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Advice and help needed
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Don't know how to put this but here it goes.I cannot seem to satisfy my other half she always says I don't do it right or don't do it hard enough.neither of us have had many partners sexually but I do know she has had a little fun with a new guy when we had split up.He by all accounts a little bigger than me although I do not think I'm too bad lol.4she says its always the same she does like to receive oral but I would like advice on how to spice it up and any techniques.Do not get me wrong we do have fun when we click but I would really like to give her a bit more if you get me.
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I'd say get the whips and gags but she might hate that...
you think
1.) Have fun, play games
Along with the routines and pressures of everyday life, things have probably become a tad serious. It’s about time you loosened up and had some fun. And that includes the time when you’re in and out of bed. So if you think sex has become a duty or a chore to be performed just like any other, then you really need to make it more exciting and fun. Find ways to giggle together and things to laugh about even when you’re in bed. Sharing a naughty joke, tickling each other silly or even staging your personal WWF show to only make things livelier. And to add a twist to it, try playing strip poker – you won’t mind losing at this game!
2.) Be innovative
If you’re bored with the turn your sex life has taken, it’s probably about time you relooked at things and tried something new. If you’re always doing it with the lights off, why not try diffused lighting, or even better, candlelight or by the fireplace. The play of shadows lends an erotic feel to the experience. Mirrors are a great sexual mood enhancer too. It can be a huge turn-on to watch your reflections and see as well as feel what your partner is doing to you. Expand your knowledge and brush up on your technique by reading up extensively from sex guides. While you may think that practice makes perfect, a little extra education goes a long way! You can always benefit from learning something new.
If your partner has gotten used to quickies and doesn’t spend much time on foreplay, don’t fret. Take the initiative to prime yourself beforehand. Gorge on some aphrodisiacs like chocolate or caviar. If you find that reading erotica or watching some steamy movies or porn videos does it for you, go ahead and set the mood. All’s fair in love and lust!
3.) Variety is the spice of life
Don’t be afraid to experiment. If your partner would like to get a little kinky (as long as it doesn’t make you uncomfortable) or give some sex toys a try, go with the flow. You might surprise yourself and find you like it. If things have become predictable and you never have sex unless it’s the last thing at night, jog the system a bit. Try a little nooky during the noon on a weekend, or wake up a little earlier and lure your spouse into the shower or tub for a leisurely bath. Ensure that the sole source of steam isn’t the hot water!
If you’re always having to content yourself with a quickie, set aside time so that you can have a longer and more fulfilling session of lovemaking. Or if sex always happens with much forethought and planning, then indulge in a quickie when your partner least expects it. And if you’re always doing it in standard positions, take a leaf – or many of them – out of the Kamasutra and check out alternative styles. You might need to be a little flexible for some of them though! And if you’re always doing it in the bedroom, move to other spots. On occasions when you have the house to yourselves, forget about food and put the dining table to better use!
4.) Communicate
While lovemaking conjures up images of action, communication too is vital. It is very important to share with your partner what turns you on and what makes you tick. Even after many years together, couples still remain clueless about what gives the other ultimate satisfaction and pleasure. They are often playing a guessing game. Also, what worked for you five years ago might not still get you turned on today. So you need to tell your partner that and share with him something that you might like to try. When he is doing something you like, spur him on so that he knows he’s on the right track! And if you’ve seen or read about something and you’d like to give it a shot, don’t hesitate to broach the subject.
5.) Indulge your fantasies
If you’ve secretly harbored fantasies of harem girls and been turned on at the thought of being the object of slavish adoration, go ahead and ask your spouse if she will oblige. Or if you’d like him to do a ‘full monty’ or her to dress up as a French maid, share your secret desires and wishes. As long as it's not too over-the-top you might be surprised how willing your partner is to fulfill your desires and spice up your intimate moments. If you feel inhibited or silly about sharing a fantasy, write it down and ask your partner to do the same. Plan a fantasy-filled weekend when you will both cater to the other’s innermost longings.
Be romantic
It’s important not to save kissing, hugging and demonstrative shows of affection for when you’re in bed. Pull your partner aside any time through the day, for a hug or a full-on smooch.
6.) Buy her flowers or cook her a meal.
Set up popcorn and drinks and settle him in his chair before his favorite program or match begins. Serve her breakfast in bed, cuddle up and enjoy a lazy Sunday morning.
Place an ‘I love you’ placard in his briefcase so he sees it and thinks of you as soon as he opens it up. And if you really want to get him in the mood, throw in some sexy lingerie with a note detailing all the wicked things you’re going to pleasure him with! Call each other up during the day, even if it’s only for a couple of minutes, or leave cute messages on the voicemail.
7) Don’t …
....be lazy and postpone doing something special to make your spouse feel a little happy.
....be selfish and only be a taker…give as much and more than the measure in which you receive.
....assume too much – that you know exactly what turns your partner on, ask occasionally if you can do something different and you might be surprised by the answer.
....feel guilty or be prudish or have preconceived notions of what’s right or wrong. If you are okay with it, do it.
....wait till the end of the day when you’re too tired and all you can think of is sleep.
8) Make the effort
Enjoying a crackling love life isn’t something that just happens. You have to put in a little effort and show some initiative. Set some time aside to spend alone together. Don’t feel bad about taking the occasional break without the kids along or enjoying some quiet time together. After years together, couples stop celebrating special occasions or doing things they used to do, like go for long walks. There was a time when you looked for reasons to celebrate. When did that stop? Take a little trouble to look good and stay fit. You don’t have to have an hourglass figure or have a body like the gardener from 'Desperate Housewives'. All you have to do is make a little time to exercise or work out or even walk/jog. If we feel good about our bodies, it translates into a better performance in the bedroom too!
9) Anticipation
Give your spouse a lingering kiss as he/she leaves to go to work. And whisper into his ear a promise of what lies in store for him when he returns. The anticipation will kill him and he’ll probably be home much earlier than usual. Call him up during the day and tell him that you can’t wait. Have a romantic dinner ready for him and be ready to serve him in your apron…and nothing else. Or lie in wait for him and greet him with a smile, dressed only in your highest stilettos and his favorite tie (yeah, that’s all!) just like Julia Roberts did in 'Pretty Woman' and watch his reaction!
10) Pamper yourselves
It’s also time for a little self-gratification. And doing things together. Give each other a massage or go together for one. This will leave you feeling relaxed, just what you need to get into the mood for a little loving. When she’s sick, take care of her just like she treats you like a little boy and mothers you when you’re sick. Take over the household tasks and don’t let her get out of bed if you can help it. Rejuvenate your mind by joining yoga classes or dance to each other’s tune by enrolling in a salsa or ballroom dancing class.
Not everyone does hate it, you talk about playing games and that's all it is.
That's true, sorry about that I was really tired last night when I wrote that.