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My coworkers are ostracizing me. When will they come back?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok so...at first, most people used to talk to me. In fact, when I first started, every single person talked to me but ONE girl. Now, I have a problem with anyone not liking me. idk y, but I can't accept that not everyone's gonna like me, so I riase hell whenever someone don't. No one is liked by everyone, but I have to be to keep my sanity.

I'll call her Kyra. Kyra liked most other ppl but not me. One day, I begged her and tried to pay her money, which she turned down. They called corporate on me and told me firmly that's unacceptable. That was when other ppl started avoiding me. For an anger outlet, I treated other ppl like sh*t and got written up. When my boss said 2 more write ups and I'm gone, I flicked her off when she turned around (she never ound out.) Then it got to the point I stared at Kyra on my days off and got asked to leave bc I "stalked" her. She was afraid I'ma do something, so she had 2 other ppl add me on FB to watch me.

Finally, I screamed at my boss publicly bc my rage needs outlet. That really sealed the deal. Aside from 2 weeks suspension and ending up w/ on-call hours when I returned, I got completely ostracized. This was a team based environment, but coworkers even refused to lend me a hand when I needed it, slowing down my work. Three weeks after I returned from suspension, I quit. Can anyone tell me why those who used to talk to me ended up ostracizing me? When will they come back?

I remember also windexing Andrea's coat bc Kyra's her friend.
When Kyra gave a few coworkers boxes of chocolate for christmas, I stole a few from them.
Kyra didn't like some of the ppl she's currently friends with. Jane told me Kyra hated her for months until she accidnetly made coffee wrong and burned ppl and Kyra thought it was funny. Anyway, I purposely made coffee wrong and burned myself, but Kyra just got disgusted.
After I quit, Kyra even go out to eat with coworkers outside work. I tried to add her to FB but she ignored me
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So basically, you treated people like shit and now you wonder why they don't like you? Or have I read that wrong?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MoK wrote: »
    So basically, you treated people like shit and now you wonder why they don't like you? Or have I read that wrong?

    No you read that right. But I like treated cursed out 4 ppl and the entire place don't like me. I'm like...?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you think that the others should just not mind that you treated their co-workers like shit, and like you anyway?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why should they like you, when you have been rude, abusive, stolen from them and damaged a coat?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MoK wrote: »
    Why should they like you, when you have been rude, abusive, stolen from them and damaged a coat?

    Well, no one knew I ate their chocolate and damaged a coat, but they DID know I was rude and abusive. I only wanted them to forgive me bc Kyra hurt me and I needed an anger outlet.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you think that the others should just not mind that you treated their co-workers like shit, and like you anyway?

    No I don't. Still, it doesn't feel too good to be ostracized.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How did Kyra hurt you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No I don't. Still, it doesn't feel too good to be ostracized.

    thats what happens when you take your anger out on other people
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MoK wrote: »
    How did Kyra hurt you?

    by not wanting to be my friend.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    she doesnt have to be your friend if she doesnt want to
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does everyone have to be your friend then?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MoK wrote: »
    Does everyone have to be your friend then?

    Well, I WANT everyone to be my friend even though I know it's impossible (not just for me, but for anyone.) I just wanna know how to not need everyone to like me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You begged her and offered her money to be your friend? Then went crazy and started abusing people? You also stalked her?

    wtf :confused:

    I've known girls who are like you in that they can't handle even one person disliking them but they don't take it to those extremes, you're off the wall mental!

    Perhaps you should try realising how counter-productive that sort of behaviour is, people aren't going to like you if you continue with that sort of nonsense. It's crazy.

    That said, I would love to get a job wherever you end up working next! :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Erm... I find that more extreme than compulsive liars who do it to get everybody to like them. I can't believe you try to pay her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well you made a tit of yourself and then wanted people to like you? If you're abusive towards someone why should they be your friend? You sound like you got issues you need to deal with.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Treat people how you want to be treated.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Even if you have not been awkward towards people, word will travel around the office and people wont easily forget how you were towards people. They won't have had to have you acting that way towards them, but they know you are capable of it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You do really need to realise that not everyone is going to like you and doesn't want to be friends with you. It's not right reacting the way you do, have you spoken to a doctor? You can't buy people's friendship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Lea* wrote: »
    You do really need to realise that not everyone is going to like you and doesn't want to be friends with you. It's not right reacting the way you do, have you spoken to a doctor? You can't buy people's friendship.

    yeah my shrink and I just started working on this issue.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I also remember wanting them to like me so bad, I went back in occasionally as a customer (after I quit.) They act like they don't even know me, but a few minutes later, someone else who quit went in and they ralked to her like BFF's. I wish I hadn't treated ppl bad.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well take it as a lesson learnt. You cant get your own way all the time by throwing your toys out the pram
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's become a pattern. At school, when Jessica won't be my friend, I begged her and paid her money. Then I cursed out other ppl, esp her friends. I also hit and threw stuff and even once screamed obscenities in the coffeeshop. Consequently, ppl ostracized me, even those who used to talk to me.

    At Wal-Mart, when Emily won't be my friend. I begged her and gave her money (once!) and got written up for harassment. I stood by the fitting room instead of working bc Emily worked in the nearby dept. I got a poor eval for poor productivity. I stopped standing by the fitting room but spent the rest of my time at Wal-mart being angry that Emily "caused this." Finally, I exploded and cursed out Melissa and physically assaulted the fitting room pole. I got canned for workplace violence.

    The job I described above was at McD's w/ Kyra. Ever sicne I quit in May, I haven't found a job since. I also recently got diagnosed w/ Borderline.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    are you on medication for it>?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    are you on medication for it>?

    Yes I am and I'll prolly need plenty more in the times to come. What made Kyra not like me from DAY 1?! I remember every time new ppl came to work, I would pray for Kyra to hate her too. When Kyra becomes her best friend, I'd treat that person like shit.

    Kyra liked Anne very much (same age). Whenever Anne said anything to me, I’d become an inanimate object, neither saying anything nor moving a muscle. Anne happened to be one of the managers and whenever she asked me to do something, I’d pretend not to hear. Once, when Anne said she saw my facebook which said what school I went to and asked what I’d studying, I exploded, “Psychology, so I could understand how ppl like YOU got Kyra to like her!”

    Can't help that I'm jealous.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think it would be worth trying to get some sort of behavioural therapy and learning about what makes people want to be your friend, and what makes them want to avoid you
  • LauraOLauraO ********* Posts: 535 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Hi stoned_angel432 :wave:

    It sounds like you are going through a bit of a difficult time with your friends at the moment and are not quite sure how to deal with it *hug*

    From your first post it sounds like your behavior has upset a few of the people you used to work with. You say that you don't understand why they aren't continuing to be friendly towards you, but Melian gave some good advice
    Melian wrote: »
    Treat people how you want to be treated.
    would you be happy to be treated the way that you treated your ex-colleagues? If you have upset them it is unlikely that they will immediately start talking to you again, or add you as a friend on Facebook. They may be wary of you because your behaviour has been a bit unpredictable and it is likely that other people have heard about this and are now not sure how to approach you. Have you thought about apologising to them or speaking to them to try and build bridges? They may respect you for taking the first step rather than expecting them to contact you.

    You mentioned that you have started speak to a counselor about your issues, which may including dealing with anger, and it's great that you are getting some support and have someone to chat to about your feelings. How are the sessions going? Do you feel that they are helping?

    Lea gave some really good advice too:
    *Lea* wrote: »
    You do really need to realise that not everyone is going to like you .
    No one can ensure that everyone they meet will want to be their friend, and for many people it's more important to have a few close friends. There is a great section on TheSite all about friendships which you might like to read through. It has articles such as how to survive a row, what to do when you are struggling with a friendship and how to be a good mate.

    Hope that the sessions with your counselor are helpful, keep us updated with how you are getting along :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have tried to apologize and they forgave me the first coupla times, but the more Kyra hurt me, the more I cursed them out again. Now, apologies no longer worked.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So basically she decided she didnt want to be your friend, so you became rude and abusive to other people because you were angry she wasn't friendly with you, and stalked her in your free time, and tried to bribe her to be your friend, and now you're wondering why no one wants anything to do with you - isn't it fairly obvious?

    You're not in pre-school anymore, it takes a lot more than simply saying sorry to mend adult relationships. Plus you're an idiot for thinking you can behave like that towards people and it won't have any effect on them. Now you're just going to have to deal with it and accept the fact that you caused the problem and that she isn't your friend. You need to move on, and if you can't do that and accept people will treat you differently now, then find a new job!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blacksheep wrote: »
    So basically she decided she didnt want to be your friend, so you became rude and abusive to other people because you were angry she wasn't friendly with you, and stalked her in your free time, and tried to bribe her to be your friend, and now you're wondering why no one wants anything to do with you - isn't it fairly obvious?

    You're not in pre-school anymore, it takes a lot more than simply saying sorry to mend adult relationships. Plus you're an idiot for thinking you can behave like that towards people and it won't have any effect on them. Now you're just going to have to deal with it and accept the fact that you caused the problem and that she isn't your friend. You need to move on, and if you can't do that and accept people will treat you differently now, then find a new job!

    I had quit that job in May last year bc I couldn't stand being ostracized. Ever since then, I couldn't find a job even after 9 interviews. Frustrating!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd like to know hoe come my family is more tolerant of that behavior than other ppl. My family didn't ostracize me.
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