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Confused

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi - please be gentle..

I recently got married to a long term girlfriend but when I was with her I continually had gay thoughts/feelings. If I looked at porn it would be a mixture between lesbian and gay/bi.

Since we've been married this has continued although it did stop for a while after our wedding but has sincerely gathered momentum since.

I'm really confused and don't know what to do, please help.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You need to be completely honest with this woman immediately. She's building a life with you and deserves to have all the information. To deceive her about this would be just terrible, especially if it went on for any length of time. If you care about her even slightly then don't let her spend years living a lie.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    do you love her? Are you attracted to her? That's the most important thing. If you are bi, so be it, but if you just married because she is such a good friend or out of commodity and you are in reality homosexual, then I don't see much point in being married to her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do love her very much and I'm really happy with her, but I just have these feelings frequently.

    I'm going to talk her and just be honest which is the right thing to do.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not quite sure what the issue is here and what you are trying to ask.

    If it's purely that you like blokes as well as girls, then for the sake of openness it would be a good idea to tell your wife, if only to lift the weight of the 'big secret' from your shoulders. If you truly love and intend to be committed to your wife it shouldn't matter any more than the fact that, say, you like brunettes as well as blondes.

    However, if you are gay rather than bi, or are bi and are tempted to do a little playing around in the name of 'curiosity' or 'experimentation' end it now - and tell her why you're ending it. It is unfair to either of you to remain together under these conditions. No girl wants to be a beard, no matter how much you spent on the wedding,
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    midslad wrote: »
    I do love her very much and I'm really happy with her, but I just have these feelings frequently.

    I'm going to talk her and just be honest which is the right thing to do.

    Everyone has thoughts like that. Not necessarily gay thought, but why should your thoughts be worse then the thoughts of a married man nailing another woman. Other men have fantasies of having sex with minors, inanimate objects, their hand and other things. Chill out dude. This is not even the kind of thing that one needs to tell his spouse, because why? Come back if you have troubles holding back and want to act out on your fantasies.
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