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Ex boyfriend coming back to the UK. Not sure how to feel.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Earlier this week I found out that my ex (split up in 2009) is planning to return to the UK in the new year for maybe a month. I'm not sure how I feel to be honest. I cant make my mind up, one minute I desperately want to see him and at other times I want to avoid him.

It was a fairly amicable break up though it sucked at the time. It was a mutual decision as we decided it would never work with me being in the UK and him being in America.

We have kept in touch over the last two years and been on good terms. I just think it will be really weird seeing him. Part of me does want to get back together but then I cant help but think its more about me being lonely rather than me actually wanting him back. I thought I'd moved on but now I don't know.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you just broke up because of him moving away and now he is back for good, why not try again?


    /edit: derp. can't read. Just avoid him. Best not even meet up. (missed the he's back for a month part).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If he's back just for a month then try not to get too involved, easier said that done though. Pesonally I would meet up, try not to fall for him again, end up falling for him again, get hurt and go through lots of heartache again, not learn my lesson, repeat pattern as often as circumstances allow. Not sure this is recommended though. But I would say a planned meet up with my long distance ex did help me get over him in the long run I think.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know about us getting back together. I think he has moved on from that as he has had more of an opportunity to move on. He was in a relationship last year for six months or so whereas I haven't even met any datable guys since uni. I was in such a different place emotionally at the time our relationship ended, I felt like I had my whole life ahead of me and that there would be other guys out there.

    However I imagine us meeting will end up being an outing with several other friends rather than a one on one.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Strubbles the problem there is that it would take an uber-excuse for me not to go and meet with them. I don't really have much of a life outside of meating up with old uni buddies and there isn't a lot I'd put before a planned get together. Especially an excuse which does not progress to a huge ball of lies. We are fairly close as friends and I don't really want to lie to him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    JanePerson wrote: »
    a huge ball of lies. We are fairly close as friends and I don't really want to lie to him.

    And you shouldn't. If I was in your position I would just tell him that under other circumstances you would love to meet up, but you are afraid you are not completely over him yet and fear it could rekindle things, which would hurt again once he moves away again.

    Why excuses and lies, if you can just explain to him what the real problem is?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its not just him. My friends are going to wonder why I don't want to meet up. I never miss a chance to meet up with them so its going to look odd. I haven't really spoken to any of them about this as until now I thought I was more or less over him. I don't think I seriously want him back, its just a little bit of me that hankers after the old life we had together.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    JanePerson wrote: »
    Its not just him. My friends are going to wonder why I don't want to meet up. I never miss a chance to meet up with them so its going to look odd. I haven't really spoken to any of them about this as until now I thought I was more or less over him. I don't think I seriously want him back, its just a little bit of me that hankers after the old life we had together.

    Still no problem, in my opinion.

    Either see the friends without the guy, and if this is not possible, because you are all an old clique, just go together. You can talk to whoever you want without anyone thinking you are purposefully ignoring him. If I had obvious or uncertain feelings for a person and I want to get over said person a meeting with just us two is not a good idea, but in a group of people I can just talk to different people and not relate as much with the person in question. Coincidentally I've been in this situation just two weeks ago and I dreaded going. In the end it was no biggie.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well its not going to be until late March anyway now. I'm just going to go. Even if I get really upset I doubt I'll end up scarred for life and it might even bring me some closure.

    Its not really a simple case of being able to see my friends without him. I don't get to meet up with them that often because they live to far away, especially now we all have proper jobs and many of them are in long term relationships. I don't think I'll get to see any of them until that meet up in March as they are all so busy.
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