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i hurt a friend recently. what should i do?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i said some hateful things. i would right a letter but what do i put in the letter? how do i say sorry and ask for forgiveness?
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But follow these simple rules and you should be able to draft one up yourself :
TIMING. Write the apology letter as soon as possible.
ACTIONS. Rather than focusing on the damage you have caused, write about things you will do to rectify the situation.
BRIEF. Keep your apology letter short and to the point.
SINCERITY. No one wants to read overly dramatic language. Choose your words carefully and express yourself clearly and simply.
TONE. Your apology letter should be considerate and respectful. Remember, you are trying to rebuild a damaged relationship.
BLAME. Take full responsibility for what you have done.
FOLLOW UP. Try to set up a time when you can apologise in person, then back up your apology with considerate behavior in the future.
Good luck, it's a really big thing to try to apologise after something's gone wrong.
i founn the source of the above: http://www.writeexpress.com/apology-letter.html
"Dear ...,
I wanted to say how sorry I am about what happened...."
How would writing something like that feel? Don't worry about it being bland; bland is fine as long as you mean what you say.
so first i will state that im writing mainly because i have been a terrible friend. ill mention specific incidents like our argumens and so on. then ill say sorry for destrying her friend, her lover, her confidant and so on. ill explain myself, the stress i had, my frustrations. ill tell her that i was actaully mad with myself. then ill say it is nevertheless no excuse for my behaviour. then i might say that i dont expect her to want to see me again, so im writing the letter in that context. and that i am fine because i dont seek for her approval anymore. although i might put this right in the beginning. it might condition her to a more receptive state. what do you think? then ill go on that she taught me a valuable lesson about myself. i will thank her. i will thank her for showing me or reminding me, to say the least, so that i can do the right thing with the next girl i become friends with, the person im apologising to. then i will end it there. do the closing. tell her i will value my experience with her. use it to make myself a better man. i hope she learned some valuable lessons too. good luck.
i think it would be more sincere if it shows that i put thought, time and effort in the letter. plus i expect to only have one chance of showing it.
I?m sowee
With love,
Wasted Superman
See? A little initiative of your own and you would have found your own answers on the net. Seriously, Google is your friend.
true but i also would like to get the opinions of others
Hopefully, your writing looks good enough to prove that you took your time and thought about the words you wrote.
Creepy.
Yes, creepy.
She will say no, for sure.
Post it. But just remember, if she does get it, it doesn't mean that she is going to forgive you - so you may not know she has received it anyway. She may just tear it up and throw it in the trash.
Remember, this isn't about you and your feelings now; it's all about her. If your letter does not work, respect her decision and just move on.
ok. yes. yes. ok. it was suggested to me to personally deliver it. wouldnt it be better to show my face? if so how do i arrange to meet with her because she might not be at her house. i suppose it is a decision between to deliver it to her personally or drop in the post box.
should i tell her i have a letter? i cant think of another reason to tell her why i would like to see her
I think that you need to send her the letter BEFORE you see her. She needs to read it in private and without the pressure of having to interact with you beforehand.
You will seriously come over as a crazed stalker if you keep on insisting on seeing her. You broke the rules of friendship by being nasty to her - so don't expect the rules to change just because you feel remorse.
Remember, sticks and stones etc? What you said may be unforgivable to her - but that will ultimately be her decision. You just need to give her space and respect now, and let her consider your apology alone.
So .. post the letter .... and then sit back and wait .. and wait ... and wait .... and hopefully, she will forgive you.
anyway i gave the letter in person. it wasnt received as warmly as i wanted. because she read it in my presene she didnt comment about it and it seemed was more concerned with giving me criticism to get things off her chest. now im thinking of communicating this to her. plus to tell her that im not being desperate, as she put it, but she should read and understand the letter once more
i want to thank her for receiving me and the letter last night. it seemed that she was more concerned with getting things off her chest and so was not focused on the letter, proven by the fact that she didnt even comment on it and proceeded immediately to criticising me. i would then suggest that she should read the letter once again
Leave her alone.
I would have agreed with J@ke - you should have posted it and let her come to you once she'd read it. Don't contact her again. It's not about you, and the fact that you're so annoyed that she didn't take your letter in the way you hoped says to me that you weren't sorry at all.
yes. sorry. but i thanks for the help and i appreciate it very much. i decided to leave it and just move on. its her move if she wants anything. although i am tempted to ignore her even if she tries to call to neg her. plus it feels like i would qualifying myself to her again. what do you think?
make sure you dont have a little crab living in it
Well done on being so strong by admitting you deeply hurt a friend. The worse thing you can do when hurting someone is to never apologise or admit it. Losing a friend is very hard, so keep strong.
Just to point out, it's fair to say that on this site we can all give some advice - but at the end of the day it's the person's decision as to how they use it.
You gave your friend the letter, which was brave, and even though she did not seem concentrated on it as you were present, she will probably have another look at it again. Seems like this is all you can do for now - perhaps give her some time and space to see if she gets back to you - and like you say, at that point, it'll be up to you. Surviving rows can be a longer process then we think sometimes and doesn't always happen overnight.
Good luck, and do let us know how you get on *hug*