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Please advise- love triangle that I have created

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey everyone,

Here goes- I have been going out with my gf for nearly 4 years, I'm in my mid twenties and she is of similar age. We get on quite well but basically to put it bluntly, I rarely feel the need to have sex with her anymore.

That brings me on my next point, a new extremely attractive girl at work has taken a liking to me. Making it obvious that she does have feelings for me, I do really fancy this girl but I'm unsure whether it would work long term, She is 18 you see..

My head is so messed up, i'm at the stage in my life where marriage,kids etc are soon to come if I stay in my current relationship. I feel like I do love my gf, but the passion has gone from my point of view. I just worry that if I finish things with her I will truly regret it after a while though, as I do get on with her really well and we have a lot in conmen.

But being a typical bloke I sometimes find it difficult to think with my brain and not something else, at work we often go out on nights out and the new girl did kiss me once..

Any advice guys?

This is going over and over and over in my head.


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there,

    From your post, it sounds like there are still a lot of positive things about your current relationship, you say you love her, you get on well, you have a lot in common and if you broke up with her, you are worried that you will regret it.

    However, you feel like the passion has gone and, as a result of this, you are wondering whether to act on the advances of a younger and attractive girl at work.

    It's probably worth trying to seperate the two things here. Would you still want to end things with your girlfriend if this other girl wasn't showing an interest? Is the lack of sex the main concern or is there something further?

    It's common for a couple's sex life to change as they are together longer. After that initial excitement and attraction period, the sex drive of one or the other or both can diminish, couples can settle into a routine which doesn't include sex as much as it used to and, while there are often other very positive elements to a long term committed relationship, they are different to the excitement of an initial attraction and can involve more compromise. There are a lot of suggestions and support for couples to help them out in this situation - for example this one from TheSite.org called shake up your sex life. You could also have a look at Relate's website - they do online counselling as well as face to face and you could get in touch together or seperately. There's also quite a good video on sex in relationships here.Long term relationships often do take some work and, you may find that, this area of your life with your girlfriend can be improved. Have you spoken about this concern with her at all? She may be feeling something similar and talking about it together may help you to work out how you feel about the relationship.

    Taking some time to try and resolve the issues you are concerned about before thinking about ending the relationship may help you to be certain about whatever decision you decide to make.

    Hope this helps - let us know how you get on.
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