Home Health & Wellbeing
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Trying to understand my partner

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi, i'm not a person that likes to post on forums especially about my personal life but i had an argument with my partner yesterday because when i came into the room he seemed to panic and was closing windows on the computer and when i confronted him and asked what he was doing he said nothing after me feeling like i was being lied to and cheated on i walked out. when i came back later i found him crouched in the room with cuts on his legs and when i asked why he did he said i can't cope with it all, i asked what he means by this but didn't want to discuss and said i don't understand because he doesn't know either.

I want to be able to understand as i felt helpless and scared and felt it was my fault for walking out. i don't know how to bring it up again to ask if i can do anything or why he won't open up to me about he feels.

He used to do this before I met him and i know he had a really bad relationship, i just really want to know if i make him unhappy, if i'm not doing enough to make him feel loved, if it's even about me.

Please can someone help me understand?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Cj_cj,

    I am glad that although usually you don’t post your personal life on forums. But felt that you had the confidence to, as now I am able to help 

    First of all you need to understand that it isn’t your fault, no matter what is going on, it is something to do with him. Therefore although I know it is really easy to blame yourself. The first thing I would advise for you too do is to sit down again with him and try to speak to him. Although you have tried this before and it didn’t go well, maybe next time, the situation can be better handled if more calm and your boyfriend isn’t as stressed as previous. Another way that I can suggest trying to get through to him is writing him a letter. Although this can be the easy option of talking, as you can sit down with him and give him the letter, and then have all of your emotions/concerns/thoughts given to him, without him being able to twist your arm or you forgetting a part of your emotion.

    The reasons why your boyfriend panicked in this way could be for various reasons. Although for most girls the most obvious will always be related to talking to another girl or watching porn. It can also be that the previous relationship has reencountered for example she has added him on Facebook and he has thought about her again. Or perhaps there is something more serious going on. But really although I can sit here and suggest various different things he could have been doing, you really won’t know until you sit down with him when he is feeling calmer and ask.

    Obviously you will feel helpless, scared and blame yourself for what has happened, as this is a natural reaction to such a serious matter. However I hope with the advice given in the message, you will be able to find out the issue. But in the end you really have to ask yourself, is it worth being in such a relationship. When you could be with someone who would make you happier?

    I’m sorry, that you’re going through such a bad problem and hope you all the best for the future :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not opening up is normal. Please don't force the subject. There is nothing worse than constantly being asked to discuss this - all that happens is I get upset. OK, there are times when it may need to be discussed - but not every time you see him.

    Tell him you're there to talk if he wants. That way, you're not forcing the subject; but letting him know he can talk if he wants too.

    And remember to look after yourself. It's ok to say "I don't think I can deal with this".
Sign In or Register to comment.