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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Heyyy

I already wrote this out once but accidently deleted it :grump:

Just sort of writing this out to get stuff straight (like usual). I imagine nobody will read this, but I guess it could serve as an update for people who actually care.

So, had my psych appointment yesterday. Dr thinks borderline personality disorder explains a lot of my feelings, and that I fit the diagnostic criteria. I guess I always sort of thought that depression didn't really explain everything that was going on for me, so we'll see.

POSITIVE STUFF
-This guy is really cool (well *touch wood*). He properly listens to me and he always checked to see what I thought of his assessment of me - and doesn't treat me like an idiot. Also feels like he genuinely wants me to get better....
-I'm hoping that having a rough diagnosis will help me have more of an insight into my feelings. He has given me some titles of books to read and other info so I guess that is cool.
-I'm going on the waiting list for psychotherapy.
-He is referring me to a local service for people with personality disorders, and also combined with the referring my tutor has done, I've pretty much been referred / am being referred to everyone possible place that can help and support me.
-My boyfriend is still being wonderful, he came in with me for the appointment and :heart:


NOT SO POSITIVE STUFF
-Doctor says it will probably take me years to get better. A bit :banghead:. I know it was naive of me but I was sort of hoping that going to see him would just mean that I could try new drugs and I was hoping one would just make me feel better and that would be it.
-Waiting list for therapy is long. And also - it needs to be long term and this is going to be problematic with moving around the South West etc.
-I'm still torn between dropping out of uni this year and staying and battling through despite the pressure not helping. I've got friends, boyfriend and routine here, and actual stuff to do. Compared to at home, living in a small town, with noone around me.
-I hate how I treat my boyfriend. I guess being in a relationship has kind of highlighted exactly sort of how bad I am.
-I'm coming off ADs. They weren't helping (I don't think) but I'm worried about not being on anything at all. Especially with the wait for various other help, I'm worried about the prospect of feeling like this for the considerable future.

Hmm.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What ever you do, don't read a book called stop walking on eggshells. It paints people with BPD in a horrible light, and I found it really upsetting.

    Make sure you taper coming off the ADs, you can get pretty ill by just stopping them all together.

    I really hope you get some good support with this new diagnosis, and remember its just a label, it doesn't define who you are, or what you will become.

    Good Luck! :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    What ever you do, don't read a book called stop walking on eggshells. It paints people with BPD in a horrible light, and I found it really upsetting.

    Make sure you taper coming off the ADs, you can get pretty ill by just stopping them all together.

    I really hope you get some good support with this new diagnosis, and remember its just a label, it doesn't define who you are, or what you will become.

    Good Luck! :)

    Thanks! But shit! My boyfriend just bought that book with the aim of wanting to understand me more.... Uh oh!

    And with the ADs I'm going onto half dose then off them in a week or so.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Agree with Miss Riot about that book, I'm afraid.

    A diagnosis is just a term; it's how you handle the symptoms that matters.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote: »

    A diagnosis is just a term; it's how you handle the symptoms that matters.

    I know, I don't really care about getting an official diagnosis or anything. It's just nice having a rough idea about what is going on after feeling like I was going mad, and that there are other people who have the same problems I guess.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Man I don't know what to do. I find being at uni and the pressure of having to succeed and do work too much. I could probably get by going to all the stuff, but it is the extra things on top like placements and constant assessments that mean I can't just take a few weeks to chill out.

    But the alternative scares me even more. To be at home, with no routine, no purpose etc etc. Feel totally overwhelmed. :crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hug*

    Is there a tutor at uni you can go and speak too? Can they lower the extra work you have to do?

    Or alternatively is there an option of taking time out of your studies, and resuming them when you feel a bit more able to cope?

    I struggled through my degree and have found it gets better once you leave, but, are you doing medicine is I remember correctly?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hug*

    Is there a tutor at uni you can go and speak too? Can they lower the extra work you have to do?

    Or alternatively is there an option of taking time out of your studies, and resuming them when you feel a bit more able to cope?

    I struggled through my degree and have found it gets better once you leave, but, are you doing medicine is I remember correctly?

    Thanks :)

    Already spoken to my tutor - they're pretty much doing everything they can do. I can't do less work - am able to make people aware that I'm struggling, but it doesn't make a difference to the workload so I don't really see the point of doing that. Currently being referred onto OH and the disability service people to talk about support and adjustments but again, I don't really see what they could do. I could take this year out, but it is such a long time, and I have no idea what I'd do instead. And yesssss that is correct. Blergh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can you go part time? I know no all courses offer that option, mine didn't, but if they do, that surely would be the ideal option.

    If you took time out, could you not volunteer in the area you are studying in to get experience and keep you in some kind of routine?
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