I think i have a problem.

Former Member

Hi,
I've been feeling really sad for the past 3 weeks and at first i thought it was just stress or something but i can't seem to make it go away and i'm starting to thing i have a problem.
I can't help but feel sad most of the time, especially when i'm alone... I get this overwhelming feeling build it my chest and it just grows to the point where i just burst out crying and there's nothing i can do to stop it. I feel pretty much worthless and like no one cares about me. I have friends but i constantly feel like they aren't really my friends, they just put up with me and i just feel really alone. to be quite frank i hate myself, i'm not a good looking person and i'm not outgoing or fun.
I've never thought of self harming, though there have been times when i've felt the world would be a lot better without me in it. but i'm scared that if i don't do something to fix this then it could get more serious. however i'm unsure about getting help because i've read some of the posts on this site and my problems are not nearly as big as what some people are going through. and i think that they'll just say i'm being stupid and dramatic and that there isn't anything wrong with me.

(sorry about this super long post but i really just wanted to get this off my chest)

Former Member

Hi Gemmz, welcome to TheSite

First of all, don't ever feel that your problems and feelings aren't as valid as anyone elses'. Pain is relative and it is subjective, it is not something for comparison. Comparison can help you to gain some perspective but it should never result in someone keeping quiet about genuine concerns. You have every right to say when and if you feel not right.

It sounds fairly obvious to me that you are unhappy. That seems like a bit of a redundant statement, but what I'm getting at is that some element of your life is not how you want it to be. Maybe you feel you are missing something, maybe you feel unfulfilled, unloved, unsure of yourself, etc. You feel that you are a burden on people and that's totally natural when you feel less that confident in what you contribute to this world. You are hurting but you are scared that people won't take you seriously or will grow tired of you complaining, and so you try to handle things on your own and they just don't get better.

The fact is that we all need support sometimes, no matter how strong we might like to think we are. We need family, we need friends, we need medical support. It's not impossible to get by without these things but it is invariably a harder and longer journey.

You might seriously consider some kind of counselling, with your first step being a visit to your GP. The idea being that you speak openly to your GP about how you are feeling and don't be too shy to do so. I know it's not easy but it's necessary. Consider it an investment in yourself and your future. Taking that first step to ask for help is vital. I've completely crumbled infront of my GP on more than one occasion, and yet I have no regrets in seeking that advice. I'd rather be well and embarrassed than feeling terrible.

There are some very kind and good people on here who I'm sure will offer more insight and ideas for you. In the meantime, I'm always around if you need someone to talk or vent to

Former Member

Thanks

Yeah, i really do want to get help before it gets really serious. But i guess i'm just scared to talk to someone face to face about this. And it doesn't help that my doctors is next to the doctors in which my mum is a receptionist... so they all know each other and therefore me :S (if my mum ever found out i'd want to die).

Also can i ask, do you know if paranoia is symptom of depression... I've been suffering from it really badly the past few days. Its like i know the thoughts i have are completely irrational but i can't stop them from being there and they literally consume my mind to the point were i feel physically sick in my stomach.

Former Member

If you feel that your mum's proximity to the doctors is an issue for you then you can always give your mum a cover story as to why you're seeing the doctor. Once in the doctors your privacy and confidentiality will be respected. Failing that, you can self refer to certain free counselling services and you can also visit a GP at a walk-in clinic and get a referral that way if necessary.

Paranoia can be a symptom of several things and it would be worth asking you what particular thoughts you are having that you would deem to be paranoid? If you mean fears and concerns then anxiety could well be the route cause, and that can also encompass extremely irrational thoughts. It's important not to confuse anxiety with just general worrying, because anxiety can become all consuming and is a very powerful thing.

If you are talking about paranoia in terms of thinking you are being followed, spied on, talked about, etc, then that can have different route causes. It's also even possible that you have good reason to be paranoid, it may not be a manifestation of your psyche.

Former Member

Your doctor shouldn't even tell your mum you've been there if she shows up and asks. If a receptionist does, it's a breach of confidentiality and you'd have a right to complain to the PALS (patient advocacy) service locally.

But, as stu says, that's just theoretical and practically a claim to have hay fever or a pain in your arm or whatever will probably put your mum off.

Mention everything you've said here to your doctor and you'll be ok. You might want to have a think beforehand about what they might suggest (e.g. medication, therapy) and what you'd be happy accepting. Good luck.

LauraO

Hi Gemmz and welcome to TheSite :wave:

This is a great place for you to have come to talk to others about how you are feeling, and being able to put it down in words is a great first step.

It sounds as though you are feeling emotions that you are not really used to feeling at the moment and have a sustained feeling of sadness. I am not sure whether whilst finding these boards you had the opportunity to look at TheSite and the articles and information we have on there. We have a really good section about depression which might be worth reading to help you start to understand the feelings you have at the moment. You also mentioned that you have started to feel increasingly paranoid and yes this can be something that is linked to depression and feeling down.

As Stu147 said if you're feeling down then it is important to concentrate on you, rather than whether your problems and feelings are as 'big' as other peoples'. Your friends and the people who care for you are there to support you, and shouldn't judge you. So please do not feel guilty about asking for help.

Stu147 mentioned going to see your GP and it sounds as though you are concerned because your mum works for the GP. As Stu said you shouldn't need to give a reason for your appointment before going in, and the GP is required to keep this completely confidential. However, if it still makes you feel uneasy you could consider seeing another GP? Or do you think you feel confident to make an appointment?

Sometimes people find that doing little things to look after yourself can help in the short-term. Is there anything in particular you enjoy when you are feeling down, for example doing exercise, chatting to a friend, cooking, watching a TV prog etc??

Please do keep chatting on here about how you feel and use TheSite, as it will help you to make sense of your feelings. We also have live chat sessions on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday evenings, so if you ever just fancy a chat with other people from the boards please do pop along

Take care, and let us know how you get on,
Laura