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Relationship falling apart, worth fighting for?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys, haven't posted here in a while but I kind of need your help! Sorry this might be quite an essay...
I'll start by giving some background knowledge. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year (year anniversary in a couple of weeks).
We first met at work last summer, knew each other for a few months, flirted, started meeting up, kissed, had sex, and before we knew it, we were in a relationship. I was due to start University in Leeds in September, which we both knew would be hard on our relationship due to the distance, but we were willing to give it a shot.
It was hard, but we did well. We stayed in contact, talking every day and seeing each other for one weekend every two weeks. I knew that I'd be coming home for holidays and then we could see each other whenever we pleased.
Then things got harder. About a month after I started uni, due to family problems, she moved out of home and went to live with her dad in the south west, which is quite a trek from home as well as uni. This meant that even during holidays, there would be a distance factor.
Neither of us can drive (though she is currently learning) which also makes it hard, and as she is only 17 (going into her second year of sixth form), so only has a part time job, and therefore train fares to see me consume most of her money. But we take it in turns to pay for train fares, and now that I'm back for the summer and working pretty much full time at my old job, I'm making the effort to pay more.
Anyway, even after all this, things were going well. It was very difficult at times, but we fell for each other more and more. We went on holiday together in December and even had the chat about a future together, the possibility of moving in together either after I graduate, or for my third year. I knew this was mistake, I made plans with my ex girlfriend and this left me heartbroken, but it just seemed right.
Even though I cared about her very much, she was always the more loved up one, always the one doing little things for me that mean so much, the one who usually initiated contact. I guess I nearly started taking her for granted, and there was a stage (about January) that I started flirting with, and having a crush on, a girl from uni which nearly made me question our relationship. But that soon ended, I realised who I wanted to be with.
Fast forward a little bit and soon we had booked a holiday for this summer (we fly out next week). We were happy, obviously the honey moon stage ended, but we still loved eachother.
However, about 2 months ago, things changed. She started acting strangely with me, not texting or calling me anywhere near as much. Sometimes a couple of days would pass and we wouldn't talk at all. The more she distanced herself from me, the more clingy I became and the tables turned in that department. However, I tried to tell myself that this was just the relationship changing, which is perfectly normal and I needed to get a grip.
We knew that we wouldn't be able to see each other for a month (again due to finances and also that we both had things on every weekend). But we thought we could handle it. During these last couple of weeks, she has become colder and colder with me. I was the only one making any effort to stay in contact with her, if I didn't text/call her, then we wouldn't speak. And when she replied, it was always cold and distant. I tried to ignore it at first, not wanting to seem needy and desperate. But yesterday, I thought enough is enough.
So I called her and explained how I was feeling. I asked her how she felt we were getting on. She said not very well. I asked why, she told me that the distance thing was really starting to take it's toll, we hadn't seen eachother in so long and she was forgetting the good things, and hadn't even thought about calling me all weekend, which she knew was bad.
I told her that I thought maybe it was time to call it a day. I'm sick of being this way. At first her reaction was that she didn't think that was necessary. But the more we talked, she told me how she didn't see a future for us anymore, that we both live very different lifestyles and are very different people with different values and ambitions. I kind of agreed but I told her I still loved her and that I'd be willing to give it one more chance, if she was willing to put the effort in again. We both decided to have a think about it and discuss it later.
5 minutes after I put the phone down, I got a text from her saying that she was sorry for being such a bitch for the last month or so and that she really wants to make things work. She then said that spending so much time away from me has made her forget about the happy times that we have together and that she wants us to meet half way in terms of effort put in. She said that if it's meant to be, then it will be.
So today it seems things are back to normal. She is coming to mine this Friday, and we are still going on holiday next week. But I'm still not happy. I'm worried this will only happen again further down the line, are we only delaying the inevitable? Is she just scared of being alone and waiting for someone else better to come along? Should I end it now?
Help please. Thanks alot.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Part of me thinks that you questioning it, means you know that soon it'll be over.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Part of me thinks that you questioning it, means you know that soon it'll be over.

    Not necessarily true. Not that I am an expert in these matters but I imagine dealing with the honeymoon period ending whilst also being so far apart must be a very tough thing to deal with.

    The thing that jumped out at me was the bit at the end where they said they had "agreed" to meet half way in terms of effort. This makes it sound like a chore, something that has to be done as opposed to something they want to do, and if that's the case then maybe it is the end of the road.

    if I were you Pill'ed I'd use this holiday as an opportunity. Go away together and rediscover whatever it was that made you click in the first place. If you return and WANT to make the effort for each other again then you might be just fine. If not, it might be time to end it.

    Best of luck
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the replies guys.
    Yeah I think you're right Neddy. I do want to make the effort, the problem is that recently I've been the only one making the effort, so much so that it began making me not want to. But I do want to again if she does, which she says she wants to.
    As I said, she's coming over on Friday. I text her tonight saying that I'd like us to continue our discussion face to face when she arrives. I said that I don't want to dwell on it, that we should make it quick and painless as we need to focus on enjoying each others company right now, but that I still have some things I want to run over with her.
    Her reply was that she thought there was nothing more to say, that she thought we'd agreed it was just her being silly and that this was a bad upatch that we will get through, but if I really had things that I wanted to say, she was willing to listen.
    I will definately use this holiday.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like things that were going on before my last break-up, but I think it's reparable. I think it would have been with us if she'd made more effort.

    It will all depend on her (1) agreeing that things need to change, and (2) changing them. If not, you need to think seriously about how it's affecting you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well she has told me she wants to make things work and that she wants to make the effort. But what if she is just scared of being alone? I don't want this to just happen again further down the line. I'd rather deal with it now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pill 'ed wrote: »
    Well she has told me she wants to make things work and that she wants to make the effort. But what if she is just scared of being alone? I don't want this to just happen again further down the line. I'd rather deal with it now.

    I know it's easy for me to say but you should take what she says at face value. Time will tell if she means it or not. Trying to second guess her motives won't do anyone any good IMO. Just let it pan out
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Neddy wrote: »
    I know it's easy for me to say but you should take what she says at face value. Time will tell if she means it or not. Trying to second guess her motives won't do anyone any good IMO. Just let it pan out

    +1
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