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How can I stop feeling unloved and become more confident and positive?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am 28 years old and live abroad. I am in a good job, but not sure I want to stay where I am and what I will do next. I experience quite a lot of negative feelings and often feel sad. I often feel not good enough and a bad person and I feel sad that I will never meet anyone who will really love me. Most of my relationships have been such disasters with men who were unsuitable. I am insecure in relationships in general too, so that doesn't help.

I also feel angry towards my father - and this is something that has increased recently. He can be very kind and he is very giving, but I always feeled like he hated me. He would say nasty comments when I was younger which hurt me a lot. Also when he came to visit me at university he hardly said anything to me the whole time. I feel so angry about all of this and I often cry about it. I have only wanted him to love me and be proud of me but I don't think this is the case. He never asks me about my life either. Now I am older I realise that he is like that with my mother and my brother. This Christmas I went home for the first time in a year and my mother and my father fell out and my father said some comments to me about my mother I did not like, I got upset and it all escalated into my mother getting angry and he stormed off only to return later. He did apologise, but I feel like I cannot face going home again for family Christmas even though I only see my parents once or twice a year. My parents have always argued quite a lot, with trips to see me being ruined because of this and me ending up in tears and when I was little I was often included in their arguments (giving them my opinion on the situation even though I was only little) and them often saying they would get a divorce.

I am not sure how to improve things. I want to be able to be positive and forgive and forget, but I feel so rejected inside. I feel like I will never be able to have a normal relationship with anyone and I feel like I will just end up being a bad mother. I have lots of flaws in my character and I don't want to end up acting like my parents did when they were with me.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there Splitsplat,

    Welcome to Thesite's boards. It's a really supportive community here and we hope that you get the advice you are looking for. By simply opening up to others, you may find you feel better.

    Seems that you feel quite insecure about yourself and angry towards your Father. Growing up seeing your parents argue and hearing your Father being negative must have been difficult for you. But life doesn't have to repeat itself - it seems like you are aware of what you don't want to be, so focus on this - you don't have to end up like your parents.

    Much of what you have described could be linked to low self-esteem, perhaps the links can help to boost your self esteem? Check out the links on the right hand side of the page too. Do something small everyday to make yourself feel better about yourself - feeling good about yourself shines through and you may find that better relationships come your way.

    Also, focus on the positives - you have a good job & a family who you do seem to care about. Build on the positives. Keep posting and take care :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How can I stop feeling unloved
    That's why God gave you hands! :p
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