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should i say i know

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I think my friend is gay (male) I'm 90% sure he is I've been friends with him for years but he hasn't told me but there has been things I've pick up on that makes me think he is

I'm not bothered if he is I'm still going to be friends with him

Just don't know if I should ask him or just wait untill he feels he's ready to come out he's best friend has been giving out signs that he is so think he's told her

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Let him tell you in his own time. Asking him about it might give the impression you are bothered even though you're not.

    And then there is the 10% chance you are wrong, and that could be awkward!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with Neddy, if you're not bothered then there's no need to bring it up
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi McLovin,

    Neddy makes a good point here:
    Let him tell you in his own time

    Understanding your sexuality can be a very confusing time, so it's best to give your friend some time to work out how he's feeling for himself. Try not to worry if he doesn't discuss his feelings with you straight away he'll probably want to talk to you about them when he feels ready. For now it could be useful to get clued up on how you can help him if he does decide he is gay or bisexual. Have a look at the-site pages on sexuality and awareness:
    http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/sexuality/awareness/whenafriendcomesout .
    This should help you to get to grips with how he's feeling.

    Perhaps your friend is just exploring his feelings at the moment? Sexuality isn't always clear cut and can be hard to define, maybe have a look at the other pages in that section too for example 'The Wrong Label' and 'Being Bi-curious'.
    http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/sexuality/awareness/thewronglabel
    http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/sexuality/awareness/bicurious


    Hope this helps and let us know how it goes :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for the help was just thinking if i asked him then he wouldnt have to worry about telling me and it been easier for him

    i can understand its not easy coming out and he should do it when he feels ready

    and i dont want that awkwardness lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would personally find it odd if someone asked me if I was gay.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mclovin69 wrote: »
    I think my friend is gay (male) I'm 90% sure he is I've been friends with him for years but he hasn't told me but there has been things I've pick up on that makes me think he is

    I'm not bothered if he is I'm still going to be friends with him

    Just don't know if I should ask him or just wait untill he feels he's ready to come out he's best friend has been giving out signs that he is so think he's told her

    If he is a good friend, you could just ask him, if you are really that interested. I can understand you, as I am a curious person myself and would just like to know, even tho it is completely irrelevant. Be prepared that you can really err in those things. I met the gayest dudes pulling the hottest chicks and the "manliest" guys on a party making out with each other.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you think nothing would change/he wouldn't be offended, you could just ask him. We can't know, there's only the 2 options. Asking or waiting for him to say, if he will. You're the judge of his character.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He is a good friend been friends from when we were kids just think he wants to tell me but he's scared I wouldn't been his friend

    I've got nothin against anyone who's gay it doesn't bother me but just think he's scared to tell me

    Don't want there to been an awkwardness bout it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    could you bring it up (in a sensitive way) without being too direct? that way, if he wants to talk, he can, if not, at least you haven't put him on the spot. I don't know how you would phrase it though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If i were you i'd just try and subtley make it clear that you have no problem with people being gay and that you'd still accept them, hopefully hen he'd feel mre comfortable. If he doesnt get the hint then you're just gona hve to wait!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Make it clear you'd be cool with it if he were (not like this). It's a tricky area, when I hadn't come out to anyone I'd probably have lied if I'd been asked and that would have set me back from eventually coming out. Does that make sense?

    It's not for you to ask.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote: »
    Make it clear you'd be cool with it if he were (not like this). It's a tricky area, when I hadn't come out to anyone I'd probably have lied if I'd been asked and that would have set me back from eventually coming out. Does that make sense?

    It's not for you to ask.

    I knew what that video was before I even clicked it :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote: »

    It's not for you to ask.

    Indeed. It's one awkward question too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I get the point don't ask

    The reason why I think he wants to tell me cause some time last year he when we were in his best friends house having a drink he randomly said if I was gay would u still be my friend I said yes your my friend I asled why say that he just said he was joking about

    so don't no if that counts as telling me if he is

    I just wanna help him give him some support
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The best support you can give is just to be the sort of friend you're clearly being at the moment; someone he can talk to without fear of rejection when he's good and ready.

    I totally understand why you would want to ask, but you have to remember that there's a lot of shame and worry that goes with coming to terms with being 'different' and secrecy is a way of coming to terms with it in your own time.
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