Drastic self-confidence issues.

Former Member

Don't know where to turn to but I am just in a situation where I just feel everything's against me at the moment.

I'm 25 (approaching 26 in a few weeks) and have a part time job with my Dad in a small family business, but it’s getting to me as every day I am feeling more pressured and I have no belief in what I’m doing. I’ve started to get nervous when I carry out tasks and get myself worried if I’ve done something right or not. This afternoon I made a small mistake and practically got shouted at. Saying that I get paid just for switching off where I work hard all the time to get every task done as quickly as possible. I just feel that it’s destroyed my confidence and made me feel really stupid. I have ambitions to work in graphic design after graduating from an art course, so sometimes this confidence decrease hinders that.

Another thing which has made me feel really low in confidence is online dating. I am single and never really had a relationship so I’m feeling a lot of pressure from that fact. And after 2-3 months of trying out online dating, it does make me feel really unattractive and practically useless as nobody will send me back messages (I know this sounds depressing and needy but I can’t really think of another way to say it). I also don’t have many friends to hang out with neither, my 2 best friends have moved away now so I can only talk to them online. So a lot of things I do in my spare time like gigs, cinema, eating out I do on my own. There are times when I feel lonely and just want to talk to people.

This has turned into a mini-crisis for me with being 25 as I feel I haven’t achieved much in my life but is spending so much time on the relationship and job aspects. I’ve been spending a lot of my free time doing designs to bump up my graphic design portfolio for any future opportunities.

I just wanted to get this off my chest and to be honest I need some advice.

**helen**

Hiya, welcome to TheSite :wave:

It sounds like you're feeling quite hopeless at the moment - a number of situations are getting you down and feeling lonely is at the crux of the matter. I'm really glad that you've decided to post here as with any luck this will be a good place to chat with others and get a sense of what your options going forward are.

Firstly, if you're online tonight, why not drop into live chat from 8pm - http://www.thesite.org/thesocial/chat - it's open for a couple of hours four nights a week.

I can see how having not dated before and then setting up an online dating profile could potentially be quite a daunting process. Would you be willing to share a little of what you've included? Lots of people here have experience of online dating and may be able to offer you some feedback on what you've written and boost your chances of getting replies.

Having said that, so often, being attractive to others is about being feeling attractive yourself, so probably making a few more friends and generally boosting your social circle might be a better focus for now...

You mention that your work at the moment is part-time, the good news is, that gives you the chance to potentially get involved in other activities that might offer the boost you need. For instance, you could get a job in a local bar as a way to meet others closer to you in age or interests... it might not meet your long-term career goals, but could give you more confidence socially.

Alternatively, if you're not too bothered about extra cash, volunteering is an excellent way to meet new people, learn new skills and get experience in a field you're interested in. It might be that you can use your graphic design skills to help a charity, or identify something else fun that you'd like to explore. If you check out or sister site Do-it (do-it.org.uk) you can search for opportunities putting in your postcode and finding options local to you.

Finally though, if you're lacking confidence to start - the options above may sound a bit daunting so you might find tips on boosting self-esteem helpful.

Hope this helps as a starting point for figuring out your next steps.

Former Member

Thanks for getting back to me Helen.

I will give the chat a try on Sunday, sounds really useful to get a lot of feedback from these issues and in particular the dating section.

I think the main issue with myself is confidence, handling pressure and generally being happier with myself. In a way I'm fearing having regrets when I'm older of not achieving things I should have at my current age or younger...if you know what I mean. The last couple of months, the age factor has been responsible for a lot of pressre I've been getting, in addition to my current work.

I never knew about do-it.co.uk to be honest, looks really interesting. I'm more into experience than making money so this would be something I could really do with going into.

Anyway, thank you again for your help.