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Is he ready to take things to the next stage?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been with my boyf for about 5 months now, and I feel ready to make the relationship more serious (i.e. have sex), but I'm just not sure he is.

Case in point, we were together the other day and I asked what he wanted for Christmas. He said "you" and I joked about for a bit, but then he said "no, I meant... never mind" and it didn't come up again.

Firstly, am I interpreting this in the wrong way? And secondly, should I be considering taking this step with someone who can't bring themselves to talk about sex outright yet? We are both 18 and in a committed relationship so I don't understand why he doesn't feel he can talk to me about this. Any ideas on how to broach the subject with him?
Thanks :)

Comments

  • *Holly**Holly* Moderator Deactivated Posts: 140 Settling in
    Hi there strawberriesrule

    Have you thought about asking him outright? It’ll probably be less confusing than trying to read meanings into his comments about Christmas presents, it’s hard without knowing your boyfriend to be sure. You say you feel ready to make the relationship more serious, but that doesn’t necessarily mean just having sex. Ideally, you should be able to talk about sex with the person you’re planning to sleep with. It can sometimes be a bit cringe but it’s important, even if it’s just to discuss practical stuff like contraception and STI testing. If you’re not comfortable having these sorts of conversations about sex then you might not be as ready as you think you are or it might be about finding the right moment to bring it up.

    This TheSite article Am I ready for sex? should be useful.

    You say you’re both 18 but you don’t mention if either of you are virgins. This might be a factor. First time sex ever can sometimes be a bigger scarier step then just sex with a new person. Talking with him about how you both feel might make it less daunting.
    In terms of how to broach the subject – the communication as a couple article should give you some food for thought. What about something like this:

    Something like “So, this is going to be a bit embarrassing as we haven’t really talked about it yet but you know how happy and I am with you and I think I’m ready to really be with you if you know what I mean... (nudge nudge)” Or something to that effect!

    Picking the moment and just being brave and sure about how you feel really. A bit scary to put it out there but once it’s in the open it likely won’t be half as awkward as you might think.

    I think it’s great you’re asking these sorts of questions beforehand. Good luck tackling that tricky conversation and let us know how you get on. :)

    Holly
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How can you say he is not ready for sex or talking about sex when you didn't even bring the topic up yet? Dropping hints like "What do you want for christmas?" and hope he will say "sex" to it so you can start the topic without feeling awkward sounds like YOU are not ready for it.

    How to broach the topic? How about "Hey boyfriend, what is your opinion of us having sex soon? Like tonight?"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree, the best way to find out is just to ask. You;re not going to get anywhere by dropping hints and hoping he'll pick up on them, or trying to decode his responses. Men dont do subtle hints, best way is to be direct
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So we talked

    I took your advice and just talked about everything with him and it was a really good and useful conversation. I think that he was just waiting for the right moment to bring it up too, and we are now really clear where the relationship is going.
    Thanks for your responses :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    we are now really clear where the relationship is going.

    Sexy Town.
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