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So distracted

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Whenever I have a 'bad week' I end up being so distracted I can hardly work and it's driving me mad.

I am in constant pain (my own fault), and I can't turn off the cursed internal monologue that is so busy telling me I'm not good enough that I end up not being good enough because it's too loud. It's too loud I can't read with all that noise.

I just can't think so I can't work. Sometimes with a deadline looming that's enough to focus but not always and not today. I've already failed to produce one essay this term because of a bad week I can't afford this to happen twice and my exams are looming.

F* it. I'm going for a shower, I'm going to Mass and I'm going to enjoy Formal Hall. Rant over. I just hate this it reinforces how worthless I feel. All I have is my degree, if I fail that I have nothing.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    F*ck it sounds like a very good plan. Exam term in Oxbridge is something very very special, a special kind of brain killing hell. I'm sure there's something in the water. F*ck it is an absolutely essential way for anyone to survive - and I'm pretty sure its why they still run formal hall this term. You are definitely not worthless - you wouldn't have made it this far through the year if you weren't good enough to be there. Sod it all for tonight. Fresh start with the essay in the morning.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Something happened at formal hall to make me not want to be there so I've retreated to the library. If I simmer down I'll go back.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't really know what to say except for you're not worthless. You're anything but that. Worthless people don't care to the level you do and give the support that you do.

    And I speak for a lot of people when I say I'm so grateful for all the advice you've given me *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ella! wrote: »
    I don't really know what to say except for you're not worthless. You're anything but that. Worthless people don't care to the level you do and give the support that you do.

    And I speak for a lot of people when I say I'm so grateful for all the advice you've given me *hug*


    :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks. It's just frustrating. These past few days have been some of the worst recently and I'm trying so hard to keep away from things and thoughts that have landed me in hospital in the past but motivation is slack.

    Can't quite manage a day at a time so I'm working in 5-minute blocks at the moment.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do what you can but try and do something. Go for a walk along Isis?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't have time, really trying in small bursts to get something that looks like an essay down on paper. My anxiety about the faculty / university libraries (stupid but currently unsurmountable) and the fact that the other person on my course has all the required reading out of the library (grr) means that it won't be quite perfect but I think I'm finally getting there. Doing laps of college when my concentration lapses to think things out and come back. It's slow progress but I have until 1...

    :banghead: I actually hate leaving things 'til the last minute and yet I can't break the cycle that makes it this way
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote: »
    Can't quite manage a day at a time so I'm working in 5-minute blocks at the moment.

    i think that's perfectly fine and that's what i do a lot of the time. one little step at at time. and before you know it all those 5 minutes have built into an hour, and all those hours have become a day.

    i really have the same problems with my uni work, i find it so hard to concentrate and do what i'm supposed to be doing when there's so much going on in my head. i think the fact that you are doing your work at all is really amazing. so many people in our position would not even attempt to study and i think we would do well to remember that.

    so many people here admire you and respect you for being such a good friend and support. i hope one day you'll be able to start to recognise that. until then we'll keep reminding you how amazing you are until it starts to get annoying.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do wish I could explain to the appropriate people what's wrong. I'm not very good at volunteering certain information so usually by the time I get the courage up there's only 5 mins or whatever left and I know I can't open a can of worms at that point so I stay quiet and so it goes on.

    Not that I think my mentor knowing will make any difference there's just a chance I might feel better for saying something.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Urgh it seems to be getting worse. Every time I pick up a book, I feel like I'm wading through treacle. Issues that I understand completely in one context fall apart when I try to apply them to another (and that's essentially the basis of everything I have to do to pass my course). I don't know how to make it better. I've been given techniques and things they don't seem to work for long enough at a time and I can't make the bad stuff go away.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How much longer have you got go to?

    Be wary of falling into a rut. If what you're doing isn't working, keeping on doing it is very unlikely to magically result in it suddenly working. Definitions of madness and all that.

    This could be the time to try and get a handle back on things at the simple level. Get some A3 paper, get some colours, and go and sit somewhere with a bit of space. Get the priciples down on the middle of a bit of paper, then spider diagram it up how things fit in around that. That should help you untangle the treacle of thinking you're losing the plot with your course.

    I realise it won't help the bad stuff, but getting a handle on the basics can only help the background mud.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not the course so much as the specific essays. I've been trying to untangle a knot in this title all week and now it's due at 3 and I haven't got it yet. It makes me feel stupid.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You madam are definitely not stupid. You wouldn't be on the course if you were stupid.

    Back to basics when it's not working. You know this really. Title gets written out fresh on a new piece of paper, key points for you to address get taken from it, references, bits to include get taken from there. Structure then comes from jotting 1, 2, 3, all over the paper. It's that school thing that you rarely need, but every so often, is pretty reliable to get you out of a hole,
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know. It's just not working today.

    I've been trying all week and usually it clicks eventually. I guess it's just bad luck this time.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also, drop your standards. A bad essay is still an essay.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know. It just sucks that all I've produced this term is bad essays. I know my tutor understands why but it means she's never actually seen what I'm capable of.
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