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Should I risk it? Or get out before I get hurt.

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *HUGS* Lover!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ±Lover± wrote: »
    But with my current partner everything is diffrent. Never in my life have I been treated so well. He really is perfect in EVERY way apart from this traveling issue.

    Its made me realise that my ex's have really been nothing compared to him, and I'm not just saying this because I'm so in love with him, all of my friends and family have commented how good he is for me and how well he treats me. I've never had this sort of treatment before and I don't think I would ever find anybody like him again, this truly is the best relationship I've never been in.

    If I'd found a potential life partner, like someone you are describing, I would have way more difficulties to part on good terms, because for a long time to come I would be convinced that nobody could ever reach her. The hurt is big now, when you see him all day, and the day he is departing grows closer, but I would happily try to make it work, even if this seems to be or actually IS more painful for the time he is gone. Hell, I fought months for a girl I thought would be the girl of my life and I was convinced that I was the man for her, even tho she said otherwise and didn't want to bond, but didn't sound too convinced of her own words in my ears. Even when I saw my chances diminishing steadily.

    If something is so dear to me I WILL find a solution for it. I will have to. It might not be satisfying, but I'll be damned if I give something so important up before I can't physically go any further. And I learned that I can go into a LOT of compromises for that. If you are that dedicated to him, I think you would too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Strubs, this is a really motivating post!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    If I'd found a potential life partner, like someone you are describing, I would have way more difficulties to part on good terms, because for a long time to come I would be convinced that nobody could ever reach her. The hurt is big now, when you see him all day, and the day he is departing grows closer, but I would happily try to make it work, even if this seems to be or actually IS more painful for the time he is gone. Hell, I fought months for a girl I thought would be the girl of my life and I was convinced that I was the man for her, even tho she said otherwise and didn't want to bond, but didn't sound too convinced of her own words in my ears. Even when I saw my chances diminishing steadily.

    If something is so dear to me I WILL find a solution for it. I will have to. It might not be satisfying, but I'll be damned if I give something so important up before I can't physically go any further. And I learned that I can go into a LOT of compromises for that. If you are that dedicated to him, I think you would too.

    I have conflicting emontions about the situation. Sometimes I think the above but then other times I get angry and think why the fuck should I wait around for him, he's the one leaving, not me, so I should just pull myself togther and, move on and find somebody who actually appreciates me me and won't leave me.

    What also annoys me is he has not saved any money yet to go and he has not booked or planned anything. If he already had money in the bank and firm plans it would be a diffrent story but hes not. He could easily put this off for a few years but that thought has not even crossed his mind.

    I feel sad and depressed about it all then I feel angry. I think to myself "what would I tell my sister/friend if she was in this situation", and I know I would say "he obviously don't care enough about you or the relationship to come to some sort of compromise, have some self respect, finish things with him and go and find somebody who will be there for you". :banghead:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ±Lover± wrote: »
    I have conflicting emontions about the situation. Sometimes I think the above but then other times I get angry and think why the fuck should I wait around for him, he's the one leaving, not me, so I should just pull myself togther and, move on and find somebody who actually appreciates me me and won't leave me.

    I would not see this as "leaving" you, as in letting you down. It might be an important step in his life and I guess he was planning on it before he got to know you.
    ±Lover± wrote: »
    What also annoys me is he has not saved any money yet to go and he has not booked or planned anything. If he already had money in the bank and firm plans it would be a diffrent story but hes not. He could easily put this off for a few years but that thought has not even crossed his mind.

    Not everything needs to be planned out in great detail. Some of my travels, and most if not all travels of a mate of mine are on the spot. If he wants to do it, this might be "planning" enough for him. And what good does it do to wait a few years with it? Because you are not together then anymore, or because you take each other for granted then that he leaving for a year does not bother you anymore?

    Understandably you would prefer him staying, but you can't or shouldn't force him. If you are looking solely for your own best interest, then you will have to leave him and hope for the best.
    ±Lover± wrote: »
    I feel sad and depressed about it all then I feel angry. I think to myself "what would I tell my sister/friend if she was in this situation", and I know I would say "he obviously don't care enough about you or the relationship to come to some sort of compromise, have some self respect, finish things with him and go and find somebody who will be there for you". :banghead:

    You are vilifying him, telling yourself he is "leaving" you, "not being there for you", just because is is physically absent and accusing him of not being able to make a compromise whereas you knew from the get go he would go traveling and the only viable option for you is him staying home, full stop.

    If you know you can't possibly do it, which by the sounds of it you can't, then I can only recommend you to end it now, because it is not going to get easier.
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