Moving on

Former Member

:wave:

This is kind of similar to ShyBoy's thread, but I didn't want to hijack.

I split up with my boyfriend nearly 3 weeks ago, and I'm still struggling to get over it. I thought that having time away and out of the country would help me, but I've come back and I still feel much the same.

I don't know *how* to move on. I tried the whole rebound thing, but just made me feel like a bit of a slut really. I don't know which is the best option for me - I really want to have him still in my life but everytime I speak to him it is just too painful.

He really meant so much to me, and I still don't understand why it ended and so I guess that in the back of my mind I'm still hoping that there might be the option to give it another go. My friends aren't much help because I find it hard to explain stuff and they seem to end up just saying bad things about him which makes me equally upset because he is one of the nicest people I know, and it's not his fault he doesn't feel the same as I did.

:chin:

Former Member

When I have one big change that feels really out of control, my life feels out of control. I like to balance it with a big change that is within my control. It might have sounded flippant, my advice on shyboy's thread to get a hobby and get engrossed in it quickly but, I really meant it. The change of loosing a relationship can be countered with a massive effort towards a positive change. In my case, the last time I went through a break up that could have knocked me for six, I threw all that emotional energy into learning a new form of dance, living and breathing it as much as I might have done sorrow and pity had I allowed myself that instead. It worked for me, I now have a new dance under my belt that I'm not too shabby at, and I didn't shed a tear.

It doesn't have a to be a hobby, and it doesn't have to be all engrossing- you can grieve fr the relationship if you want and think it will help. But, the idea of a positive change in your life that you are in charge of might be worth looking into?

Former Member

Thank you Katralla. *hug*

Former Member

katralla wrote: »

When I have one big change that feels really out of control, my life feels out of control. I like to balance it with a big change that is within my control. It might have sounded flippant, my advice on shyboy's thread to get a hobby and get engrossed in it quickly but, I really meant it. The change of loosing a relationship can be countered with a massive effort towards a positive change. In my case, the last time I went through a break up that could have knocked me for six, I threw all that emotional energy into learning a new form of dance, living and breathing it as much as I might have done sorrow and pity had I allowed myself that instead. It worked for me, I now have a new dance under my belt that I'm not too shabby at, and I didn't shed a tear.

It doesn't have a to be a hobby, and it doesn't have to be all engrossing- you can grieve fr the relationship if you want and think it will help. But, the idea of a positive change in your life that you are in charge of might be worth looking into?

This advice really help, I think it makes you become stronger and if the two of you will meant to be, it will meant to be. Loving someones gives you really pain.

Former Member

Like Katralla said - the big I found with moving on was finding a way to fill the time, and it's the little things like the time you used to spend texting, or having someone to tell about the day to day bits that no one else would really be interested.

Hobby hobby hobby. Preferably a difficult one that involves brain power.

Former Member

Hi there yellowseahorse,

It's evidently hard to move on from any relationship and can be really tough. I agree with the idea of "positive change" and "hobbies" as suggested by Katralla - it can really help to get your mind off things.

What also stood out from your post is the fact that you mention

I still don't understand why it ended and so I guess that in the back of my mind I'm still hoping that there might be the option to give it another go

It's hard to move on without knowing why the relationship ended in the first place - and like you say there is always that hope. Is there any chance you can sit down and have a chat with about why this happened? You say he's a good guy so hopefully he will be able to at least give you that.

Have a look at our article on mending a broken heart which could help. Let us know how you get on *hug*