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relationship fizzled out so soon

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, iv been with my boyfriend now for about 3months. We met at work and hit it off instantly. We laughed constantly, stayed up late drinking and talking, The sex wasnt great but after a while it got loads better but i think its because we were both nervous. He told me he loved me after about 3 weeks and i know that was so so so soon but i felt the same, everytime i saw him we were inseperable and people commented on how amazing we were with each other. He used to lay next 2 me telling me how much he loved me and how he couldn't imagine me in his life now but recently we have fizzled out.

He doesn't really seem interested in me any more, whenever i see him, he looks disinterested, moody, quiet and doesn't really talk. He used to tx me everyday even if it was just a quick tx saying.... i love you or thinking or you but now im lucky if i get a message every week. Iv tried talking to him casually about it so it doesn't look like im nagging him but he just says that he's fine and nothing is wrong.

We still have sex everyother day but he seems to have got very lazy and selfish with that as well, it seems to be me doing all the work and when its over he just pushes me off or away and rolls over without even a hint of a quick hug or a look me in the eye.

The thing that confusing me though is that he's going around telling all our friends that he absolutely adores me, im getting so confused by the mixed signals. When he's had a fair bit to drink, it changes a little and he tells me he loves me again. Is this relationship doomed as i didn't think that the honeymoon period was supposed to be over so quickly.
Im 26 and have had a fair few long term relationships and not used to being treated this way, he's 27 and has only had one long term relationship and it lasted a year.

Im sorry to ramble on for so long but im at a loose end and i don't know what to do any more as talking doesn't work. I need other peoples perspectives from people i dont know as our friends tell me what i want to hear not what i need to hear. :crying:


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ask yourself : does he think about you and how you're feeling? It sure as shit doesn't sound like it. In fact it sounds like his thoughts are elsewhere. The cheesy truth is that the right person can make you feel like a beautiful lightning-wielding goddess queen of awesomeness. If this guy doesn't make you feel even close to that then summon up your self-respect and move on because you deserve better. Unfortunately some people don't have the decency to break up with someone when they've gone off them, they just take the free sex and affection and give nothing back, don't let yourself be used in this way.

    My advice is to cool things off completely, don't call. Don't text first. If he texts or calls keep your replies upbeat and friendly but brief. Be busy. Make plans to spend time with other people or just take some time to yourself. Don't spell things out to him, you're not his relationship counselor. Let him do the thinking for a change. If it's something real between you two then he'll stop treating you like shit and will make you feel special again. If he doesn't then the berk's just not that arsed about you and can just forget about him. We all get dumped, it's no big deal, but it's shit when you realise with hindsight that you've been getting totally dicked over for months by your own optimism.
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    oxcalidreamnoxcalidreamn Posts: 4 Newbie
    Hi robz1985,

    It sounds like you are feeling quite confused by all of the mixed signals. What is great though is that you have attempted to communicate with him instead of just dusting your observations under the rug. You mentioned that you casually tried to talk to your boyfriend about his recent changes in mood, but that he says “he’s fine and nothing is wrong”. I know you do not want to seem like you are nagging him, but it is worth noting that your observations are valid. It takes two to tango in a relationship, and your needs are just as important as his. If he continues to tell you that everything is fine, the maybe it would be good to clarify to him why you have been feeling that something is off.

    But try not to look too far in the future and label your relationship as doomed. In fact, because this is a fairly new relationship it may be far from that. Address the issues bothering you now, so that way you both can have a better understanding of each other right away.

    Here are some tips on how to have a successful conversation, because it is often about much more than just words.

    Let us know how it goes!
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