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Should I risk it? Or get out before I get hurt.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey all.
I'll try and keep this short. I met a guy on new years eve and we started seeing eachother. We were sleeping together for 3 months but I ended up getting fed up with the situation because I wanted more and he didn't seem keen to be any more than fuck buddies. Eventually I said something to him and he said he didn't want a girfriend as he doesn't "do" relationships but he wasn't sleeping with anybody else. He also didn't want to get together property as hes going traveling for 2 years in May of next year. I said ok, thats fine, but I don't want to sleep with you anymore which he agreed to. He ended up coming round the next week and saying he can't live without me in his life and wanted us to be togther properly :hyper:
Everything has been perfect since then, I'm so happy, he's coming to meet my parents next week and I'm meeting his soon. All my mates love him and he treats me so well, we never argue and he recently told me he loves me. There is just one thing bothering me, the fact that this time last year he won't be here.
I don't know whether I should just bin off the best relationship I've ever had without somebody I love to save me getting a lot more hurt in a years time? I don't want to stay with him and hope he won't end up going as that is not going to happen, I knew what I was getting myself into when we got togther and he's never made a secret of the fact that hes going. I really don't want things to end with him but I know they will one day so I don't know whether I should cut my losses now or stay with him??
Thanks for reading.
I'll try and keep this short. I met a guy on new years eve and we started seeing eachother. We were sleeping together for 3 months but I ended up getting fed up with the situation because I wanted more and he didn't seem keen to be any more than fuck buddies. Eventually I said something to him and he said he didn't want a girfriend as he doesn't "do" relationships but he wasn't sleeping with anybody else. He also didn't want to get together property as hes going traveling for 2 years in May of next year. I said ok, thats fine, but I don't want to sleep with you anymore which he agreed to. He ended up coming round the next week and saying he can't live without me in his life and wanted us to be togther properly :hyper:
Everything has been perfect since then, I'm so happy, he's coming to meet my parents next week and I'm meeting his soon. All my mates love him and he treats me so well, we never argue and he recently told me he loves me. There is just one thing bothering me, the fact that this time last year he won't be here.
I don't know whether I should just bin off the best relationship I've ever had without somebody I love to save me getting a lot more hurt in a years time? I don't want to stay with him and hope he won't end up going as that is not going to happen, I knew what I was getting myself into when we got togther and he's never made a secret of the fact that hes going. I really don't want things to end with him but I know they will one day so I don't know whether I should cut my losses now or stay with him??
Thanks for reading.
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Comments
At least you know the time will come rather than it being a surprise. I would rather have a nice few months/year together, than miss out on it because of what may or may not eventually happen. If we all lived by that idea then nobody would ever do anything incase of what could go wrong. Just enjoy it for what it is now.
It is understandable for you to worry ahead of time, especially as initially this was his reason not to get involved with you. You seem really happy (aside from the travel issue) so why shouldn't this stay a happy relationship? Long distance can work for some people and have even brought them closer together.
Have you spoke to him about the different options you both have? Apart from long distance, how about joining him on his travels? Or making sure you see him every few months?
He seems really keen on you and there is no reason why this could not work out if you both want it to. Share this with him, you never know he might have thought about all this too and be as worried as you.
*hug*
This is really starting to get 2 me now. I've been thinking about it so much more, the main reason for this is me and him and really begining to get serious. I really do love him, he came and met my family this week and they all loved him. If this travel issue wasnt there things would be absolulty perfect
I did mention something about this to him when we were both smashed the other day. I can'r really remember what exctually was said but I know there were a lot of drunken tears involved (mine and his) and he said he wants us to stay together when hes away. This is not something I think I can do as hes going for 2 years!! I will be 27, almost 28 byt the time he gets back and he is actually 2 years younger than me so I kind of feel like I would be wasting my time. Hes told me he NEVER wants kids and I did agree. At the moment i do feel that way but by the time I'm 28 I may feel diffrent?? I don't want to waste 2 years waiting for somebody who I may not end up with for good, I'm not getting any younger.
I'm really in turmoil with this. I've spoken to a few friends about this and they reccomend staying with him until he leaves but I just don't see the point!! I'll be wasting my time with him and be compleatly heartbroken when he leaves, but he says its something "he has to do" and I wouldnt want to stop him doing that.
I'm seriously considering ending things with him now and getting out early to avoid being hurt any more in a years time. But on the other hand I really am not ready to give him up, we have a great relationship and I love him so much. This is killing me
Tell him your concerns, say that it worries you a bit and talk it through. He may be reconsidering his position too. You won't know unless you ask and air your worries.
Also, what would stop you going with him?
EDIT: I also think it's crazy to consider dumping him over the possibility of maybe getting hurt in a year. If he makes you happy just now, live for the moment.
Agreed!! I might possibly be in a similar situation soon but i've decided that whatever happens i'm going to make the best of these next months and make a decision when it gets towards the end of the year. My best friend actually started seeing a guy just before we went to NZ, she was away for a year and they decided to keep it casual whilst we were away but they both ended up wanting to be together so much, she came home a few months early from travelling and now they've moved in together
Just treasure your time together and just see what happens eh
Thanks so much for your replys.
There is no way I would ever consider going with him. Traveling is my worse nightmare, I've got a good job and I'm happy where I am and I wouldn't want to give that up, plus I have nothing in savings when I know he has got about nearly 10 grand :S
I know there is NO way he would reconsider going. Its been his dream forever and who am I to stand in the way of that? Plus he would end up resenting me.
With regards to the comment about 2 years not being anything when we could be together for 40, its a nice thought but I just wouldn't be able to cope on my own for 2 years knowing hes out there having the time of his life, meeting new people, I would be so worried. He's not had a long term relationship before so I have no idea how he would act when hes out there and if I should be worried or not.
I just couldnt bare it if in a years time I'm even more in love with him and I have to watch him get prepared for his trip and get excited whilst the whole time I've got a huge feeling of dread in my stomach. I couldn't bare to watch him leave and know I might not be seeing him for 2 years and I couldn't bare to see all of the photos of him on facebook with god knows who. It would be easier to cut him out of my life now and save myself a whole load of pain anf huge massive heartache at having to say goodbye to my lovely boyfriend.
I'm going to give it another few months and see how I feel. I'm meeting his whole family next week, I'm really nervous and I hope they like me. I don't know if its a good idea though seeing as I don't think this is going to last :crying:
A friend of mine went away traveling a few months after she fell in love and ended up coming back early. As nice as this seems its not something I want to hope for as I doubt it would ever happen
Money for a start and even if I could visit him I still don't think I'm strong enough to deal with all the other shit. I don't deal very well with stress. About a year ago I was going through a rough time and I managed to get myself so stressed and wound up that I developed alopeica (don't know if anybody remembers my posts about this - can honestly say it was the worst time of my life) I don't want to risk putting myself in a situation where that could happen again. I just can't cope with it, this whole situation.
Watching your boyfriend having a good time without you would be difficult but by the time he goes you may be in a place where you can in fact deal with it. When you're with the right person those kind of fears that you have may well start to diminish as you learn to truly trust one another and know where you stand.
Something to think about anyway, at the end of the day only you can make the decision about what you feel is best for you.
Good luck with meeting the family
Well I met his whole family on Friday, it went really well and I had a great night. He really is amazing I can't fault anything about him, hes just sent me a message saying he truely loves me with all his heart and he cant even express how much he loves me. As much as that makes me happy its bitter sweet and has now put me in tears but for the wrong reasons :crying:
I can't give him up. He means too much to me. My life would be perfect if he wasn't leaving. :banghead:
I was just laying with him now and he said something along the lines of "you know what thing we talked about the other day? well i've been thinking a fair bit about it cus I knew how much it upset you and I just think we should put it to the back of our minds until we really have 2 think about cus its ages away yet and we both know babe there is only one outcome of it... i don't want to upset you but its the way it is so please lets just be happy until the time comes"
Its really upset me, took all my strength not to burst into tears in front of him. I just nodded. What more can I can do?
Aww how long have you been with him? When is he going and for how long?
Today has been very stressful. I text him this morning before work asking what was going to happen when he left. He said he thinks we should be "on a break" so he is not holding me back for 2 years and I can move on. He said if I meet somebody else he would respect that
I ended up breaking down at work and bursting into tears infront of all my colleauges and my manager today :S
We text some more throughout the day and he said he really don't want to split up and would be happy for us to stay together whilst he was away. I really don't think that will work though... He said he understands if I want to end things now but hes not ready to loose me yet but would support me with whatever i chose and he wants me to be happy.
As much as I know I'm going to regret this in a years time I have decided to stay with him because I love him to bits and he means the world to me. On the other hand though I think that I want a boyfriend that is going to put me first and would actually give a shit about leaving me... but then again this is not about me! Its about him living his dream and doing what he wants in life, and I don't fit into that.
I'm not so good with relationship advice but it looks here as though you would be happy to wait for him to return as you are thinking you are unlikely to find someone else like him... yet you say you don't think it will work if you stay together? It may be how I read it, but those sentences seems to contradict each other? Which of the outcomes would you prefer?
In the grand scheme of things, two years isn't much (easier said than done I know) if you were to spend your life together. If he has had this trip organised for ages, yet just recently met you, that may be why he is still going (not because he "doesn't give a shit about you")? Hey, he may even decide to come home early.
Last night he took me for dinner for our 6 month aniversy and we ended up getting pretty drunk. The whole traveling issue came up again and I got a bit upset.
I basically said I cannot wait for him as I will be 28 by the time he gets back and he will only be 26 and we are going to want diffrent things. The night ended with him getting down on one knee and asking me to marry him. I told him he was only doing it for selfish reason to "keep me" whilst he was away.
We had a sober chat today and he said he would be happy to marry me if it meant we could stay together but I told him i don'y want him to marry me to keep me, I want him to marry me because he wants to.
He said he wouldnt go traveling if I really didn't want him to, but I have a feeling he only said that because he knows I would never stop him from doing what he wants, I love him that much that his happiness is more important than mine, and I'm going to have to let him go.
He did ask me to go with him but its my worse nightmare.
In July he is going to Greece for his sisters wedding for a week and then hes off to Zante with his mates for another week so I'm going to see how I feel when he is away and make a decision when he gets back as to what to do. We both kinda know its the end of the road for us though... :crying:
2 years at a time?
I see where you are coming from but men in the army go away to fight for our country, not have the time of their lives with god knows who whilst I'm stuck at home depressed.
The main question I have to ask myself is do I break up with him now, or wait until he goes?
If I do it now I can cut him out of my life, move on and deal with the break up much better than I would a year down the line. But if I stay with him its going to be a million times harder for me to say goodbye and hurt so so so much more being left behind, being second best. On the flip side of that though I would hate to end a perfectly good relationship with him and delete him from my life when I know hes only round the corner and I would feel like I'm wasting precious time I could of had with him before he goes.
God I really don't know what to do and its really getting to me. I love him so much and everything would be perfect if it wasnt for this
^ This
I know I would, but then again I don't have that many girlfriends and try to commit strongly to them once I have one. I didn't have one since your threads a couple of years back about your deadbeat boyfriend and you had two or three or something? So I think you are thinking very logically, target-oriented and trying to find the way with the least resistance, which is not always the working way if you are talking about interpersonal social relations.
I have had one boyfriend since my posts about the nasty controlling boyfriend and he wasn't much better to be honest.
But with my current partner everything is diffrent. Never in my life have I been treated so well. He really is perfect in EVERY way apart from this traveling issue.
Its made me realise that my ex's have really been nothing compared to him, and I'm not just saying this because I'm so in love with him, all of my friends and family have commented how good he is for me and how well he treats me. I've never had this sort of treatment before and I don't think I would ever find anybody like him again, this truly is the best relationship I've never been in.
It wouldn't be so bad if he was like any of my ex's and was a bit horrible to me but hes the nicest person ever, hes amazing.
I really couldn't handle an open relationship. I would get jealous and I think it would be worse than just breaking all contact with him.
I'm leaning more towards staying with him until he leaves rather than ending it with him... when we spoke about it sober the other day he said he would leave if I wanted him to, I said yes but watching him pack his bag to leave my house broke my heart and I told him to stay. If I'm feeling like this now then how the hell am I going to feel in a years time when hes off for good??