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Is 14 too young to have sex?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been going out with my boyfriend for a while now and I think he wants to have sex. I'm 15 in a couple of weeks and I was wondering if that's too young to lose my virginity?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    RedSparkle wrote: »
    I've been going out with my boyfriend for a while now and I think he wants to have sex. I'm 15 in a couple of weeks and I was wondering if that's too young to lose my virginity?

    The important question isn't whether you're too young (although it should be pointed out that the age of consent in the UK is 16), it's whether you feel ready for it or not.

    I lost mine at 15, and even though it wasn't the smartest decision I ever made, that wasn't because of my age.

    Most importantly: Don't do it just because your boyfriend wants to do it. Do it because you feel comfortable and ready to do it. There's no shame in waiting.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is against the law to have sex if you are under 16 and he may be liable to a 'rape' charge and go on the sex offenders register forever, if you were caught and charges were brought against him.

    Having said that, people under 16 do have sex but most agree, they wish they had waited. First times can be sore, fumbling, uncomfortable and the guy you will lose your virginity to is almost never the guy that you settle down forever with.

    It's up to you if you go ahead with it but don't let him pressure you into doing something that you feel unready for. The fact that you are even asking, indicates that you are unsure if you are ready.

    I'd suggest you wait. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    J@ke wrote: »
    It is against the law to have sex if you are under 16 and he may be liable to a 'rape' charge and go on the sex offenders register forever, if you were caught and charges were brought against him.

    This is unlikely unless he is much older than she is. Don't scare the girl, good lord.
    Having said that, people under 16 do have sex but most agree, they wish they had waited.

    And this is total bollocks. Where are you getting your stats from?

    Incidentally, the discomfort of losing your virginity doesn't magically disappear when you get to 16.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    14 is relatively young for sex - but you wouldn't be breaking any records.

    Whether or not you're ready is something for you to decide individually, and then for the two of you to talk about as a couple. If you can't talk about whether or not you both want to, and contraception etc, then again, you're probably not ready.

    There's no rush, absolutely no rush at all. And thinking back to teenage years - it's really not all it's cracked up to be. And amongst teenagers, you'll find there's a big difference between the number of people who have actually had sex and the number who claim they have.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Two people I know told me they cried after they lost their virginity. They were both 20. It has nothing to do with age and everything to do with whether you're ready to do it or not. I think it should be an entirely selfish decision. Don't do it because your boyfriend wants you to, or because you think you should. Equally, don't not do it because society says that you shouldn't. "Are you ready?" and "Do you want to?" are the only two questions of any importance.

    And just as a side note, both of the people I mentioned above were the type of people who saw sex as a huge deal and came from cultures where they were told that they had to wait for marriage, etc. If you're relaxed about the subject, then you'll neither be in any hurry to lose it (it's only sex, after all), nor massively regretting it afterwards (it's only sex, after all).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    J@ke wrote: »
    It is against the law to have sex if you are under 16 and he may be liable to a 'rape' charge and go on the sex offenders register forever, if you were caught and charges were brought against him.

    I know that looks scary but it's true. It's unlikely to happen but it is possible.

    Read up on safer sex and stuff as well, that's just as important as how you feel emotionally.

    Do you think you want to sleep with him? Do you feel ready to lose your virginity (leaving him out of it for a moment)?

    If you've not seen it, check out The Sex Education Show.

    (For balance, I guess I should say I was 21, but not for any reason other than that was the first time I had a girlfriend and I didn't want to 'lose it' to someone I met in a club.)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is unlikely unless he is much older than she is. Don't scare the girl, good lord.

    Incidentally, the discomfort of losing your virginity doesn't magically disappear when you get to 16.

    I didn't mean to scare the OP at all and so I apologise. But although she may feel ready for sex, the law is the law as it stands. And I did say 'may'. :)

    Also, looking through previous posts on here regarding peoples' views on losing their virginity at a young age, I couldn't find anyone that was happy about it. Perhaps I missed something.

    I understand that age makes no difference to whether it's painful or not. I should have explained it clearer. I was implying that there is no wonderful, romantic epiphany at losing one's virginity ... it's usually pretty much an uncomfortable disappointment and is often not a particularly satisfying introduction to adulthood.

    Anyway, no harm was intended but apologies again anyway.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    J@ke wrote: »
    Also, looking through previous posts on here regarding peoples' views on losing their virginity at a young age, I couldn't find anyone that was happy about it. Perhaps I missed something.

    I lost mine at 15. I wasn't happy about the circumstances, but the age made little difference to that. In fact, I would rather I had lost it five months earlier to someone else.

    IME regret has little to do with age, but the fact that they did it when they weren't ready. Someone who lost their virginity at 17 or 18 or older, even, might still regret it if they weren't ready for sex.

    Sorry, this is a bit of a pet peeve of mine.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the fact that your asking means that you aren't sure if you are ready.

    I think that spending time doing non-sex intimate things, and enjoy just spending time with him until you are 110% sure you are ready is a much better. Yes the law does say the age of consent is 16, but unless he is much older its extremely unlikely anyone would take you both to court. The most important thing is that you aren't pressured, and you only do it when you feel ready, regardless of if thats when you're 15 or when your 25.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't agree at all that asking means you're not ready. It's a good sign that you're asking the questions rather than just blindly going along with it.

    If your boyfriend is over the age of 16 then he may be charged with having sex with a person under the age of 16- this is different from rape. If your boyfriend is under the age of 16 then, in theory, you could both be charged with having sex with a person under the age of 16. Generally though this doesn't happen if you're having sex with your peers and there was no coercion or force. Be aware of it but don't let it cloud your judgement.

    The important questions to ask are: do you want sex and do you want sex with him? If the answer's yes to both I don't see why you shouldn't have sex, I don't think 14/15 is too young if you think about it and make an informed choice. If you're only considering sex because he's pressuring you into doing it then take a step back and think about it a bit more. Of course you don't have to go straight into penetrative sex. Whilst oral and mutual masturbation is also technically illegal, it's not quite so intimate if you're not ready to go to last base. Just think about why you're wanting it, how much you want it and what the consequences could be. And don't forget to play safe- no condom, no fun.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Artic is speaks a lot of sense.

    Probably one of the key things to bring out of what he said is - do you really want to have sex? And that's a very different question to the 'do you think your boyfriend wants to have sex with you and you want to make him happy'.

    I still think actual penetrative sex is often over rated and you can have a better time with a decent massage and pleasuring each other session.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for all your comments, just for the people who are wondering he's 15 :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hayy x i kinda think u should wait a little while longer, 14 is stil quite young. i cant really talk much as i lost my virginity at 15 but i think u shud make sure that ur relationship is stable & that he doesnt just want to get into ur knickers. Its horrible when things like that happen..but if u think it feels right, go for it. jus be careful & use protection..im 19 & have slept with 2 people unprotected & the worry of getting pregnant or catching an STD is horrible, take my word for it. Good luck, hope things work out for u :) X
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whatever you decide USE A CONDOM
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    J@ke wrote: »
    It is against the law to have sex if you are under 16 and he may be liable to a 'rape' charge

    Haven't read all the posts so someone may have pointed this out already, but I just wanted to point out that if the boyfriend is under 16 too it isn't classed as rape any more. It's unlawful sex. The police aren't going to arrest you or your boyfriend for having sex if you both want to have it. The only circumstances were they would arrest him would be if you went to the police about it, and since he's your boyfriend I don't think you'll do that.

    Also, I'm currently 14 and I lost my virginity years ago. I don't regret it as such but I do wish it could of been with someone who loved me. Don't rush into things, and if it gets down to it and you decide you aren't ready tell your boyfriend that. It's not just about what he wants, it's your decision. You both have to want it.
    Your first time wont be amazing, and it might hurt a bit (it's different for different people) but as long as it's with someone you love and who loves you that's what counts, whether you lose it at 40 or 14.

    And, as others have said, use protection :)
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Haven't read all the posts so someone may have pointed this out already, but I just wanted to point out that if the boyfriend is under 16 too it isn't classed as rape any more. It's unlawful sex. The police aren't going to arrest you or your boyfriend for having sex if you both want to have it. The only circumstances were they would arrest him would be if you went to the police about it, and since he's your boyfriend I don't think you'll do that.

    :yes: spot on - for clarification on this, Brook is ya place :)
    The age of consent law was designed to protect young people from harm rather than to prosecute them. If you are under 16 and you are having sex, it's highly unlikely you will get into trouble as long as there is not a large age difference between you and your partner and you both consent (are happy) to have sex and there is no evidence of any exploitation.

    http://www.brook.org.uk/my-rights/sex-relationships-and-your-rights/having-sex

    Loads of great advice about deciding if you're ready in this thread :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Go for it by all means if you want, if you feel comfortable.
    But guarantee unless it's with someone you utterly love, or feeling completely yourself and comfortable with, you'll feel immense regret... Seen it too many times.

    There really is no rush >.>
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shikari wrote: »
    But guarantee unless it's with someone you utterly love, or feeling completely yourself and comfortable with, you'll feel immense regret... Seen it too many times.

    I really, really wish people would stop saying shit like this, because it's a pile of crap.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really, really wish people would stop saying shit like this, because it's a pile of crap.

    Agreed. For whoever was making the 'everyone regrets it' comments, I lost my virginity at 14, and I was practically begging him for it. I wanted sex in a bad way and, 12 years later, I don't regret it one bit.

    To the OP - do what you feel happy and comfortable with, take your time if you want to, use a condom, be safe, be happy :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm nearly 18 now and i lost my virginity when i was 16 but i was already with my boyfriend for a year. I am still with the same guy and i don't regret it. But if we had split up i would of. I think i was too young, i felt ready but when i look back i wonder if i really was. Don't let your boyfriend pressure you into doing it. Do it when you feel your ready and your comfortable with the idea.
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