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Changing your thoughts?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Is it possible to actually change the way you think about yourself and any other situations you have bad,negative thoughts about?

Ive figured out recently that I have no self belief and really beat myself up negatively in my head,constantly compare myself badly to other people and due to this I always see the negative and push any possible chances and opportunities in life away because Im always seeing something negative.

I just want to build up a good sense of self belief in myself.I want to feel worthwhile and not comepletely alone and unwanted,Sometimes I feel like compared to other people I got nothing to offer and Im just a complete 5th wheel.
This is starting to show up more and more in my friendships and especially when it comes to dating.
I have heard of affirmations and visualisation but are they really worth trying?How can I tell myself something that isnt pretty much true at all?

Anything else I can do?
Im taking a martial arts class that Im starting tonight too.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My own approach to this issue was to build a foundation for myself based on some resolutions. I resolved to stop attacking myself for things that I'd done in the past and couldn't change. I thought about how I'd have felt if some smart-ass future 'me' had come along, looking down on me for what I was doing. In essence, I accepted that everything I had done had been done for reasons, good or bad. I resolved to learn from my mistakes and use that knowledge to become stronger.

    There are plenty of people out there to criticise you, some will give you constructive criticism and others will just be plain mean. Don't criticise yourself unless it is to positive ends. Picking holes in yourself without any kind of constructive resolution or goal is self defeating and only exacerbates the rut that you're in. If you can't change something or learn from it then let it go. Don't hang on to it.

    Try and build a fortress within yourself as your foundation. Stop attacking yourself, stop hating yourself, stop putting yourself down. I'm not saying to love yourself, but leave character asassination to others. Don't help them out. Start to think about what you do WELL rather than obsessing over your failings. We all do something well, even if we're not the best in the world at it. You don't have to have some god given skill to be remarkably good at something. Of course there will be people with natural talent or aptitude, but there are others who just work damned hard. A good example would be the snooker player, Steve Davis. he didn't have the same natural talent as some other players, but he had masses of determination and he practised relentlessly. He'd deny himself food or drink until he had cleared the table of all balls in practice. He worked his way to the top through dedication and didn't rely on talent alone.

    The mind is arguably the most powerful thing that any of us have in our armoury. For every problem there are a number of solutions. Remember this. Reality is subjective. Looks are subjective. Opinions can be changed, perceptions can be changed, there are so many things in your daily life that can be altered when you simply apply your mind and get creative.

    I think that the martial arts class is a very good start, for building confidence, fitness and social integration skills.

    Never underestimate the power of self affirmation and of self counselling. It is hugely powerful. Even psychologists will tell you of the benefits of rationalising with yourself when you're in uncomfortable situations. If you apply logic, if you apply common sense and if you apply as much objectivity as you can muster then you can often get through difficult moments that might have held you up otherwise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I did CBT and it really helped me change the way I looked at myself. Have you tried therapy?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The Leaf wrote: »
    Is it possible to actually change the way you think about yourself and any other situations you have bad,negative thoughts about?

    this is the basis of cognitive behavioural therapy. you could try getting a book on CBT which would have exercises for you to do to help you learn to think more positively. it's all about recognising the situations in which you think negatively and teaching yourself to correct your thinking.

    definitely things like martial arts are helpful because it will help you gain confidence, and exercise can have positive effects on your state of mind.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah,Ive heard of CBT.Seems ok just takes a hell of a long time and a lot of writing!!

    Anyways,I found something Im trying and it seems ok so far.

    Cheers.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The Leaf wrote: »
    Yeah,Ive heard of CBT.Seems ok just takes a hell of a long time and a lot of writing!!

    i suppose it can do but it depends on whether you want to change or not.
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