Possible long distance relationship - advice please

Former Member

He's done this before, I haven't and from his text on Friday, it was difficult.

Short version is, known someone online for about 8 years. Never actually liked him in that way until recently. We met up on Tuesday and went for a quick drink before a mutual friend met up with us. We got talking about meeting people online and I got asked if I'd met our friend before (he hasn't and I have) and I said yes.

I then asked if he'd met anyone online before and he said (I realised this after asking him!) that he'd met his ex online. He then got talking about how he'd joined a dating site and had met a few people that way and nothing had come out of it.

Met up with our friend and we went out for a bit, before we headed back to his and I went home the next day as planned.

On Friday, after a lot of "not sure if I should say anything" I finally plucked up the courage to tell him how I felt. He replied and said "thanks" and mentioned that he's not sure about the whole long distance relationship thing - I live in Plymouth and he's in Oxford. (about 3 hours by train) He said that we should discuss this.

I admit I do share his concerns and also have the issue of having never been in a relationship, ever, which he isn't aware of.

Former Member

I feel like a right idiot now - his text did say he thinks we should just stay friends. This is where I'm confused - he says we should discuss this.

Former Member

There is nothing easy about a long distance relationship, he knows that it seems and even if he feels the same may not want to put in the time, effort and emotional strain that comes with a LDR. If it's meant to be it will be, he knows how you feel...just don't put him in a position where it's all or nothing.

LauraO

Hey Melian,

Firstly as you said it can take a lot of courage to tell someone how you feel especially if you're not sure that the feelings are reciprocated, so well done for making that step and being honest with him.

It sounds as though he is genuinely concerned about how a relationship would work when you live 3 hours apart. He may have had difficult experiences of this in the past and is not sure how it would work. The fact that he asked to discuss it with you sounds like a great idea. Talking in person about it will give you both the chance to be clear with each other about how you feel and see whether there is a way you could make it work or not. He might prefer to stay friends for a number of reasons including the distance and if this is his decision you'll have to respect this.

Long distance relationships have their positives and negatives and suit some people and couples more than others. As *Aphrodite* says you have to think things through, such as the emotional and practical costs of having a relationship like this. Some people do have great relationships regardless of distance and may even prefer relationships like this.

Now that you have explained how you feel, have you taken him up on the offer of discussing it? Are you going to arrange to do this in person or on phone? It's great that you have this option so you are not trying to guess how he feels and he can be completely honest with you, as you deserve that.

Let us know how you get on,
Laura

Former Member

Long distance relationships do require alot of work and even the most solid ones can break down. I have both personal experience of this and have just witnessed a close friends LDR break down because his gf fell for someone closer to home. You both have to be 110% sure you want it because it will be hard.

Former Member

If I was already with someone, I'd do the long distance relationship for a while, but I'd never actually start a relationship long-distance. Certainly nothing formal anyway.