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Not fitting in anywhere...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is probably more of a rant than anything....but I'm starting to feel quite lonely. I've realised I don't really have a 'niche' in a group of people anywhere in my life anymore because so much is changing in everyones lives. I've got to move back home after uni, which means moving back to my mums. My mum moved out of the family home the day after I left for uni so whenever I go back it's been to her new place with her partner. So I feel more like a lodger than coming 'home'. When I'm back at my mums I pay board as well as buy and cook my own food so I feel like a bit of an outsider. My mum and her partner just do their own thing and I'm just sort of there feeling like a third wheel. My dad is now back in the family home but after a whirlwind romance his new gf and her daughter are about to move in any time now, and pretty much live there already. So her daughter is getting my old bedroom. Most of my friends are in serious long term relationships and are starting to think about moving in together if they're not already. I just feel very out of place now and feel like I don't quite fit in anywhere like I used to, so I just seem to be a bit of a social butterfly and flitter between everyone but I never feel 'at home' anywhere anymore. I can't afford a house share even if I went full time at work, but there really are no jobs I'm able to do in my area right now. And I don't want to go for a new job and have to move and get tied down when I'm hoping to go back to university in a year or so to do a masters. I've taken to travelling to get away from it all and do my own thing, but there's only so much I can afford to do at a time. I'm 21 and feel like I should be off setting up my own life somewhere since everything back home has moved on, and I'm getting a bit too old to be around my family all the time. But I'm stuck and just don't know what to do with myself.
Anyone else feel like this after leaving uni?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not many people i knew at uni still hang out with each after leaving,other than a few who decided to stay in the area. most people went their own way and meet up occasionally which is pretty much the norm, students disperse all over the place once they graduate. if you haven't walked into a good job/got married/had kids then its always tempting to fall into the trap of thinking you're getting left behind when you see the people you went to university taking that path.

    I'd recommend saving up as much money as you can and getting your own place. moving back in with your parents is taking a big step backwards.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    While its completely normal for people to disperse after leaving education it doesnt make it any easier for the people who feel left behind. I think unless you go straight into futher education or move in with a partner after uni then I think you do almost move backwards. Living at home after uni is a bit like being a teenager again.

    I think all you can do is focus on your future plans. When do you plan to start the masters?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel the same. I've had to move back to my parents. Depending on the job situation, I may have to move out to a strange place. (could commute - but it's almost 2 hours each way - no thanks)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I plan on starting the masters next september so I'm having a year out. I'm should be spending a month abroad at some point this year so I have that at least.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel similar too. I started a new job, having graduated in June. The job is in a new town, so meant finding a room. I am not very sociable, but have tried but feel like I'm not really "fitting in". But friends from home have their own lives so even if I had stayed there I think it would have been the same. Seriously, everyone is either in a relationship, still at uni, or expecting a baby. Except me. I love travelling and find it helps until you settle in one place again!
    With me, I have to try not to think of it, and just focus on getting through each day, and I try and have at least one evening out a week ( I go climbing). Is there clubs/activities you could go to?
    But yeah, finding friends after uni seems to be challenging. *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you have a house share? How are you finding it? I don't tend to house share very well as I'm quite anal about mess/dirt/personal space etc but then I worry I'd get stupidly lonely. It's crap, everyones either settling down or carrying on studying it seems :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah that's what I have found too.
    I house share, with three others. It works really well, we get along fine, but I find there's something still a bit lonely about it if I'm honest. Definitely better than living by yourself though, as at least there are people about :)
    You may be able to find a house that is clean? When I was looking I only looked at a few, one of which was practically clinical! I thought it was too clean for my liking though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I find it hard to click with people, and even harder to live with them once bad habits and laziness start kicking in....if I could find people I got along with and weren't too messy that would be great. However finding that is hard!
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