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Do I tell them?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I just found out my brother (19) took our 14 year old step sister (who is going out with one of my brothers friends) to a party where they all got drunk (except my brother) and she was throwing up everywhere and basically paraletic. My brother freaked out and cycled home leaving her there drunk with her bf and a few other guys. Now our dad and her mum have gone away and they were told to not stay out anywhere and to stay in the house (though they can have friends over) so obviously if they find out they're likely to be quite angry. I've already given my brother a bit of a bollocking for being so irresponsible and said if he lets anything like that happen again I'm telling our parents. Trouble is my brother has mild learning difficulties and from what I gather the 'party' started at our dads house and ended up at his friends/step sisters bfs house and my brother tried to get them to stay but they wouldn't, and being easily swayed he went along with it. And I do think they sometimes take advantage because from what I gather they were going to drive off without him if he didn't go.

I know if I tell our parents I'll end up the bad guy for snitching, but at the same time he's not daft enough to know letting his 14 year old step sister get paraletic with her older boyfriend and his mates then leaving her there was wrong. I already know that my dads gf lets her bf stay in her room and they've only just got together (incidentally its my old room - and my dad made me wait til i was 18 til I could have my long term bf stay in my room, so I'm already surprised he's letting this happen under his roof), therefore I am slightly concerned something could have happened when he left her, especially as she's putting her trust in him by letting him stay over and then he's taking advantage of that trust as soon as her back is turned. However I feel like I'll be bollocked for butting in. I dunno what to do? I'm currently trying to encourage my brother to talk to our dad but he's worried they'll fall out with him for snitching. Or should I leave it and let 'teenagers be teenagers?'

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should talk to your brother and sister and encourage them to talk to your parents. They would surely appreciate the responsibility that takes and that would stop them being (in the long-term at least) quite as mad as if you have to tell them.

    Don't interrupt their holiday over it but I do think your brother needs to own up. I don't know what I'd do in your position if he decides not to tell them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The relationship with my dad and his gf is also very new (they've been together less than a year) but she's moving in soon with her daughter so I'm concerned this bf of hers can't be trusted. But because they're all in such new relationships I'm worried it's not my place :/
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i wouldnt tell, but id let them both know you think theyre idiots and your brother that he should know better because anything could have happened and if anything like that happens again, you WILL tell.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i wouldnt tell, but id let them both know you think theyre idiots and your brother that he should know better because anything could have happened and if anything like that happens again, you WILL tell.

    Yeah I have said if I find out anything like that happens again then I'm going to tell.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well my brothers spoken to our sister and told her what he thought and that he won't tell this time but won't lie for her again, all the said was 'ok' so it doesn't sound like she's taken him seriously. But my brother said 'she will if it happens again' :lol: but he's also spoken to her bf who seems to have agreed with him and said it won't happen again. So hopefully that's the last of it...if not then I guess they're going to learn the hard way.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes tbh i would kind of expect my teenage children to get drunk if i went away and left them in charge for the weekend - what i wouldn't expect is for the older (and sober) one to abandon the younger and drunker one leaving her vulnerable.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't tell. Nothing has happened and not every man or boy out there is a rapist and I find the sole "something could have happened to her, because there were boys"-attitude pretty sexist. So she drank, puked everywhere and it was probably a valuable lesson to her. Don't be an ass and ruin your brothers and step-sisters relationship with your step-father.

    /e: I think this was the wisest course of action. I guess both of them learned their lesson.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    Don't tell. Nothing has happened and not every man or boy out there is a rapist and I find the sole "something could have happened to her, because there were boys"-attitude pretty sexist. So she drank, puked everywhere and it was probably a valuable lesson to her. Don't be an ass and ruin your brothers and step-sisters relationship with your step-father.

    /e: I think this was the wisest course of action. I guess both of them learned their lesson.

    It's not about being sexist, taking a 14 year old off to get drunk with a load of older guys doesn't look good no matter what way you look at it, especially if one of those has been put in a position of trust. If it happens again then I will bring it up.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Ballerina,

    This has clearly been bothering you a lot. You seem to feel a strong responsibility towards your step-sister and also a frustration towards your brother. It's good that you made a point of telling them both that it was unacceptable and irresponsible on both parts and it seems to have worked.

    Perhaps it's a good idea for you to tell your brother that you were this upset as you trust him and you depend on him to take care of her when you are not around. Even though it seems he has learned his lesson, this will show him you care about him and that it wasn't all about him being wrong and your step sister being vulnerable.

    At the end of the day your step sister was drinking and perhaps this is also something you could, as an older sister, explain to her the consequences of her actions.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know what your step sister is like, but I'd for the firm words with her too, as well as your brother. She knew it was against the rules and went out and did it anyway. If she wants to try and be the grown up and go out then she has to act like one too.

    You can always play the friendly side to it, I know it happened, I know you were a complete idiot, you know you were a complete idiot, but don't want to spoil my dad/your mums trip away by telling them when they get back, so don't do it again, otherwise I'll have to tell them and you'll end up in super shit.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    Don't tell. Nothing has happened and not every man or boy out there is a rapist and I find the sole "something could have happened to her, because there were boys"-attitude pretty sexist. So she drank, puked everywhere and it was probably a valuable lesson to her. Don't be an ass and ruin your brothers and step-sisters relationship with your step-father.

    /e: I think this was the wisest course of action. I guess both of them learned their lesson.

    I think more importantly that she could have made herself seriously ill through too much drinking, she could have for example chocked on her own vomit or done damage to her liver or ended up with alchol poisioning which can kill......
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No. Don't snitch on your siblings, just say what you have to say to them and leave it at that. In other words, handle it like an adult yourself.
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