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HELP!!! ADVICE Need - My Wife Health Issues

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been with my wife for 8 years, although we have only been married since August 2009. When i first met my wife, she was 20 years old and told me that she suffered from seizures since the age of 14, between the ages of 14 to 17 she had them real bad. But by the time i met her, they seemed to be under control and she would only have the odd one per year, and i could cope and deal with that.

But Since February 2010, her seizures have become real bad and she is having at least one a month, and our marriage has suffered really badly - she is seeing a neurologist and had all the the usual tests (MRI, EEG, ECG, etc etc). But they always seems to return negative, and the neurologist is convinced she has non-epileptic seizures, but hasn't confirm it yet.

The local authority department she works for, are making 17 members of staff redundant and it looks like she will be one of them, with her current health issues, it's highly unlikely she will be able to find alternative employment, until at least she gets them back under control, but god knows when that will be.

Her seizures are starting to effect not only her, but me also mentally, sometimes she doesn't get any warnings - and a couple a weeks ago, we had a rare trip to the cinema, and instead of enjoying the film, i was just praying my wife didn't have a seizure in a packed cinema, it's also got to the state, when she is having a good day and we go shopping, i virtually follow her, like a hawk, just in case she has one.

Her condition has put a big strain on our marriage, and on two seperate occassions my wife has packed a bag and has said she will return back home to her mums, she feels she is holding me back and thinks i need a life, because i have to do everything for her and it seems at the moment i am more of a carer than a husband. The only support i get is from her mum, who thank god looks after her, during the day, whilst i am at work.

To be honest when i am at my lowest ebb, and feel emotional -the only thing that is keeping me with her is our home, and i get thoughts if we could sell it. I would leave her and have a life again. (i know it sounds awful). :(

But I am at my wits end don't know what to do? :crying:

Any advice or help / info would be appreciated


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know from first hand experience how difficult it is to live with non-epileptic seizures, not just for the sufferer, but for partners and even friends too. I lost a fair few friends who thought I was faking it, mainly because I was still fully conscious when they happened (mine took the form of simple partial seizures). The strain any kind of long-term condition puts on a relationship can be tremendous, but I think the best thing to do is to seek outside help.

    Is she getting benefits? and if so have you made sure she's getting everything she's intitled to? Are you getting any kind of carers allowance?

    Having also been a carer for someone close to me (my mother), I also know how emotionally draining it can be. Get in touch with your local carers' association, they can offer emotional support and practical support with paperwork and getting additional help for your wife.

    Its totally understandable to be feeling the way you are, caring for someone single-handedly can be draining in so many ways, which is why reaching out to family, friends and organisations who can help you both is really important. Is it just purely the illness which has made you feel like this about your relationship, or were there issues beforehand? If there were relationship counselling might be helpful.

    Have you had an occupational therapist and social services come and do an assessment? They might be able to provide some equipment or give you so suggestions as to how your wife can gain back a little independence and lessen the burden on you.

    There are medications which can help non-epileptic seizure disorders, getting the dr to look into those might be helpful. She might also be able to get an assistance dog which could be of huge help as they can sense seizures and get help when someone is having a seizure.

    All is not lost! I know it can feel horrendous being on your own looking after someone you love who has this illness which you feel is pushing you away from them and caring for them becomes a chore, but there is support for people like you!

    Let us know if any of those suggestions help!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for your reply and helpful information miss_riot

    You have mention so much, that we didn't know - I'm sure the assistance dog, would be a great help to my wife, although i doubt our cat would be too impressed :)
    At the moment, my wife hasn't claimed any benefits, the only thing she managed to get is a free bus pass, because she gave up her driving licence to the DVLA.

    Thankfully the local authority have been paying her on full wages, so financially up to now we have been fine, But it looks like she is going to be made redundant and we should be ok for at least another 3 months.

    Because she has been in and out of work for so long, she has had to have reviews and on the 1st November, she has her final absence review, where we believe the council will dismiss her from her duties, so it's wiser to take redundancy pay.
    We haven't had social service or an Occ therapist come out, we have bought our own aids that she needs (bath chair, 2nd hand wheelchair, zimmer frame).

    We didn't know there are medicines for Non Epileptic Seizures (NES), at the moment she is on 500mg Lamotrogine, and Tramacet a drug for the headaches she suffers,
    The Hospitals and Neurologist have been good so far, offering her lots of tests and she has a tilt table test in about 6 to 8 weeks. also she has an appointment with a Pyschologist at the end of October - because the neurologist believes it's NES.

    Our relationship has always been good, and like any other couple we have had our arguments, but i believe we still love each other 100%. my wife feels quilty, because we don't have any sort of life and feels she is holding me back, but when she is having a good day, life is great and worth living. Although counselling could be a good option.

    I have taken on board, what you have said and will defo, get in contact with my local carers association, also make an appointment with CAB, to see if they can inform us which benefits she might be entitled too.

    once again thanks for replying :wave:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your very welcome! Keep us updated on how it goes!
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