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Am i a slut?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right so apprently im a slut. I lost my v at 13 at a house party was extreamly intoxacatied since then ive slept with 60 people only 5 have been unprotected as i was with them at the time.
Its not like i dont give myself time to know them i do and things happended
im in a relationship now and have been for over a year and love the boy to pieces but no matter what im still a slut to people :(
I mean wtf?
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have blatantly been careful for the most part, so what you have been up to is entirely your business.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    G-Raffe wrote: »
    You have blatantly been careful for the most part, so what you have been up to is entirely your business.

    This.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Unfortunately people are all too ready to bandy around hurtful terms like 'slut' when they want to feel morally superior.

    You don't say how old you are - is this what people are saying at school? If you can find a way to remember that it's about their issues and not yours, you'll emerge from the name-calling stronger.

    It sounds like you take care of your sexual health - as well as using protection you should have regular checkups at a GUM clinic - and behave well to your boyfriend. That's responsible and caring, and that's all that matters.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah ive made sure u have always had check ups as well just to make sure :)

    Just regret my first time wasnt the greatest way and not with the right person
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im 20 now btw
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    shellbaby wrote: »
    Just regret my first time wasnt the greatest way and not with the right person

    Nobody's is.

    Think of it this way: 60 over 7 years is less than ten a year. You've been careful with all of them. It's not like you go out and find a different guy every weekend. Even if I believed that it was possible to be a slut at all, I wouldn't consider you one. I'd think you were smart and aware and you knew what you wanted.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i wouldnt wanna be one of them people who got somone every weekend ive found the one i want and thats all that matters but even after ive left school the names still stuck for how many years lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wonder how much of this is them being jealous...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    I wonder how much of this is them being jealous...

    Erm what do you mean?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Personally, i think its not about how many people you've slept with but WHO youve slept with.

    I.e, if you just go around sleeping with all sundry with no regards for other peoples feelings - other people's boyfriends, friends ex's, brothers etc (without their blessing), in full knowledge that it would hurt them and cause problems but doing it anyway, thats when i would be tempted to call slut. However, if everyone is consenting, and you're safe and you're not hurting anyone, whats the problem. Just keep your business to yourself and tell others to do the same
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have never ever done anything with anyones boyfriend ex or whatever these are people ive knew for quite some time and got to like them then after ive gone off them others are friends friends and they havnt had any problems at all :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    I wonder how much of this is them being jealous...

    You've been getting a lot of sex and perhaps they're not...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    shellbaby wrote: »
    i have never ever done anything with anyones boyfriend ex or whatever these are people ive knew for quite some time and got to like them then after ive gone off them others are friends friends and they havnt had any problems at all :)

    Then there's no problem. If you were a guy you'd be a stud but cos you're a girl you're looked down upon. Like i said just keep your business to yourself and if people dont wanna know about it then they shouldnt stick their beaks in
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lexi99 wrote: »
    Then there's no problem. If you were a guy you'd be a stud but cos you're a girl you're looked down upon. Like i said just keep your business to yourself and if people dont wanna know about it then they shouldnt stick their beaks in

    I wouldn't consider a guy who's shagged 60 women a "stud" or anything of the sort. Common misconception.

    I wouldn't call the OP a slut because that's childish name calling, and as people have already said as long as she is safe and noone gets hurt she is free to do what she wants. That's fair enough

    BUT

    I struggle to believe that noone has been hurt if she has had sex with 60 people in 7 years. This line jumped out at me:

    "ive knew for quite some time and got to like them then after ive gone off them"

    So the OP has met someone, had sex with them and then gone off them 60 times in 7 years? Without meaning to sound harsh wouldn't it be better to work out if you like someone first and then sleep with them? Think a bit before dropping your knickers?

    I'm not saying people who sleep around are morally right/wrong or anything like that, but I personally would question the motives and character of someone who jumped from one bed to another like that. And that applies to men and women.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Neddy wrote: »
    I wouldn't consider a guy who's shagged 60 women a "stud" or anything of the sort. Common misconception.

    I wouldn't call the OP a slut because that's childish name calling, and as people have already said as long as she is safe and noone gets hurt she is free to do what she wants. That's fair enough

    BUT

    I struggle to believe that noone has been hurt if she has had sex with 60 people in 7 years. This line jumped out at me:

    "ive knew for quite some time and got to like them then after ive gone off them"

    So the OP has met someone, had sex with them and then gone off them 60 times in 7 years? Without meaning to sound harsh wouldn't it be better to work out if you like someone first and then sleep with them? Think a bit before dropping your knickers?

    I'm not saying people who sleep around are morally right/wrong or anything like that, but I personally would question the motives and character of someone who jumped from one bed to another like that. And that applies to men and women.

    i did like them but afterwards they started bein like utter dicks to me like i found out one was saying to me i was the one and he had been sayin it to how many other girls not all of them done it just a fair few which i only found out after :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i wouldnt consider you a slut, cos i wouldnt call anyone that really.

    Its a lot of people to have slept with though for your age, so as long as youre doing it for the right reasons and its not through some need to be validated by men, then its noone elses business.
    How do they all know, to be able to call you those names? Are you telling people, or are all the men youve slept with pretty much telling everyone?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really dont know i dont tell people my buisness i think its an ex tho but if it is him then tbf he needs to grow up. Bear in mind this is over a period of seven years at least its not like ive slept with 60 in a year people judge people too much these days.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Neddy wrote: »

    BUT

    I struggle to believe that noone has been hurt if she has had sex with 60 people in 7 years. This line jumped out at me:

    "ive knew for quite some time and got to like them then after ive gone off them"

    So the OP has met someone, had sex with them and then gone off them 60 times in 7 years? Without meaning to sound harsh wouldn't it be better to work out if you like someone first and then sleep with them?

    Perhaps a little more bluntly than I would have put it, but if the OP as she says has been in a relationship for a year. The average increases to a new guy every month since the age of 13 up until 19/20. Some people can have quite deep feelings in that time, but as the OP also mentions, many of the guys proceeded to act like dicks afterwards; perhaps at least some of them may have seen you as an easy target to get into your pants.

    You are not a slut and you have however been careful. Enjoy yourself I say.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    G-Raffe wrote: »
    Perhaps a little more bluntly than I would have put it, but if the OP as she says has been in a relationship for a year. The average increases to a new guy every month since the age of 13 up until 19/20. Some people can have quite deep feelings in that time, but as the OP also mentions, many of the guys proceeded to act like dicks afterwards; perhaps at least some of them may have seen you as an easy target to get into your pants.

    You are not a slut and you have however been careful. Enjoy yourself I say.

    Yeahh weve been together a year ad near enough 3 months and pretty soon were starting to save up for our own place :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    G-Raffe wrote: »
    Perhaps a little more bluntly than I would have put it,

    Not really, if i was being blunt I would have just said yes..... :cool:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Neddy wrote: »
    Not really, if i was being blunt I would have just said yes..... :cool:

    :rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yea, why is it, if a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys she is a slut, but if a guys does he is all of a sudden gay!?

    Society! Am I right?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :d
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    (FYI: this is Clan Mother Red speaking. I'm staying at the Chief's hut at the moment.)

    To be honest, I do think your behavior is excessive. You're clearly not "getting to know" these guys very well at all, if none of them are lasting, and almost every one turns out to be an "utter dick" later. That happens sometimes, but 60 times in a row? Perhaps the problem is not them, but you and how you choose your partners.

    I find it interesting how just about every post in this thread talks about how sluts don't exist. I think they do; why would there be a word for it otherwise? Yeah, every girl who has sex more than a few times tends to get called a slut, but that doesn't mean that none of them actually are.
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    I find it interesting how just about every post in this thread talks about how sluts don't exist. I think they do; why would there be a word for it otherwise? Yeah, every girl who has sex more than a few times tends to get called a slut, but that doesn't mean that none of them actually are.

    One for politics and debate methinks. :)
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    Hate the word slut, why is there no equivalent word for men who sleep with a lot of people? People who use the word are generally a bit stupid I think.

    Male or Female, there's nothing wrong with sex, aslong as you play safe and are happy.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ahha you sound like my kinda bird :D

    So you like using and dumping women then?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel a bit concerned when reading this thread... With peoples replies, i know you're meant to be sensitive and all, and the polite british thing to do when someone goes... for example "oh i look terrible" (they do) and you reply "Of course you don't, you look great".

    But this is hardly the case...
    The true definition of slut from wiki:
    "Slut or slattern is a pejorative term meaning an individual who is sexually promiscuous. The term is generally applied to women and used as an insult or offensive term of disparagement, meaning "dirty or slovenly."

    I'd say loosing virginity at the age of 13 while incredibly drunk has a lot of questions to be raised. But not the point of this topic...
    You've had sex with 60 people, you're 19 years old? And you've been with someone for a year now and been completely faithful?
    Maths tell me, then 5 years = 60 months. Which is roughly 1 person a month...
    If you carried this on until you were lets say mid 40s that would mean you have slept with 312 people, which is rather a lot...

    If people met you, and didn't know how many people you'd slept with and then no people wouldn't think you're a slut most likely.
    But by definition, you are or have be rather sexually promiscuous which means yes you're a slut. I know 80% of people now are going to have ago at me, but i just believe in telling people how it is. And more importantly "What do you expect?
    The fact you've kept count is worrying, it seems more like a score that way.

    (P.s please don't take this as me insulting you, it's more i'm putting 2+2 together. I don't know you, i don't judge you, and tbh i really couldn't give two hoots whether you've slept with 1 person or a million, doesn't affect me)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The problem is that the word 'slut' is perjorative, something that doesn't apply to men.

    If you're a woman and you're safe and happy- you're using protection, you're sober enough to know what you're doing and you're having fun- then so what if you're sexually promiscuous? Anyone who judges you for it- anyone who calls you a slut- is a moron.

    If you're not safe and happy- if you're having sex for the attention, if you're too drunk to know what you're doing, if you're not using protection- then being called a slut is the least of your worries.

    You have slept with a fair few people- more than a lot of girls your age will have done- but what you need to worry about is WHY you're doing it. If you're doing it to be validated by men then you need to think about it. If you're doing it because, hell, you just like sex, then play safe and play happy and tell anyone else to go fooey.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shikari wrote: »
    The true definition of slut from wiki:
    "Slut or slattern is a pejorative term meaning an individual who is sexually promiscuous. The term is generally applied to women and used as an insult or offensive term of disparagement, meaning "dirty or slovenly."

    Because wikipedia is the font of all knowledge, right?

    The point people are making is that the word slut in its current meaning (as stated up there - "dirty or slovenly") shouldn't exist. Sexual promiscuity is not a necessarily negative, dirty or reprehensible thing. I could sleep with a different man every week and as long as I was being safe and sensible about it, why should anybody else care? If, as AR says, her reasons for doing it are for validation, that's an entirely separate issue and has little to do with sex and more to do with low self-esteem and lack of confidence.
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