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Very Confused

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, it hasn't been easy but we had talked about living together, I rent my place and he owns a small house which he said he would sell and we could rent a larger place together. But after 12 months nothing had happened, he hadnt tried to tidy his place up for decorated it or even seen a estate agent! when i asked him about it he said that he didnt want to sell it with the market being so rubbish at the moment. But he was quite happy to spend 6 nights a week at my house and not contribute to any of the bills. I couldnt take anymore and told him we needed a break. He hasnt coped with it very well and been put on antidepressants (totally out of character). Then he came round to talk last night and told me that he had been saving it take me on holiday for my birthday (its my 40th) and he was going to propose while we were on it. I feel awful now. I dont know what advise i want, i just wanted to get this off my chest. Thank you for reading

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Welcome to TheSite :wave:

    You say that taking antidepressants is "totally out of character" for him, but I wonder if you really understand what it means to be dealing with depression? Whilst the breakup may have forced him to face up to how he had been feeling, or even exacerbated some of the feelings that were already there, that won't be the sole reason he's been put on antidepressants. Moreover, taking them is not a matter of character or behaviour but a sign that he has an illness he is trying to treat. What you've said there is like saying, "he's had his broken leg set in plaster (totally out of character)", do you see?

    Do you think some of the problems you had before you broke up might be partly to do with an ongoing problem with depression? Sometimes it can manifest as not getting stuff done because you lose the energy or will to do them so it could account for him making excuses and not getting on with selling his house.

    What do you think you want? Do you want to get back together? Do you feel differently knowing he was going to propose?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didnt mean the antidepressants were out of character, i meant the fact that he has even been to the doctor to discuss things is, he keeps his emotions bottled up normally, i guess that was the problem and it all built up and gave him a wake up call when i finished things. I just feel really confused at the moment, I know that i still love him but don't know if getting back together would work for us as we have been here before. As for the proposal, i dont know either, he always said he didnt ever want to get married and i never asked him about it so am wondering if he has just said that because he thinks thats what i had wanted?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There is always that, I've known people propose in order to 'save' the relationship and it never works.

    Sorry if I was harsh about the antidepressants thing, I do understand what you were trying to say. Do you think this is symptomatic of the sort of change you wanted to see?
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