Just found out....

Former Member

...that one of my best friends was gang raped while alone on holiday the other week. We live quite far apart so don't get to see each other often as we're both busy with uni/work ect. Now I have never really spoken about it on here but I was assulted while alone in another country last year (not as badly) so I can sympathise even if I don't totally compehend what she's going through. I've told her that I'm here for her and that she can talk to me because I can at least understand what it's like to be taken advantage of while alone in another country, but what else can I do? I feel pretty useless, especially as the reason she went was to clear her head as she was already down and having a hard time...and now this

Former Member

Allow her to talk if she wants; but don't force the issue. If she wants to talk about what happened, she will.

Former Member

I think you should say something to her, something similar to what you've said here. Often, people say nothing as they're not sure what the right thing to say is but that can just make the victim feel lonelier.

Former Member

She's talking to a councellor atm and said she'll talk to me when she's ready which is fair enough. I've suggested going to a spa up the road from me whenever she visits and she wants to so that should be good.

Former Member

Hey Ballerina

It sounds like your friend is going through quite a tough time at the moment.

She'll take a lot of comfort in knowing you are there for her, whenever she does want someone to talk things over with.

You said something similar had happened to you previously? You may want to look at this website below for some information/advice which could be of use to yourself or your friend.

http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/rape_sexual-assault.php

As I say, your friend will be taking a lot of comfort in knowing she has someone she can rely on to be there for her when she needs it.

Friends like that a hard to find! :d

Former Member

My assult was an attempted date rape but luckily I realised what was going on and managed to get away before anything too serious happened. Not the same but still terrifying so I know how it feels to be taken advantage of when alone in another country.

Former Member

Sounds like you're already doing all the right things, the day out to the spa sounds like a brilliant plan. Maybe tie in with that some gentle encouragement to arrange when she's going to come up and visit, rather than waiting for her to drive it.

Former Member

I think you're doing everything right. Don't talk about it if she doesn't raise it, but make it abundantly clear that you believe her, you trust her and you are always waiting to listen when she's good and ready. You know some of what it's like, so basically treat her how you'd like to be treated yourself. Just treat her as a friend, don't try and treat her with kid gloves or suddenly start seeing her as a "victim". She's not, she's the same good friend she always was.

Former Member

I just feel useless being as far away as I am. She was having a bad time already and went there to get away and clear her head and then this happened. It's not the first time it's happened either so I'm just really worried about her and wish I could be more helpful.