a positive day tomorrow too !*hug*

    Please remember that we our here for you at the site and carry on to post and let us know how you are getting on !!

    Take Care
    B:thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    have you started your CAMHS treatment yet or are you on the waiting list after an assessment?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Because I was an urgent case it was going to start straight after my assessment, but I walked out of one of the sessions because the man kept saying things I didn't like, and he wouldn't let me talk about what I really needed to.

    I slept in my uniform last night to force myself to go to school today. Still don't want to go.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ah. do you have another appointment coming up? if you do then you could ask if there is any chance that it could be brought forward. if not, ask exactly what the situation is (i.e. are you being discharged) and if they were planning on discontinuing treatment tell them that you are in crisis and need to be seen as soon as possible. i know your experience so far has been a bit crap but the problem with most nhs services is that because they are so busy they can't always chase you, so you have to keep phoning and writing and doing whatever it takes to get their attention.

    how did you get on today?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They are having a meeting about me on Wednesday and I'll be called then. Mum says she wants to go private, but I doubt that'll make a difference.
    Today has been difficult, I did a few of my lessons at school though, and I managed to stay for the whole day (just not always in class, but in pastoral) teachers were really nice. They let me wear jeans because the blood would seep through my tights if I wore a skirt, and they got me bandages for my arms.
    I've managed to eat a salad and a biscuit and two crumpets today. I was crying a lot eating the crumpets, but my mum said she'd force feed me if I didn't eat.

    I am a bit worried about my burns, I don't know if any of you will be able to help but they've blistered and I'm really scared the blisters are going to pop? Or will they just go down? When I went to hospital with burns before they popped them there, but I know you aren't supposed to do them yourself (and I really don't want to go back to hospital)
    Thank you all so much for caring, it does mean so much to me to have the support from thesite.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well done for staying at school, that is a good achievement for today :)

    I definitely think you should leave the burns as they are- they should go down by themselves when they are ready. By popping them you risk infection, and that's not particularly nice! The hospital would have popped them with sterile items, hence why they can get away with it. You could cover them, either with clingfilm if they are fresh or something like gauze if they are slightly older. Gives them a bit of protection against any accidental scratches or knocks. It's good to let them breath as much as possible too.

    Have you got school again tomorrow? *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yea I have school :( Really really don't want to go. Keep telling myself I just have to get through this week and then it's the holidays, but this week seems very long...
    Can't believe that it's nearly christmas either, don't feel christmassy at all
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    CAMHS appointment in 15 mins. Nurse appointment at 2.10. Can't feel my arm. Very scared
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hows your arm B-A? Is it any better or has it just stayed the same?

    How did you CAMHS appiontment go this morning? Was any progress made? :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Still feels weird, have a burns dressing and a bandage on it which is annoying. Getting it all changed on Friday morning.
    CAMHS was okay... they're having a meeting about me tomorrow, getting referred to a psych doctor for meds I think, and then to a place for survivors of sexual trauma alongside my CAMHS treatment
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Broken-Angel

    Its good news that things are moving along for you.

    Keep us updated on how your getting on.

    Keep posting! *hug*

    Phil :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That sounds like they're really trying to help you :)
    I hope it goes well :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Quote from today's phone call with camhs man "Why are you coming back to CAMHS if you're suicidal? Why don't you just kill yourself?"
    I told him I wouldn't go back and hung up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi BA,

    sorry to hear the call didn't go well with CAMHS *hug*

    I'm hoping that they weren't saying it in a way to provoke upset but more trying to lead you into opening up about your motivation for moving forward.

    Don't give up on it all together,

    dp :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hope you are feeling a bit better x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you :) I had a really bad panic attack earlier, but I've managed to eat something now, so that's good... About to make a cup of tea as well :)
Sign In or Register to comment.