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Not taken seriously
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm new to this site and rather nervous about posting but I just REALLY need to get this out. Long story short I've been depressed for about 4 years and self harming on and off for the last 3.
Only this last winter my depression and self harm got MUCH worse. It escalated so fast in such a short amount of time I got completely terrified to be honest. So last February I finally got the courage and went to my school counselor about my self harming and she, naturally, called my mom (I live in the USA so that's the rule.) I actually WANTED her to as I didn't see how I'd tell my mom myself to be honest! It was a sort of 'rather HER than ME' type of thing.
Anyway my mom was concerned obviously and also slightly shocked seeing as I'm always 'SO happy!' (I'm a master at the happy face mask :yeees: ). She demanded I 'stop this nonsense' and took away my blade. It took her about 2 weeks but she eventually found me a therapist to go see. Which I did. Once.
The therapist Baker acted me the first time I saw her (the 'Baker Act' is Floridas term for 'Sectioning' Which are both terms for 'locking people up against their will'). I stayed in the psychiatric facility for all of 27 hours and was released. And so the search for a new counselor began as I really DID NOT want to go back to the one who had me locked up.
Well my mom never found one covered by our insurance and we can not pay for one out of pocket. So my mom deemed me 'fine' as I don't seem depressed and said "well you've gotten over yourself so I guess you don't need to go to a therapist.".
So now I am just SO ticked off. I don't think I'm attention seeking or anything but I WANT help. I WANT to get better. If I wanted attention wouldn't I have paraded around in a pair of shorts displaying my cuts and scars? I live in Florida, what I wouldn't give to be able to wear shorts! It's a bazillion degrees out ALL the time.
But I didn't. I kept everything to myself. Never told a soul. Then when I finally do pluck up the courage to ask for help I get shot down like this. It's just SO upsetting. I feel so hopeless now. Like what do I have to do to get her to take me seriously? Cut deeper? Attempt suicide? I don't want to die or be horribly scarred, I'm only 16! But Those thoughts have been swirling around in my brain ever since this ordeal happened. I don't even know what this post is about anymore, I'm just so confused I'm sorry :crying: This is just me having an emotional rant about how my life sucks now I guess.
Only this last winter my depression and self harm got MUCH worse. It escalated so fast in such a short amount of time I got completely terrified to be honest. So last February I finally got the courage and went to my school counselor about my self harming and she, naturally, called my mom (I live in the USA so that's the rule.) I actually WANTED her to as I didn't see how I'd tell my mom myself to be honest! It was a sort of 'rather HER than ME' type of thing.
Anyway my mom was concerned obviously and also slightly shocked seeing as I'm always 'SO happy!' (I'm a master at the happy face mask :yeees: ). She demanded I 'stop this nonsense' and took away my blade. It took her about 2 weeks but she eventually found me a therapist to go see. Which I did. Once.
The therapist Baker acted me the first time I saw her (the 'Baker Act' is Floridas term for 'Sectioning' Which are both terms for 'locking people up against their will'). I stayed in the psychiatric facility for all of 27 hours and was released. And so the search for a new counselor began as I really DID NOT want to go back to the one who had me locked up.
Well my mom never found one covered by our insurance and we can not pay for one out of pocket. So my mom deemed me 'fine' as I don't seem depressed and said "well you've gotten over yourself so I guess you don't need to go to a therapist.".
So now I am just SO ticked off. I don't think I'm attention seeking or anything but I WANT help. I WANT to get better. If I wanted attention wouldn't I have paraded around in a pair of shorts displaying my cuts and scars? I live in Florida, what I wouldn't give to be able to wear shorts! It's a bazillion degrees out ALL the time.
But I didn't. I kept everything to myself. Never told a soul. Then when I finally do pluck up the courage to ask for help I get shot down like this. It's just SO upsetting. I feel so hopeless now. Like what do I have to do to get her to take me seriously? Cut deeper? Attempt suicide? I don't want to die or be horribly scarred, I'm only 16! But Those thoughts have been swirling around in my brain ever since this ordeal happened. I don't even know what this post is about anymore, I'm just so confused I'm sorry :crying: This is just me having an emotional rant about how my life sucks now I guess.
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Comments
Great that you took the plunge and posted here!
Sounds like there is a lot thats been going on thats difficult for you to deal with by yourself but after all the trouble you've had its a brave step to be reaching out about it all. It sounds exhausting wearing that shiny mask all the time and scary to let it slip even online.
I dont really know how things work in the US so I'll apologise upfront for my lack of knowledge of professional services. I guess what is universal to anyone in your situation is a need for someone you trust that you can talk to and start to make sense of some of this - is there anyone in your life that fits this bill? A friend, family member or teacher/ colleague at work? Perhaps you could call/email a service like the samaritans where a volunteer listens non-judgmentally?
Here at the site, we've got lots of info on self harm and lots of friendly posters who understand some of what you're going thru.
So do keep posting here and accessing the support we can offer.
Take care :wave:
i cant offer much adivce.. im almost 16, and also been s/hing on and offfr the past 3 years.. So your not the only one! x
I havent recieved any help despite being reffered around 2 months ago! (im in england by the way x)
Im often told to ring childline but i can never bring myself to do it. Does anybody know if theres such a thing like that in US ?
hope things start looking up for you soon x