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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
How do you tell your parents you're gay, lesbian, bisexual ? How do you come out at school? Why is it so hard???!!!

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Parents wise, I would sit them down and tell them your sexuality and also say that it doesn't change who you are, you're still their child and being gay, lesbian or bi doesn't change the person you are. If they can't deal with it then it'll be their lose but it'll be hard on you but you can't lie to them forever

    Coming out at school is more tricky and I wouldn't really know where to start, sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My mum asked me several times, and then she told my dad.

    As for school, I thought I would tell one person at a time but the gossip mill overtook me. I never told everyone, though, as far as I was aware it stayed within my friendship group.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "Hi mom, what's for dinner tonight? Chicken? Oh great I love cock. No seriously I am gay, I'll be in my room."
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    haha, although that did give me a laugh, I somehow don' think it would go dow well...and bearing in mind I'm a girl it would make no sense- but thanks xD
    Andd all of the other ones are good too, thnk you :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A friend of mine suggested I read it out of a cracker. "Q: What's a lesbian? A: Me. And I'm going to my room now."

    But seriously, there are so many different ways to do it. A lot of people find it easier to approach one parent on their own, or a sibling first. Would you think about that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Remember that you don't always have to say anything. You can still date other people and live a regular dating life without being out. I do, on occasions when I get dates, lol. I don't know if my parents knew, I used to think my auntie did, but she hasn't hinted anymore in just over a year, so I probably over evaluated it.

    I can think of lots of ways to come out, just do the one you're comfortable with. If you don't feel comfortable saying it, it doesn't have to be the best relationship with your parents, all hugs and kisses and crying, it can just be telling your close ones that you aren't comfortable with. I'll tell people I'm gay if they ask me and I feel I can answer without repercussions, but I still find it hard to this day to ever say it to my family face-to-face even after plucking up the courage, even though I know nothing would change, it is just one of those things. I'm sure I'll do it one day, but my life is churning along fine with or without my family knowing, and me knowing that I defiantly know they know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, JavaKrypt is right. I was well-known at university as president of the LGBT Society, etc., so I got very used to everyone knowing but in new situations I still play it pretty safe until I know it won't cause problems.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know about coming out at school, I'll leave that to the LGB people on here to advise you. In terms of coming out to your parents, it depends on what sort of relationship you have and what sort of people they are.

    I can't give a LGB perspective but I can give a parent's perspective. If they're good, kind, attentive people there's a very good chance that they will already suspect that you're a lesbian. Mums, especially, seem to spot these things. It's not necessarily the big shock that you think it might be. But you'll know more how they're likely to take it. hand on heart, if my daughter grows up to be a lesbian (can't think of a better way to say it...you know what I mean) I wouldn't care at all. I'm sure most parents are the same.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey fire :wave: Sounds like you're feeling pretty frustrated at the moment and aren't sure about the best way to come out to your friends and family. As others have said, try not to put too much pressure on yourself, take your time and maybe talk it over with someone you really trust, it will help to clarify things in your head and having someone there to support you when you do feel ready to tell people will be a huge help.

    You might want to have a look at our article on Coming out if you haven't seen it already: http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/sexuality/awareness/comingout

    We've also got a couple of true stories from people that have come out: http://www.thesite.org/community/reallife/truestories/comingout - in this one Rob mentions that telling a teacher at school really helped him so that might be something to think about too?

    This one is about someone coming out as bi: http://www.thesite.org/reallife/truestories/howicameoutasbi

    Is there anyone that knows at the moment? Perhaps think about just telling one or two people and take your time, you don't need to tell everyone at once *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I personally dont care what people think, so i told my friends and then was open with everybody at school.
    I suppose it depends on the school though, i dont know where you live, but im pracically in the middle of nowhere... so people were either going to be really homophobic or totally accept it. Everybody at my school is friends though, so ive had no troubles.


    however with my parents, i didnt tell them until i got with my girlfriend. Theres not really a huge rush for them to know, as long as your not lying about it. :)

    Just be yourself, dont hide away, but keep safe at the same time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My best friend Jake is openly gay, and I have been struggling with it myself.

    In order to come to other people you first have to come out to yourself, then tell someone who is close to you and come across in a nice way, not just HEY I AM GAY. Then once you are able to at least tell one person, tell another and another. And then everyone at school will know. Now with you parents its more temperamental, usually with the Dad. You can usually rely on you Mom to take it nicely, and get your mom to tell Your dad, and there you have it more people know....but trust me once you can come out to yourself its just gets easier....but you have to remember once you come out, it is so hard to come back in..so make sure it is the right choice for you... Good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Randoman wrote: »
    You can usually rely on you Mom to take it nicely, and get your mom to tell Your dad, and there you have it more people know....but trust me once you can come out to yourself its just gets easier....

    Not all parents are like that. You have to do what's right for your family. It's not always the case that it's easier to tell your mum (particularly, in my experience, for girls).

    Have you made any decisions, fire? There's absolutely no rush to tell anyone anything but do let us know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Coming out

    I came out to my mum first,she said that she had known since I was a toddler. I was never camp or anything, she just figured it out. I told my dad with her support, but it was me who actually told him. He never really came to terms with it, our relationship changed dramatically. I am still glad that I came out though.

    I have a daughter (long story), she is gay too. I knew from quite an early age that she was gay. She never needed to come out verbally, she was lucky, she had a positive gay and straight environment to grow up in.

    If it was me I would start off telling someone that you know will have a positive response, it will help your confidence. if you get any bad reactions at least you will have them to fall back on for support. Good luck.
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