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I've just started Self Harming and want to stop!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm 14 (15 next week) and on saturday (3 days ago) my parents were really getting me down. They always get very angry with me and insult me. I have very low confidence and they made my confidence literally go to zero by doubting me and saying the way I'm going I won't do well in GCSEs when I'm already so stressed. I did not know how to deal with the only people who don't doubt or judge me doing exactly that. In my room I was very upset and distressed and hated myself. I tried to help it by self harming. I cut my wrist and arms. I felt better and thought that would be the end of it but I wanted to cut deeper. I tried and later I realised that as I had to hide my arm all the time, especially in PE when we have to wear short sleeves. I started cutting my thighs and pelvis. In principle I wanted the day to be a one off but cutting is like a vicious circle. Every time something upset me I cut another line in my thigh. Last night I was Reading online about how to stope self harming. I really want to stop and I would really appreciate some tips on how to. Ever since I first cut Ive felt low and depressed, and detached from family and friends. I really want this to have just been a short episode in my life, as i feel sick about myself and don't want the scars as a constant reminder. I have already had suicidal thoughts and this is spiralling out of control. Please help before it's too late, because I feel like it already is. Thanks xxx

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi

    first of all hugs, im 16 soon, been self harming since i was 13, and i wanted to get help and to stop a long time ago.
    Dont want to make you feel worse but it will take time xx

    So the Best thing to do is talk to your parents about how you feel. (So im told. I have pretty much same problems as you plus more) i found it very hard to do so, but i am glad i told them eventually. Even if you dont let your mum know your harming, just talk to her about what she does and how it makes you feel xx

    Best way to stop, is to try and find something else, an alternative. I still havent found the perfect one for me, I got into yoga. but never had time or space to do it. At the moment i find scented candles and incense calms me a lot. If your feeling angry or upset.. try writing down on paper wahts happened, what your feeling. Then if your still feeling it, destroy that piece of paper, either rip it up or burn it, just destroy the paper and those feelings xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you very much xx
    I'm really not sure if I'm ready to tell my mum because although she gets me down I love her so much and don't want to hurt her and make her feel guilty!
    I haven't self harmed yet today at all so I'm feeling hopeful that this is the end and trying to be optimistic. What did your mum do when you told her? I'm scared how she will react.
    I'll try your alternatives xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    All of what Trying to be Strong has said is brilliant. The only thing I would add, and I think I may have said this to you earlier, is that you really need to let your doctor know what is going on. Patient confidentiality means s/he won't tell your parents but s/he can refer you to a therapist to help you find other ways to manage your feelings.

    If you really want to stop it is definitely possible but not easy and the more support you have the more likely you are to kick it. Good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Very good reason why i kept quiet about my mum haha ;)

    i didnt want to .. scare you off i guess.

    Me and my mum have never had a relationship , never got on, etc. etc.
    she went crazy to tell the truth, but thats my mum. She made an effort at first becuase the CPO at my school was the one who made us talk. ( She found out about it by my choice though) as soon as the school has gone quiet everythings gone back to normal, but that is my mum. Im sure its all very different, i hate to think other people have to live with family like mine :(

    Well done on making it through the most of today! it all starts with small steps. my first was 2 days, and eventually i went 6 days.. then i got it up to 2 weeks, each time i got to think "right, now to add another day onto my record" something made me slip up.. until eventually i made it through to 6 weeks. then i slipped up again, but its all part of the processs. that was, i think, about 2 or 3 weeks ago.

    take it all one day at a time, and you will be amazed how well you do x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One day at a time is a very good strategy. Maybe think about a star chart, where you mark the days off and give yourself a small rewards after 5, 10, 25, 50 or whatever?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you both.
    I generally had a very good relationship with my mum, until recently. I used to think I'd tell her anything but that's because nothing like this has ever come up before. The star chart is a really good idea, I'll try it. I will tell my doctor in time... but the thought of telling anyone right now is really scary. It's terrifying how I did it the first time thinking it was nothing, but in only 3 days it has taken over my life and it is already like I am trying to fight an addiction that I have no control over. Did the same happen with you two?
    Also I started flicking an elastic band on my wrist today so that when I'm angry I wont cut. I have written down what makes me want to self harm, how I can stop it and a REALLY long list of reasons why I want to stop, including if my ten year old sister found out :( I'm really optimistic that I can leave the scary world of self harm.
    Thank you for helping and I'm glad you've managed to stop... I admire you a lot!
    hugs xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mines a long a difficult story,but in basics i thought i had control over it, and did it fairly regularly, eventually i realised i didnt, but it came along with many other problems for me x

    elastic bands are great ;) i should probably go back to that!

    we are all here to help :)X
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hope this doesn't sound flippant but I reckon after three days you can definitely find the strength to beat this thing. Think about it this way, after four days you'll have spent longer not harming than you ever did harming and that in itself is awesome.

    I used to use an elastic band, that seemed to help, and kicking a pillow. I started running when I was doing my GCSEs to get some nervous energy out, that helped too. Knitting and sewing and other creative things take my mind off the rubbish.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can probably kill the habit - I have faith in you - but you do need to get help with the feelings as well so that you're not tempted to go back to it when you feel bad.

    And try to trust your mum, she wants you to be happy. Maybe when you've told your doctor you could think about making an appointment for both of you so that you can have your doctor's support to tell her?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you both.
    Just to say that I still haven't self harmed. I'm pushing the last few days into my past. I am very glad I managed to stop so quickly before it was too late, and I feel I am blessed. I wish you the very best of luck and wish you happiness. I will no longer submit to this website except rarely to help others as I feel that it is my responsibility to do so, both as someone who has benefited from this website, and as an ex-self harmer. I recognize that my problem was short-lived and comparatively not severe compared to yours and others' stories. You have helped this episode of my life to end and I cannot thank you enough. I will continue with my star chart... so far I have one star and tonight I can tick another! I listed the rewards that I will get after 1 week,3 weeks, 5 weeks etc... and what I have to look forward to; holiday, camp, concerts etc... (I hope this information helps others)
    Best wishes, lots of love and hugs, and most of all, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have made someone's life a whole lot happier and more bearable. I did not tell anyone else, so this is totally down to the two of you. You put my situation in perspective, made me realize that I must quit whilst I have a chance, and gave me amazing tips. I will face the problem of my scars in time... I do not fear, they are not as bad as some I've seen although they are large and noticeable.

    Wish you the very best xxxxxxxx

    (P.S- NEVER forget how much you've supported me, and never cease to be proud and happy. You are both amazing people and I pray that you will have the same good fortune).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    enchantedgirl, i really admire the way you have coped with this situation in such a positive way. i hope you find happiness soon and never feel that you have to harm yourself again. you seem so sensible and i hope that the knowledge that you don't want to fall into the world of self-injury will guide you if ever the thought comes to you again. you take care.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hugs*
    I know exactly what you mean about wanting it to be a one off, because it was the same for me. I'm still seriously struggling with self harm but some of the alternatives i try to use include blasting music, and writing everything down. If you're not into writing, try a stress ball.
    Its awful that you feel this way, and as tryingtobestrong said, talking to your parents might be for the best, they might not even be aware of how bad they're making you feel.

    Good luck, and try to stay safe! x
    (also, if it's of any use to you olive oil is good for scars)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    omg hi wrote: »
    enchantedgirl, i really admire the way you have coped with this situation in such a positive way. i hope you find happiness soon and never feel that you have to harm yourself again. you seem so sensible and i hope that the knowledge that you don't want to fall into the world of self-injury will guide you if ever the thought comes to you again. you take care.

    This. And thanks for being kind, but YOU did this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm 13 and I just started about a week ago and I already have 27 scars. last night, I cut almost 24 lines and my whole leg sore. I'm now trying to stop. I cut myself on the ankle because I felt guilty for lying to friends and family and I just don't like myself. I've been feeling the same ever since I started too, more depressed and detached from family. I have to wear a uniform for PE and it's hard to cover up.

    The best thing to do is to talk to you're family about it. Tell them how you feel and they will get you help. (maybe therapy). and the best to get out you're feelings is to write down how you feel or talk you people how you feel. Good luck and good hope!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    help post

    I'm 13 and I just started about a week ago and I already have 27 scars. last night, I cut almost 24 lines and my whole leg sore. I'm now trying to stop. I cut myself on the ankle because I felt guilty for lying to friends and family and I just don't like myself. I've been feeling the same ever since I started too, more depressed and detached from family. I have to wear a uniform for PE and it's hard to cover up.

    The best thing to do is to talk to you're family about it. Tell them how you feel and they will get you help. (maybe therapy). and the best to get out you're feelings is to write down how you feel or talk you people how you feel. Good luck and good hope!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think what everyone is saying is great, but i have recently found talking about my self harm makes me really annoyed. One thing that really helped though was suggested to me on one of my threads, try drawing butterflies on the place/s you usually cut and think of them as if they are real, if you cut through the buterflies they die but if they wash away youve set them free. Im not sure if this would help everyone but it really helped me as my mum always told me to just toughen up and this was kind of my way of staying as i was. Drawing butterflies (or you could draw someone you care about) really helped me and i havent selfharmed in months, i still get the urge to but somehow i find a way to stop myself before i even do it.
    Hope this helped x
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