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Am I Crazy?!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I was with a guy last year and we were head over heals in love. We split up because my so called 'friend' was trying to make a move on him and tried to split us up.We have stayed friends since but now it has gotton complicated on my half. We had sex a couple of weeks ago even though he has a girl friend (who lives 3 hours away on a train) and i just can't stop thinking about him. I never stopped loving him, i have always thought about him night and day. But now i can't get him out my head, i really do love him. To him, it just seems like sex, ive told him how i feel but he just keeps brushing it off. i'm starting to think that having sex with him is better than nothing but if im true to myself i know that all i want is to be able to call him mine again and have a future with him. I feel pathetic and really low at the moment. Can anyone give me any advice because forgetting about him and moving on is easier said than done?


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there,

    Just wanted to reply as you posted a few days ago and see how you were feeling? It sounds as though this relationship is really getting to you and that's totally understandable given your history with this guy and the fact that you slept together recently.

    I don't imagine anyone would say that staying mates with an ex is easy! That's not to say it can't be done but giving each other some distance for a while is often the only way to make it work, giving yourselves time to grieve for the relationship, accept that it's over and truly move on. Easier said than done though like you say..

    It's really hard to cut off from someone you love but jumping straight in to the friends zone can be very confusing - it sounds like all your feelings are still pretty fresh.

    Having sex and then being brushed off is going to knock your self-esteem, so it's no wonder you're feeling rubbish. Maybe you thought that his actions meant that deep down he wanted to be with you and not this other girl? Since that happened though it doesn't sound like much has changed :(

    He's actually treating you both pretty unfairly right now. It might feel good to be close to him again for that short amount of time but you deserve more, so keep being honest with yourself.

    Maybe try and shift your focus a bit, even if it's just for the next week or so at first - fill your time with seeing friends, doing things you enjoy, treat yourself to something nice and just look after yourself. A bit of distraction might help in the short term. Have you spoken to any friends about how you're feeling?

    You do deserve to be with someone that feels just as strongly about you as you do them and although it's really tough right now, it WILL get easier.

    Hang in there *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thank you for your reply.

    My feelings for him are still very fresh but i know that if someone can treat two people this way, it's not someone i want to be with. I'm starting to give it some space and for once, i feel so good about myself. The only thing is.. i use to suffer from manic depression but now i have mild depression so i'm doing really well but i've lost all my friends and most of my family. I now live with my sister who is starting to get depression herself so i don't really have anyone to talk. I'm glad that i have become a stronger person as i don't feel the need to comfort myself by using self-harm. This guy has really screwed with my head but knowing that it will get better has really given me the strength to carry on in persuing my happiness. So thank you for your reply, it has really made me see the truth.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    From what you've said it sounds like you really know what you want now which is great to hear, I'm glad it helped and that you're feeling good :) Often just having the confidence to go with your instincts takes getting an outsider's persepctive on a situation - a bit of reassurance can go a long way. It's not always easy to have faith in your feelings, it can be easy to question and worry about making the wrong choice.

    Sorry to hear about your sister, it can be hard to ask for support when you know someone needs support themselves and it may be good for both of you to find other support networks from time to time - if for you that's posting here then it's great that you've been brave enough to open up and it sounds like you're being really honest with yourself :yes:

    Depression can be very isolating, it may be that your friends and family just didn't know how to support you or there may be other reasons around why you say you've lost them but in time you will build new relationships again, it's all about looking forward :thumb:
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