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i'll always be 'the girl that cuts'

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm never goin to get away from the lable-recently i managed to stop harming for a week, but on top of all the other emotions, the sheer panic that the people that know will always thik of me as the girl that cuts, i'm always going to be pitied, and that (almost ironically) makes me cut. I scared myself recently, i went completly mad on my wrist, and although i managed to stop before it went to deep, i'm so scared and I don't know who to turn to! there are teachers at school urging me to talk, and i know they're always there, but i hate being such a burden, and it always gets back to my mum! I really don't know what to do, and i'm scared about what i could do, and i've gotten so good at pretending to be happy that people will think i'm exagerating anyways!!


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    any advice???????
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't really have any :/ but thought I'd offer hugs then *hug*

    My guess is, if people know you self-harm, then you pretending to be happy is probably obvious to them that it's an act, so maybe they won't think you are exaggerating?

    Do you know coping devices like rubber band flicking, eating/holding ice... etc. There's pages on here (thesite) you may find useful if you haven't seen them already?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi fire :heart:

    Sounds like your having a really rough ride of it at the minute and feel torn.

    Some of the information on coping strategies etc given above by purpledhaze could really be worth taking a look at, especially if the intensity of your cutting seems to have escalated recently. You'll also find advice on how to confide in someone and especially good info on how to deal with peoples responses and assumptions of self harm. The link is below.


    Remember, there always someone here to offload onto. That can really help!

    Stay in touch and let us know how your getting on.

    Phil :thumb::thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, I'm a former self-harmer (stopped after I cut myself too deep in Feb - it was vicious). But despite that, I have scars on my body, my arms and my legs, some of it is is obvious self-harm. It sucks, yes, but I've accepted it as something that I can't change in my past, and that the scars will all fade away and become harder to see. I was always scared about people saying stuff about my sh too, but the truth is.. most people actually don't give a f*ck outside of school. The most they will ask is "ooh. what happened there?" and you can say "oh, when I was drunk I ____" and they won't enquire after that. If they're close friends, then you should feel no shame in telling them. In fact, ideally, you should feel no shame in telling a stranger either, but seeing as quite a lot of people aren't used to self-harm related things, it can be awkward if they try asking about it or give you that 'look'.

    You mention you're at school, well you know, I don't want to sound harsh, but when you're stuck in a classroom for most of your day as a teen (with all the immaturity and naivity to go with it), you actually think peoples classroom/playground antics are reflective of the general real world. If self-harm is rare in your school and they know, it will arouse more curiosity and perhaps bullying, because there's generally nothing else. Oh yes, this has happened to me. I cut my hands in Year 11, and one RE lesson, someone noticed, and before I knew it, people were surrounding me all "omg. why do you do that to yourself", "omg you mad or something??", some faux concern mixed in with laughs. It's really awkward.

    When you get out of school and everyone matures - trust me, you won't be known as the girl who "self-harms" in college/uni/work, because generally people just don't give a crap, in many of these cases, they're not as ignorant. It will only be an issue if you make it an issue - which goes for plenty of other things in life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I once told someone at Pride that I was attacked by a tiger, because it's none of their f***ing business.

    I agree with Threxy, most people won't ask and if they do it will be out of genuine curiosity and ignorance. If you say something about a skin condition or something it will probably be fine.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    some advice ..

    Hi there piccolo,

    I'm sorry to hear that you feel the need to self-harm. As a former self-harmer myself, I can say the best thing I ever did was talk to my mum about it. Unfortunately I wasn't the one who told her - my sister did, and even then it was to get back at me because of an argument we'd had. It broke my heart when she told my Mum, but when I look back on it I know I thank my sister for telling her, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten the help I needed to overcome it all, I just wish I'd told her myself, you know?

    I can appreciate that you're scared of everybody finding out. I went to desperate measures to hide my cuts from everyone. The paranoia seems to build up when you know they're there but you wonder if everyone else knows they're there. At least, that's how it was for me. I think you could benefit from talking to someone who you feel before you cut yourself too deep or before you make an irreversible move. I would suggest talking to your favourite teacher, but make sure you ask them to ensure they don't tell your mother (you can say you're going to tell her yourself if you want, although lying isn't so great). Or if not a teacher then your best friend. If not them then someone in your family you can really trust.

    You can't keep this to yourself. Once it's out in the open it'll open so many doors and solutions for you. If you do tell your mother I'm sure she'd take you to your doctor where you can talk about it, they'll ask simple questions like, "How often do you cut?" and "What do you use?" and "Where?" things like that. From there you'll probably be referred to a psychologist, who willl assess you and line up the right kind of therapy for you as well as counsel you so you'll have someone to talk tto regularly.

    It may take time to overcome SH, and it may not be easy, but I promise you you can do it. Please though, the first thing you ought to do is talk to someone - anyone, but mostly your mother. She loves you and wants to keep you safe and she cares about your wellbeing. It will benefit you very much if you talk to someone. When you're ready, of course.

    Good luck :)
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