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I hate my relationship.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is the first serious post i've posted in a while, and eugh, it's take me a lot of courage to even right this, and excuse me, if this entire post, sounds like a complete ramble or skull fuck, either way, if you can help please do if not, don't worry.

I've been with this girl, for 6 months, we met kinda through school, kinda through facebook and we got on great for the first month, but i wasn't completely over my ex, and we argued and i left her. We got back together the next day, and stayed together for another 3 months, and towards the end of that time, we just argued all the time non stop, and barely had any good times, i also cheated on her, which is awful, but she didn't know.
I left her again and this time for another girl, which is bad but, i hate being alone.

When i left her, she completey destroyed my life, and i'm not over exadurating this, she really did, she took all of my friends away, and before you say, oh they're not real friends then, they were real friends, it's just, she lied a hell of a lot, about the way i treated her, which wasn't bad, she just made it out, that i was evil, annd my friends didn't want to be associated with soemone like me, so i lost all my friends, and could barely leave the house becuase this girl knew a lot of dangerous guys, that wanted me dead basically.

The girl i left her for, was great, and all, but we didn't work out, and after three months we split up.

I then got back with the first girl, and for the first month, it was great, but now it's been 3 months, and it's just like before, she controll my entire life, and we argue all day and all night, and there's nothing i can do, i'm scared to leave her, because i don't want to loose all my friends again, and become completely alienated in my social group, yet i don't really want to be in a relationship with her, but i kind of do, if only we could be happy and not argue. It's so complicated.

And to make things worse for my, my eyes have been leading my astray again because, i keep looking at other girls, not touching, just thinking about it.

I don't know what to do :'(

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm.. tough one,

    Firstly I would say it doesn't sound like a good time for you to be in a relationship, I know what your saying with the "I don't want to be alone" I was like that myself and bounced around from relationship to relationship.

    If your eyes are leading you astray, then this again is an indication of a problem with the relationship, however, an unneeded one as by your own admissible your current relationship is not working out.

    I do think you need to spend some time alone to get your head straight, firstly I would recommend ending it with your current partner. A controlling relationship is never good. You shouldn't wait to end it to jump into another relationship.

    You say your in school, this indicates to myself your quite young, again another sign that a relationship may not be best for you. Why not be "single" but just enjoy yourself on the casual scene, you obviously have quite a passion for women with those wondering eyes, so take things more causally, your young after all and we all do (just be safe about it of course)

    With regards to your friends going with your ex, Unfortunately there is not much you can do, except maybe approach a few of them and explain your side of the story. if they still decide to shun you, then there is nothing you can do. You cannot force them to be your friends, Which I am sure you know already. But I will say this, your quite young (still in school) soon you be off to uni/college/work and trust me. a lot of your school friends will drift away, Plenty more fish in the sea can be said about friends as well as women.

    I think you really need to take a step back and a breather, organise yourself as it's no good getting worked up and being in unhappy relationships, which is evident as to what it has been for you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    very truth comment, there, i agree with most of what you say, and just to say i'm 16, nearly 17, i've left school so technically i'm unemployed, so i just bum round all day everyday.

    I don't want to lose all my friends, because i'm quite prone to chronic depression, and even thinking about losing friends is depressing enough.
    They're all i have, and all i really do, i suppose i could find more, but it's kind of hard, and i'm to well known with the youth in my area, it'd mess a lot up.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should focus on yourself for a bit. Work on getting a job and finding some purpose in life before thinking about a relationship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She took all your friends away? I say good on her. If that girl finds out that you cheated on her then you've taken that girls trust away that she may never ever get back.

    I'm a guy, I've been cheated on and I know what it's like to not be able to forget the past.

    Karma's a bitch, what goes around comes around.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    From what i've seen about this situation over the months it really seems to be like you do need to be single. I know it's hard but you'll cause and receive more pain by staying with this girl- you should not stay in a relationship where you are scared of what will happen next (after she's been nice but then turns on you again?)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dump her. You've seen first hand what she's like, plus those friends aren't proper friends, they're clearly her friends first & foremost for them to believe her BS without hearing both sides before passing judgement.

    Oh yeah, and I'll bet she cheated/is cheating on you as well.

    Get rid eh?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to bring up a dead dying thread, but i left her 2 weeks ago. :) But it's hard... she done exactly what i thought. Turning everyone agaisn't me again, and ruined some of my friendships but not as bad this time, i've managed to keep most, although she got a new boyfriend within 2 days of us splitting up, apparantly she met him on facebook, but i search through her history and found she'd been talking to him for months behind my back.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Congrats Fuubar! Definitely for the best...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well done for going through with it, definately sounds like you made the right choice
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know, it feels like i've made the right choice, but with everything atm, it's still difficult. Just feels like a part of me has been ripped out... but not in a heartache kind of way, i just feel like something is missing :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i would just concentrate on your renewed relationship if you can, and ignore her as much as possible
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How'd you know i've got a new relationship!? O.o
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fuuubar wrote: »
    How'd you know i've got a new relationship!? O.o
    Two guesses:

    a) She's on your FB.
    b) She can see your new avatar...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Now you need to properly let go, so stop doing things like going through her facebook history and checking up on her. You've split up, you know that was the best thing to do, so do it properly. What's she does now isn't any of your business. Sometimes that can be the hardest bit to get your head around.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Now you need to properly let go, so stop doing things like going through her facebook history and checking up on her. You've split up, you know that was the best thing to do, so do it properly. What's she does now isn't any of your business. Sometimes that can be the hardest bit to get your head around.

    Best to delete her, I think.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Now you need to properly let go, so stop doing things like going through her facebook history and checking up on her. You've split up, you know that was the best thing to do, so do it properly. What's she does now isn't any of your business. Sometimes that can be the hardest bit to get your head around.

    Oh no, i went through her history before we split up, just to make sure it's just it never really all fitted together until we all split up, i've also deleted her looong ago. Was one of the first things i did.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I read your thread and I found it really interesting I had something really similar happen to me when was 17. I hated being alone and when I was alone I felt something was wrong or lost, but honestly its just a part of growing up. Also a guy treated me similiarly and spread loads of rumours, turned people against me BUT within a year people realised and changed their minds. So dont worry about it. As cliche as it is the truth will out.

    Yes you shouldnt have cheated and some people get really angry about those who cheat (mainly those who have been cheated on). But we're not living in traditional times anymore, times change and its naive to think people have never or would ever at some point in their life (Not to say everyone does of course). Sometimes you cant always control the situation, its just you. The good thing is you recognised it was wrong you had those feeling the second time round and knew it was a problem with the relationship and not that you're an asshole and you will always cheat. We all make mistakes so dont kick yourself for it, just learn from it that its not right thing to do cause you dont need the added worry of guilt, or fear of people finding out and giving them another reason to dislike you.

    Anyway in regards to the alone thing, you'll finally get to the point where u realise u shouldnt be in a relationship and actually really need to be single and really thats when you get to know yourself and more importantly what you ACTUALLY want in a relationship. This girl clearly didnt sound right, but somehow it kept sounding like you kept convincing yourself it would work. I agree with one of the responses, you should focus on getting a job because it will help your confidence and through that you'll meet new friends. The more you force relationships the more you'll be with someone who isnt right and trust me you'll keep hitting this wall of turmoil. It is scary but just try being single for a while, have fun, watch porn and get your confidence back. It'll be the best thing you'll ever do :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^ Love that, thank you :) great advice.
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