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Life becoming a Landslide
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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I work as a welfare adviser, I'm paid good money to advise other people on their problems. I don't let them see my broken bits, I'm Professional Arctic Roll at all times. It's a front I put on, it's a front all my colleagues put on. Your colleagues are the same. I appear organised at work because I'd drop all the balls I was juggling if I wasn't, I'm so forgetful.
The idealistic view won't ever be true, but that's the same of everything. Perfection is not attainable and you know it's not. You know that idealism isn't a realistic expectation. What you can be- and what you are doing- is being the best that you can be. That's enough to make your life "feasable". It's all that everyone else is doing.
Sorry to hear you feeling like this at the moment. Arctic Roll is right - we all, to some extent, put on a 'show' for the world to see and only we ourselves really know what is going on on the inside. It sound's like you are not able to cope with your memories and how they make you feel. If this is the case - then it might be that you neeed some professional help to look at those memories? - work through them and past them, so that you no longer have to 'cope' with your reality, but be at peace with it.
Noone is beyond help or repair - so long as you have the drive and will to get the support you need and work towards facing your memories and past, as it seems that it is preventing you from moving forward and living the now.
Take care and keep posting
Have you talked about these memories with someone in the past? Did it have any affect?
Mulling over bad memories in a negative way really does lead to getting ourselves in a rut and it sounds like there may be some significant guilt related to them? It's hard to say and I don't want to make any assumptions... Please try and not be hard on yourself.
However, for the time being trying to focus on the present rather than the past may help you get through these really tough times - it's a really sunny day, is there somewhere you could go, maybe with music in your ears, to blow the cobwebs away?
*hug*