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insecure whilst in a relationship

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
didnt really want to make this a personal thing but it's running through my head..

do you think you can be in a healthy relationship whilst being insecure?
is it unfair to both parties?
does it depend on the level of insecurity?

okay i can mention a personal thing. i think i'm an insecure person by nature and i'm in a relationship and live with a guy who makes it clear he adores me. this isn't meant in a big headed way just that i really have no reason to be insecure type of way. yet i find myself almost wanting to torture myself. i ask him leading questions one that resulted in him telling me he thought i could be quite naive which he thought was cute. but of course i seized the opportunity and leapt on it, because obviously naive= unable to cope with everyday life= stunted = why are you with me getting all sore about it. it really is ridiculous i know but i find it really difficult to stop. anyone have any coping techniques when what they are about to do is rather stupid and want to think/do something else? he's a patient guy and i'm a lucky girl and i dont really wanna sabatage what we have.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    meditation! (sorry, its my answer to everything, but it will help you relax)

    I think you need to relax, and realise that you are snowballing a comment. If you need clarification on exactly what he meant by the comment then tackfully ask him. Take a breath and try to take comments at face value. people don't always have alternate agendas.

    Is it particular things that you feel insecure about? could you address them individually? Is it something you could discuss with your partner?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it's largely dependent on how insecure you are. A little insecurity can be harmless, I would say at times I am a little insecure but it doesn't affect our relationship, I just feel as though I am far too lucky to have such a great man and I worry that one day I might lose him to someone better than me.

    However, on the other hand if you're insecure to the extent that you don't let him out of your sight, get upset when he goes out and become controlling then it's going to affect your relationship and may result in him ending it.

    I think it is unfair on you both because if you're happy with him then you should enjoy what you have together. At the end of the day if he's going to cheat (if that's what you're worried about) then there's nothing you can do about it, he will do it, or if it's something he would never do then you're wasting your energy worrying about something that's not going to happen. Take each day as it comes and just enjoy the time you have together and be happy. Just be yourself :) smile and relax.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been thinking and I think it comes down to the boring and incredibly common 'wah I feel ugly, and my other half is pretty' syndrome. Which may also be down to me having no job for 3 months and only now just starting my course so stress plus feeling pretty useless maybe makes me feel less attractive than usual.

    I know he would never cheat on me and have no problems with him going out. A girl at his work fancies the pants off of him but I'm able to laugh it off because I know there is absolutely no chance. I dont think I've developed any paranoid girlfriend traits but I guess I have to keep an eye on it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know where you're coming from. I think the world of my fella and think he's so perfect that someone will try and take him from me, someone prettier etc, however, I know I am being stupid and that he also thinks the world of me, but it's natural to worry a little I think *hugs*

    From what you've said I think you'll be fine :)
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