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not doing great

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been feeling down in the dumps for a while now and a complete lack of motivation to do anything. I'm going to try and seperate my silly issues out.

Some of it is to do with my MA in Social Work course. Feeling a complete lack of support. I have dyslexia and dyspraxia and finally got my equipment through like laptop, dictaphone etc which is great and my disability advisor had been so helpful but then maybe a month ago now I emailed her to ask about arranging a personal tutor as I'm really struggling retaining all this info and it helps to talk through everything with someone. No reply. Emailed again and got a standard 'Busy time of year..dealing with emails in order of importance' but that was weeks ago. Before this I had emailed twice the personal tutor she reccomended. No reply from this person. This uni seems incapable of answering emails.

This happened again but within my department. Everyone has been allocated a personal tutor to talk through their research ideas for the dissertation. Sent 2 emails to her to arrange a meeting but nothing. Sent an email to another tutor who I would have preferred to talk through my research idea. Nothing. Sent an email to head of course saying I cant seem to get hold of anyone and that I'm struggling because the disability dept are being crap. She ignored all of the struggling in lectures bit and just said she'd grab hold of my personal tutor. Low and behond a reply that day and a meeting with her to discuss my research ideas with her the very same day. She made it clear she was under stress and working on her own research. What is the point in her being a personal tutor if she doesnt have any time??

Still on the subject of my course- we were supposed to be allocated a placement in October. The majority of students have been allocated placements with a few of us left over. We keep being told to be patient and how difficult everything is. But in the lectures, especially the theory we get asked to think of an example from our placement and how to apply theory. Which would be so, so helpful to my style of learning if I even had a placement. I listen in lectures and it goes in my head and I think 'oh that's interesting' and then it's out again because my short term memory is so shit. I'm already at a disadvantage because of my learning difficulties and theyve put me at another disadvantage and I've no idea how I'm going to catch up now.

The next point of stress for me has been unemployment. Because I've been waiting and crossing my fingers for a placement I've just been looking at weekend jobs and getting no where. Everytime I go out it seems I am met with shit customer service and it just gets me so down because I am applying for retail jobs and I know I'd be really good at it but again 'lack of experience'... I'm pretty much a house wife at the moment which is boring the crap out of me. My boyfriend is being so patient and kind and sweet but I know it's only a matter of time before he starts to resent me.

And now it's all falling apart because I don't have a purpose anymore = lack of self confidence + the nice aggressive behaviour I had the other week from a complete stranger = very sad and upset rachael.

To just push the misery a bit further in this post. I was walking down the stairs this morning crying and carrying laundry and wondered what would happen if I fell down the stairs. Would my boyfriend find my body when he came in? Which naturally of course and healthily led onto ... what if I OD'd today? Would people understand how shit I feel?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi clemetine_the_tangerine:wave:,

    I am sorry that you are feeling down at the moment, It sounds like you have got a lot going on and that can seem very confusing for you.

    It may be worth contacting a senior tutor at your university and asking about your personal tutor if you have not been able to contact her, there may be a good reason for this and they may be able to arrange someone else temporarily to support you.

    It sounds like your boyfriend is being really supportive and i'm sure he understands that you are feeling like this it the moment.

    I hope things start to look up for you soon and please keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.

    Tc :thumb:,

    B.
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    becky001 wrote: »
    It sounds like you have got a lot going on .

    :yes: definitely.

    -Not having a placement for your social work MA.
    -Feeling frustrated with your tutors (your tutor telling you that they're stressed out seems unfair as that's what they should be talking to their manager about rather than the person they're supposed to be supporting)
    -Being unemployed and fear of your boyfriend resenting you for it.
    -Having recently experienced aggressive behaviour from a stranger
    -Feeling the pressure generally and that you have no purpose.

    This is a quite a list and I hope it helped to get it all of your chest - I know it's been a day or two so aware that you may be feeling a little differently by now, but just wanted to reply to let you know that all of this is important.

    I think what I'm about to say will be familiar...but rather than seeing all these things as a tower of problems that's about to come crashing down around you, it can help to breaking things down, work out what's most important and is causing you the most upset and try to primarily focus on that.

    Some issues can feel better with a little perspective and ongoing communication (with your guy) and others it can be about perservering, identifying the right people to talk to (uni) and making sure you can be open and honest with the people closest to you. Also, keep up the writing, I genuinely think you're really good...have you ever thought about writing relating to the social care sector?

    I know in the past you've done some volunteering and I seem to remember it was related to your social work? Is this something you can take up again? Also, in terms of unemployment and your boyfriend, if you keep him in the loop about everything you're applying for and continue to prove how pro-active you're being about looking, then he may well continue to be kind and supportive, and maybe he'll have some suggestions or know some people who can get you a foot in the door.

    In terms of the uni issues, do you have a union where you could go to get some support? Student welfare may be sympathetic and have some suggestions on how to get the most from your tutors - the key here is that you are bright and engaged and it's really important that your enthusiasm is harnessed so that at the end of your MA you feel really confident about going forward in the sector, if that's what you'd really like to do.

    Finally, I really like your knack for identifying the funny, quirky things that make people smile on a day-to-day basis...keep doing that, let yourself feel shit from time to time, that really is OK...but then remember that life is weird and interesting and you deserve to be in the middle of it. :)

    Hope some of this helps a little. *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Becky and Helen. I feel I've made some progress since I last posted. Managed to finally get a response from my disability advisor after emailing again only to be told I have a new disability advisor. Maybe that's for the best... But I made an appointment to see her next Monday. I also emailed the student reps quite a long email and they will be bringing up my complaints at the staff meeting on 15th December.

    Volunteering. I don't know. I did enjoy it and now it's going to look like I'm making excuses but I feel like my confidence is pretty shattered from being in the house all this time apart from 2 days a week at uni and getting multiple job rejections. If I were to volunteer I would want it to be somewhere I felt safe because I feel like one more in my face confrontation or patronising comment is likely to blow me over. I've been on the doit.org website and Christmas volunteering with the homeless has always appealed to me but I feel like I'm going to make a complete tit out of myself.

    Also Helen thanks for being so kind about my blog, it really made me smile today and actually came at the perfect time :) Experiencing a bit of passive-aggressiveness over facebook though. Some guy who I always suspected was misogynist and is a bit of a wannabe comedian got in a huff over one of my blog entries and directed an entire update to it, implictly yet explicitly declaring that I'm a 'fucking idiot' and a 'tosser'. I just chose to ignore it, I can see he wants some kind of response out of me. I read this really interesting article today you might be interested in http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/laurie-penny-a-womans-opinion-is-the-miniskirt-of-the-internet-6256946.html . 'A Woman's Opinion is the Miniskirt of the Internet'.. Such a cool article name :thumb:

    I have written about a lecture I hated before without stating the name of the lecturer and the uni I attend. Though that's pretty obvious if you've got me on facebook. In relation to social care sector- I'm not sure. At the moment it feels out of my depth and I'd be blagging it but as I start my dissertation (if it ever gets approved) I'd like to post tid bits from that.

    I'm feeling okayish today but my boyfriend has headed back to his mum's for two nights to geek out with his brother. It's just me and the kitty. Today I'm just trying not to get too down about things and not let that idiot on facebook stop me blogging.
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    I just chose to ignore it, I can see he wants some kind of response out of me. .

    How horrible :( Definitely a good call to ignore!
    I read this really interesting article today you might be interested in http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/laurie-penny-a-womans-opinion-is-the-miniskirt-of-the-internet-6256946.html . 'A Woman's Opinion is the Miniskirt of the Internet'.. Such a cool article name :thumb:.

    Aha, I've read this journalist's stuff before and she's really prolific on Twitter - lots of food for thought there and as you say, cool title!

    Hope you manage to enjoy the next two days and that the meeting on Monday goes well. :)

    Totally get your concerns in terms of volunteering, it can definitely be daunting and is really important to identify the right kind of role and place to be. I'll have a bit more of a think about it and chat with LauraO (volunteering queen at TheSite).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There are a lot of issues within universities at the minute. There is a lot of stress and, being completely honest, if you don't shout up a bit you get missed. I'll admit that I'm occasionally guilty of missing one email in a deluge (I had three daysb holiday last week and came back to 142 new emails...) and academic staff are worse off than me.

    I hope things are getting a bit easier.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Helen :) really appreciate your response. I still need to get me a twitter account!

    Arctic- I agree and I would usually shout up, I think it's bad timing all round because I'm feeling a bit delicate right now. I had sent my disability advisor 3 emails up until the last one I sent her which was at least 3 weeks from the first email I sent her. Diff advisor now though :thumb:
    and.. I subscribed to your blog! I'm not sure if I did it right, the blog homepage doesn't always show updates from every blog I've subscribed to which is really annoying.
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