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Non-spiritual advice on abstinence

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
ive decided that staying abstinent is right for me for my life, but its not the easiest thing to actually keep going, especially in this culture these days and with peer pressure.

ive looked around for advice and stuff on the internet on how to cope with the decision, for romantic & sexual urges etc. but it seems like everything is either all religious about waiting for marriage OR if not then just talking about abstinence as a break or something you might change later. im sure that helps loads for other people but its not much help for me if ive made up my mind.

anyone have any advice or guidance on living abstinent that doesnt involve god or changing your mind later? thanks

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If it's not for God or marriage, what is it for?
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,249 Skive's The Limit
    If it's not for God or marriage, what is it for?

    :yes:

    If you don't want to sleep with people don't. If you do want to, don't deny yourself.

    (sorry not much help)
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is this because you find yourself mostly asexual, as in not interested in anyone much?

    Or is it maybe you've been disappointed a lot and you don't want to deal with the downsides of human romantic interaction anymore?

    In either case, why don't you leave yourself the option to be one day in a relationship with normal sexual relations with a human being open? You have no idea what or who will come to you in the future, and it might fulfill you one day.

    Being busy with learning, hobbies and working and be abstinent of pornography and romantic, intimate situations with people of the sex you are attracted to is a start I suppose.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for your posts i appreicate trying to help :). im not mostly asexual i wouldnt say, although itd make things easier lol :d . my reasons are a bit hard to sum up i guess just ive decided that for me and my life i feel its best not to have those kinds of relationships. i feel its an individual choice and for me it wouldnt be a good idea

    im not trying to be arrogant... i know im not perfect and some day i might change my mind but i cant expect that or plan for that right now, so its not really about being open or closed. all i know is i think these things are not right for me, now or in the future. the problem i have is emotions arent so easy to control so im like an alcoholic wanting another drink. even if i know in my head its wrong for me, i need to accept that somehow and control my feelings of wanting.

    i try to just get on with my life like you say to be busy with work and hobbies and not care about it and sometimes thats ok, but i guess im just wondering how best to cope when i feel a longing for romantic companionship or stuff like that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think if you think its not a good idea now, then thats fine, but if in the future you do feel longing for a relationship, then re-evaluate your decision
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you gay?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    some people choose to be cellibate. if that is your choice then fair enough but urges are natural and everyone gets them, especially when it is something you can't have. it's your choice that you have made so it depends on how much you believe in your choice really, do you believe it enough to stick to it and maintain self control? its mind over matter really.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    some people choose to be cellibate. if that is your choice then fair enough but urges are natural and everyone gets them, especially when it is something you can't have. it's your choice that you have made so it depends on how much you believe in your choice really, do you believe it enough to stick to it and maintain self control? its mind over matter really.

    i think this is really it. suzy its kind of like summer says here, i feel that longing now (and im sure i will) but im trying to keep self control and override it. i can keep control but sometimes it really just sucks :banghead: im mostly just wondering if theres any advice or help on how to squash those feelings down even a bit and deal with it better so i dont feel down. basically so even if i want something on a basic level i can say no

    and lol cptcoathanger ive thought about that before, but i dont think i am since the sexual or romantic attraction i feel is to girls. i dont think my problem would be any different to me if it was guys though, id still have the same urges to control and try to live with
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you gay?

    Was thinking that too later.

    You don't need to sum it all up, but maybe give some pointers. I mean it's not mandatory, but it might help us understand better, or lets say, help me understand better, just because I am curious.

    Are you ashamed of something? Like a disability, or being homosexual?

    I was thinking a lot about this yesterday when going to bed. I don't want to make a rule of being abstinent for myself, but I am too trying to improve to have my cravings and sexual wants better in check as they caused me a lot of misery in the past.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi indeendeen :wave:

    Have you checked out our factsheet on abstinence? It points out that abstinence is something which, by its very definition, is always intended to be ended, and that long-term abstinence is better known by the word celibacy.

    Maybe you might want to try seeing if you find different non-religious information when you search for celibacy instead of abstinence?

    Will.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think we need more info on your situation. Why do you feel being abistinent will help you. Its not something everyone can stick to and its not necessarily going to help you if you are not a person suited to it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    knockknock wrote: »
    Hi indeendeen :wave:

    Have you checked out our factsheet on abstinence? It points out that abstinence is something which, by its very definition, is always intended to be ended, and that long-term abstinence is better known by the word celibacy.

    Maybe you might want to try seeing if you find different non-religious information when you search for celibacy instead of abstinence?

    Will.

    hi knockknock :wave: . thanks for the link, yeh ive checked it out. i guess im wrong in saying celibacy and abstinence for the same thing but i havent really seen anything else searching for celibacy. mostly its religious or critical of religion, or at best talks about being in a relationship while celibate soooo

    hmm ill try and give some ideas of my reasons/situation maybe thatll help. its a bit complicated so i might be too simple tho

    basically it just comes down to me looking at relationships and intimacy (including sexual) and trying to decide if that is something for me. im usually kind of conservative in what i try so i thought about it for a while. i looked at other people i know in relationships and stuff to try and get some sorta accurate idea, and just thought about how my life would be different or how it would be for me. in the end i decided that it doesnt really seem the kind of thing that would make me happier.

    i know its kind of vague but its hard to explain really - theres loads of reasons and i spent aaaages thinking about it and weighing up pros and cons. its just like it doesnt appeal to me on a thinking level but that doesnt stop any emotions. obviously emotions can easily get people into trouble cos they dont account for reason
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    relationships and attraction aren't logical though and aren't meant to be. If you choose to stay celibate than it is exactly that, a choice. i'm not sure why you would choose to be alone permenantly but good luck with it anyhow.
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