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Am I too picky? How can I make myself less picky?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah there were plenty of guys at uni I would not have dated either.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been thinking all this stuff over and I never meant any of this to be offensive to any genuine guys that would be a good catch for a single girl. That said there are a lot of guys out there that I have met who would be more of a burden.

    I'm thinking about the guys who say "I'm not fussed about getting a job, I can get by on JSA" or the guys who repeatedly get jobs and then quit soon after for crap reasons. I know that sometimes you have to quit your job if you are really suffering in it but after a month because it was “too hard” or “started too early”, I mean come on. Or guys who will say “Its really hard to get a job without GCSE Maths/English” but it doesn't occur to them to go back to college to retake their GCSEs.

    I'm OK supporting these guys as friends but I could never be their girlfriend, especially not long term. I would feel more like their mother.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    JanePerson wrote: »
    I've been thinking all this stuff over and I never meant any of this to be offensive to any genuine guys that would be a good catch for a single girl. That said there are a lot of guys out there that I have met who would be more of a burden.

    I'm thinking about the guys who say "I'm not fussed about getting a job, I can get by on JSA" or the guys who repeatedly get jobs and then quit soon after for crap reasons. I know that sometimes you have to quit your job if you are really suffering in it but after a month because it was “too hard” or “started too early”, I mean come on. Or guys who will say “Its really hard to get a job without GCSE Maths/English” but it doesn't occur to them to go back to college to retake their GCSEs.

    I'm OK supporting these guys as friends but I could never be their girlfriend, especially not long term. I would feel more like their mother.

    You keep saying that, I don't think any of us have deemed it unreasonable that you don't want to date a dosser.....although your original list was much more specific than that and made it sound like every person you meet has to pass a test!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Neddy wrote: »
    You keep saying that, I don't think any of us have deemed it unreasonable that you don't want to date a dosser.....although your original list was much more specific than that and made it sound like every person you meet has to pass a test!

    I'd agree with that!

    OP: I don't know you so please don't take this personally but going on your original 'requirements' I'd have to say most blokes would probably want to steer well clear of you if they knew of this list. Not because they have the 'negative' traits you appear to despise but because such picky and high maintenance women tend to be far more trouble than its worth, never satisfied with what they have in life, are constantly on the look-out for a 'better deal' and far more likely to trade a man in for a 'better' model.

    It sounds to me like you expect this 'perfect man' to just fall in your lap whilst others along the way will happily move aside fully in the knowledge they just don't match up to your standards.

    Again I stress I don't know anything about you other than what you've posted in this thread however the perception is you're probably going to end up spending many years alone and unhappy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd be much happier single than with the wrong man, dealing with the crap you get with a lot the men on the list. I'm not asking for a perfect man. None of the guys I have dated in the past have been "perfect" and regarding looks I'm less picky than most of my friends. I mention height in the list but I don't think it would be a deciding factor if I met a nice guy who was a little on the short side.

    I've met plenty of guys in the past who pass "the list test" so I know that they are out there. I just need a way to find them. Even if I don't I would rather stay single than throw my life away babysitting a man who doesn't feel the need to get a job or thinks its ok to keep going to court for petty crimes.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont think you need to be less picky really, if you wouldnt be happy with less.

    You get what you settle for
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    JanePerson wrote: »
    I've met plenty of guys in the past who pass "the list test" so I know that they are out there. I just need a way to find them. Even if I don't I would rather stay single than throw my life away babysitting a man who doesn't feel the need to get a job or thinks its ok to keep going to court for petty crimes.

    When my family came in to a large amount of cash a few years back I had no end of golddigging women trying to contact me so I have an idea of where you're coming from, although it seems far more socially acceptable for a woman to sponge off a man than the other way around.

    So you've already ment plenty of men who have passed the test yet it still didn't work out?

    I don't mean to sound flippant but have you considered the possibility that the issue is with you, and not men?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've met plenty of men who have “passed the test” in the sense that I have met many nice guys that even if I didn't feel romantic chemistry with them I could objectively see that they were good catches. Its not just about being objective its also about whether you feel the chemistry and like most people I don't feel attraction towards every member of my preferred sex.

    If you must know, the reason I broke up with my last boyfriend was because he was going to the USA after graduation and I did not want to move to the USA. Neither of us felt that we could cope with a trans-Atlantic long distance relationships and we parted mutually with no resentment.

    You do have a bit of a point in that several decades ago I would probably have taken for granted that I would be financially supported by my husband. That said I don't think I have a problem with how I approach this. Most of my female friends feel the same way about getting involved with a man like the ones I've described.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    JanePerson wrote: »
    That said I don't think I have a problem with how I approach this.

    Surely if that was the case you would not have started this thread in the first place?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was pretty surprised it was so long a list to be honest as I have never thought of myself as a picky person when it came to men. Maybe its because when I was at uni most of the guys there "passed the list" that I just took for granted that these kind of guys were plentiful.

    However when I look through the list I don't think there is anything on it that is too unreasonable. The height thing may sound harsh but I am so short that there wont be a lot of guys out there who are shorter than me.

    I guess I am just curious as to other peoples opinions. Maybe some experiences from women who have been in relationships with these types of guys.
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