Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Losing her </3

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Okay, so if you know me, or have read previous posts you might know me and my best friend are incredibly close. and now we have got into 6th form and the year has started.
my best friend has recently had a few dilemmas with her gf (shes a lesbian) and ive been there for her, trying to advise her etc the best i can. if honest i dont really know if she appreiciates it. they broke up, and then didnt speak for ages, she (best friend) started to hang out with some other people in the common room and now ive got really close with them all because ive spent so much time with them.
well now she is back with her gf and i think im loosing her because she never wants to talk or hang out with me, without her and her gf. this could sound really selfish but i dont want her to be with her gf like all the time. i want my best friend to hang out with me, just me. that selfish?
shes completely changed, shes also talking about her all the time, and i love both of them loads, we are all so close, but its like shut up, i dont care, i just wana say that but i cant.
the reason they broke up was because my best friend cheated on her gf. because i found out after my BOYFRIEND telling me instead of her her gf broke up with her as she was finding to hard, so it wasnt actually my fault. but the girl she cheated with, someone who i never got on with, shes always picking fights with me because shes jealous of me and my best friend, and the relationship. well when she found out she wrote on my facebook 'hey shit stirring dog, woof woof' and 'you generally make sick, making up sick rumors about your supposed best friend and me. and now i make your life hell. youve messed around with the wrong girl' etc etc. and just generally making threats. everyone on my facebook joined in and basically backed me up. but then it went into chat, and it just got nasty. because she was just so jealous.
the reason why i wrote that ^^ was because my best friend denied getting her involved and blamed everything on me. even though shes blabbed my secrets the week before. i forgave her, but she found it impossible to talk to me for a week. when i finally got to talk to her and make her realise that it wasnt me making up shit rumors she didnt care that i was getting basically death threats on my facebook, my BEST friend didnt care?
i just feel like im loosing her and i dont know what to do anymore, i mean theres nothing i can do, i never hang out with her, she goes to a different place at breaks, id go with her, but im now closer to the people i hang out with now instead. it breaks my heart to think im loosing her, just dont know what to do. any suggestions? each time i try talking to her she just denies everything and changes subject.
Any help?


  • Options
    *Holly**Holly* Deactivated Posts: 140 Helping Hand
    Hey there Looking4help

    It sounds like your friend might’ve hurt your feelings in a number of ways and it’s understandable you’re upset - especially as you’ve always been so close.

    Firstly, she’s committed the cardinal-friendship sin of dropping her friends because she’s so caught up in her new relationship. This is very normal behaviour – the beginning stages of love can be pretty overwhelming – but it doesn’t make it any less hurtful for the friends who feel thrown to one side. Usually the novelty of a new relationship wears off and you’ll probably start seeing more of her soon, but it seems like there’s other issues in your friendship as well that perhaps need tackling?

    You mention that you don’t think your friend appreciates you and that she “didn’t care” when you were going through a tough time. I know you’ve tried to talk to her about the strain on your friendship and she’s not been very receptive, but this article (when mates go bad) may help if you decide to give it another go. In a friendship you should be able to express how you feel.

    It also sounds like you may be concerned that the two of you may be drifting apart – you say you feel like you’re “losing her’. People change dramatically as they’re growing up and, though it’s very sad, it is usual to grow apart from friends as you evolve more into being the people you’re going to be. I know your friend is very special to you, but it might be worth focusing on yourself more and boosting your social circle so you’re not so dependent on her. You mention that you’ve got closer to lots more people and it could be a positive step to work on those friendships too.

    As for the Facebook remarks you’ve been dealing with, that can’t have been easy :( This article on Cyberbulling may be helpful. Jealousy among friendships is common, but this girl’s behaviour is unacceptable and there’s some really sound advice in this article about how to deal with this kind of thing. It might be worth deleting her as a Facebook friend as well to protect yourself from further abuse.

    It does sound like a complex situation and if you just want to rant about it further – here’s the place to do it ;) You sound like you’ve got a lot to give and you’ve been really patient and understanding and you deserve to be appreciated, friendships should be a two way thing after all.

    Big hug

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're getting threats, especially death threats, you need to contact the police!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey guys, thanks youve helped.
    i understand that its hard to keep friends with the ones from you childhood, but only a week ago we were talking about going to university together, and now this? just doesnt seem fair.. :(
    id go to the police but im kinda scared, and it hasnt happened for a while. ive kinda just ignored it.
    thanks for the advice, if you have any more im happy to listen x
Sign In or Register to comment.