Interfering family

Former Member

Me and my current boyfriend have been dating for a few months now and things got rocky along the way due to my family. My parents aren't too fond of him because he's religious and 2 and a half year(s) older than me, his parents/family are okay with us dating. They have admitted they prefer my ex, I don't know why though.

Each time something's wrong, they point out HE'S the problem, the reason why I'm upset, etc. but in my eyes, I've improved because he's helped me be myself.
He's avoiding my family and they don't want him around the house so we go for a walk and when we do go out for a few hours, he goes home and I'm left with my family controlling what I do.:banghead:

Could anyone please give me they're thoughts on this situation? I just want to know that if there is any other reasons to why this is happening.. xx

Former Member

Hi there Hanzy,

Sounds difficult, it's always hard when people you are close to don't get on - and situations with family and boyfriends often involve compromise when you are living at home. We have an article about problematic parents which might be useful to have a look at.

I don't know if other people have examples of how they have resolved a situation like this but, in many cases, the reasons why family behave like this is because they are concerned or worried about you (whether this is justified or not).

It may be one of those situations where you need to give it some time and try and show your parents the positive side of your boyfriend and the fact that you can be trusted to make the right decisions for you. Would it be possible to write them a letter, or sit down and speak to them (choose a time when everyone is calm and you have plenty of time). Explain how the situation is making you feel and that, while you appreciate that they may not be your boyfriend's biggest fan, you would really like them to be able to get on better, so maybe you could all spend some time together? You could also say that you would like to chat about the worries that they have about your boyfriend and try and reassure them. This might help them feel that you are taking on board their feelings, even if you don't act on or agree with all of them. You might find it useful to have a look at this article on mixed religion relationships which talks a bit about the issues this can cause with families.

If you speak to your boyfriend about this too, he may be prepared to come over, for example, for dinner or a cup of tea and try and make an effort with your parents so they can get to know him a bit better.

This way your parents can see that you are taking a mature approach to the issue and may be more willing to compromise.

I hope this helps a bit - best of luck!

Former Member

All I can advise you is sit your parents down in a way so they know a serious conversation is coming up (not talking in passing) so they don't escape of have excuses to do something else.

I do not know your boyfriend so I do have to take your word that he's a "good guy". If you are convinced of this, explain this to your parents, that you are hurt by them disapproving of your partner and that they shall explain their point of view to you too.

At least there is hoping that there is a misunderstanding.