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Please Help!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Sorry if this is long but i need help ASAP.

Myself and my g.friend (Ex?) have/were going out for 10-11 months, we got engaged on Sunday evening and everything was perfect!

She recently went to Kavos for two weeks with her best Friend, & although i didn't like this I trusted her!!

When she came back she swore she didn't cheat one me & said that she couldn't stop thinking about me!

I'm an insecure person and was really quiet and suspicious when she got back, we went through a stage where I was always asking her about her hols and telling her how much i loved her (She'd reply back nothing happend and that she loved me)

As a few days went on I noticed things felt a little differant and that her phone was engaged alot & that when I went to pick her phone up she seemed to panic & accused me of checking up on her & then she'd make a point of going through her msgs to prove there was nothing on there, I just had a general GUT feeling that someting was up!

I jokingly commented on her phone being engaged for an hour and a half saying "you speaking to loverboy" and she replied "Chris, your getting boring now change the bloody record".

This made me feel guilty and I stopped questioning! She then asked me to start being the Chris she loved again where I wasn't jealous or lovy dovy and just forget about her hols!!!!

I tried my hardest to be myself again and went out with mates and had a great laugh and things felt Better but still not 100%.

On Sunday we had a amazing night, things were perfect and we had talked about getting engaged so i asked, She said yes and we agreed that we would save up and move in together and then see how things went before we told people! But we agreed this was a massive sign of commitment towards each other.

On Monday she said she couldn't see me because she agreed to see her friends, i was ok with this and went on the piss!!!!

As usual she came around last Night/Tuesday night and I picked her phone up while she was next to me and she seemed to panick again, she took the phone from me and I asked her to go through her Msgs, she did & on there was MSGS from 3 friends and a lad called 'Dean' she just closed her phone as noting had happened????????????????????

I then asked who dean was and asked her to show me the Msgs they read ;-

" Shall I ring you after Big Brother? xxx" and "Hi Laura, what u up to love dean xx"

She sat there as If I was being weird, she said it was a friend from Holdiay, I stormed up stairs GUTTED!!!!

After talking and a thousand thoughts going through my head, she kept crying and swearing nothing happened between them and he was someone to talk to while her friend was with his mate, and that they were just chatting about work,ME,and things in general.

She said she didn't wanna tell me he was ringing because she knew I'd go mad and cause an agument!

She begged me not to finish with her and that she loved so much and didn't/dosent wanna lose me.

I feel angry/upset/hurt/cheated/confused and this has never happened to me before? I love her to bitz, and wanna believe nothing happend BUT how can i believe anything she says?

She looked me in the eye when I was feeling insecure and told me she loved me & would never hurt me and that NOTHING was happening?? And then this????

I wanted to send a msg on her phone to him asking a few questions and see what replys i got? she had no credit and we were both skint TYPICAL!

I've told her I need to think about things? HELP!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She didn't cheat on you, right?

    Then there is not much to discuss. Her reasoning, after what you have explained, seems justified in a way.
    Jealousy can tear a relationship to shreds... It is a nasty way to end it all.
    She should maybe have told you, but the fact that it wasn't a fling or anything doesn't make it that relevant for you, as you are only worried about her running of with someone else, right?

    Just tell her, that you would have appericiated if she had told you from teh start, and kept all the secrecy away.

    Good luck :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe he is just a friend and she kept it from you because she knows how jealous you get?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I see where u lot are coming from BUT...

    She has kept things from me in the past e.g lads texting her and then her trying to hide them!

    How can I trust her when she does this? How can I trust someone who when I ask who they were talking to for an hour and a half LIE and say it was there best friend and then have a go at me for being Jealous, when all the time she was talking to someone who I thing she cheated on me with?

    When I went said I was gonna send him a msg from her phone she refused and then agreed (After she remembered NO Fucking Credit on her phoen or mine)??????

    I just seen her and said i'll send him a msg from someone else's phone? She said she deleted his number and all the call register and said she rung him last night and told him not to ring her????????
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I used to do this with one of my boyfriends while talking to male friends but only because I couldn't be bothered with the inquisition that would follow which would end in a fallout or whatever.

    I'm not sure why you have put lots of ?????'s everywhere when there is no question :p (God, I'm so picky).

    If you can't trust her then I guess it's a waste of time (I'm pap with trust so can't really give advice here). Either learn to trust her of forget it.

    Talk to her about how you feel. Don't demand to send texts to people on her phone (that would piss me off) just calmly talk about it and explain why you don't trust her. Someone with such little trust in me would drive me away (I'm sure you don't want to do that) and this is probably why she keeps these things a secret.

    I'm not sure what use this advice is but good luck anyway. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not going to say what I really think, But I would tell you to listen to what your best mates say they know what’s best for you and can tell you what you need to hear. Also I will say this, You girlfriend need to regain your trust, She has lied to you by not telling you about this other boy. Sorry about before, When I was teasing you. I know it wasn’t nice and I’d like to apologise to you.

    (It was you wasn't it, that I was being a wanker to??):confused:

    Also Don’t dwell on this to much, ask your self if you can truly trust this woman again, I mean you are getting married after all and It be stupid to marry her if you can’t trust her. Don’t be blinded by your love for her as well. Just because she tells you what you want to hear doesn't mean the problems will go away


    Best of luck

    AJ

    P.S I'm sorry if it wasn't you. I having a blonde day
    ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    man why did she lie?

    maybe she's guilty or maybe not. well as a man i know men dont just want 2 be friends wit girls in general. he met her on holiday and liked her so much he's texing her!!

    mate, she mighten hav done nothing but this geezer wants 2do something with her.

    heres how to get the truth out of hear, make up and drop the subject 4 a week or 2. go out 2gether get drunk but dont get too drunk (you) , go back 2 ur house or hers 2 get some privicy open up a bottle of wine or 2. then casually refere to her holiday and tell hear u dont mind if she was ith somebody. see what she'll saw then buuuuuuuuuyaaaaaaaaaa the TRUTH will come out
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^^^

    :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that only you can know the answer!!!

    make at yourself this questions:
    1.I'm sure I love her?
    2.I'm sure She loves me?
    3.what I feel when she aswers me about my questions?

    there's some situation that you must think with your heart other with your brain...
    now, i think you must think with all two...
    It's very difficult to know the true in this situation cause can be different reasons,some can be stupid also...
    so you must be careful cause you can destroy you love story for nothing...

    after you have answered at questions:
    write on a paper all the possibility and after think about them, one for time, which is more possible!!

    this is like I think!!!!

    I hope well for you!!
    ciaooo
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Celtic_warrior
    man why did she lie?

    maybe she's guilty or maybe not. well as a man i know men dont just want 2 be friends wit girls in general. he met her on holiday and liked her so much he's texing her!!

    mate, she mighten hav done nothing but this geezer wants 2do something with her.

    heres how to get the truth out of hear, make up and drop the subject 4 a week or 2. go out 2gether get drunk but dont get too drunk (you) , go back 2 ur house or hers 2 get some privicy open up a bottle of wine or 2. then casually refere to her holiday and tell hear u dont mind if she was ith somebody. see what she'll saw then buuuuuuuuuyaaaaaaaaaa the TRUTH will come out

    I'd say thats good analysis...but bad advice...

    "as a man i know men dont just want 2 be friends wit girls in general"

    Thats damn true...not necessarily in the sense that guys+girls can't be freinds, but in this particular case its fairly plain he doesn't just want that! I mean friendships grow slowly through time, not a sudden yearning so much that you have to text after meeting for a short period on holiday!

    But yeah, of course that doesn't mean she wants to be with him...

    That advice is terrible though. :rolleyes: I mean yes, you have to sort it out, but THAT isn't the right way to go about it.

    I would suggest properly talking as soon as possible...if you leave this it will fester and corrupt other parts of your relationship as well.

    If you're going to marry her, she needs to know everything about you. That includes your insecurities, surely? So tell her your scared, and that shes attractive so your pretty sure other blokes will be attracted to her. Tell her you trust her, but that you don't trust other guys, being one yourself ;) .

    Good luck, hope it works out for you
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