If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Falling for housemate
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
The last time I posted in a forum I was about 14 but here goes...I'm nearly 21 and in my final year of uni, I've been happily single for nearly 2 years (when I say single, I mean single-single, no flings) and I think I have feelings for my house mate.
We're constantly talking and laughing, I'm completely myself around him. I'm always thinking about him and I miss him a lot when we're apart. Tell tale signs right? I'm pretty sure it might be reciprocated too. However when we're sitting close together (watching tv or whatever) or when he tries making physical contact, I tense up, flinch or turn away. I can't help it.
I'm in two minds, either I'm now really shy with guys (I've been hurt several times before) and I've completely lost my confidence, or I'm just not physically attracted to him. Everyone's supposed to meet their 'soul mates' at uni and I'm freaking out about moving back home with my parents next year, so perhaps I'm attracted to the *idea* of having him as a boyfriend, not him himself? Either way it's a very inconvenient and distracting scenario.
I feel like I'm in all or nothing situation. He's one of my best friends and I don't want to hurt him by making a move then changing my mind. Not to mention, it'd be mega awkward for everyone in the house, we're all really good friends and I'd hate to complicate it.
Anyone else experienced the same thing? Any advice appreciated
We're constantly talking and laughing, I'm completely myself around him. I'm always thinking about him and I miss him a lot when we're apart. Tell tale signs right? I'm pretty sure it might be reciprocated too. However when we're sitting close together (watching tv or whatever) or when he tries making physical contact, I tense up, flinch or turn away. I can't help it.
I'm in two minds, either I'm now really shy with guys (I've been hurt several times before) and I've completely lost my confidence, or I'm just not physically attracted to him. Everyone's supposed to meet their 'soul mates' at uni and I'm freaking out about moving back home with my parents next year, so perhaps I'm attracted to the *idea* of having him as a boyfriend, not him himself? Either way it's a very inconvenient and distracting scenario.
I feel like I'm in all or nothing situation. He's one of my best friends and I don't want to hurt him by making a move then changing my mind. Not to mention, it'd be mega awkward for everyone in the house, we're all really good friends and I'd hate to complicate it.
Anyone else experienced the same thing? Any advice appreciated
0
Comments
First off, the idea that everyone meets their soulmate at uni is simply not true - some people do, but if that were the case then me and everyone I know who's ever been to uni failed miserably!
Secondly, you're definitely not in an 'all or nothing' situation - if anything it's the opposite! You're living together, you're close friends, and you're figuring out if you want anything more. If you do, there's the possibility of a relationship, and if you don't, you've still got a great mate who you obviously are glad is in your life. Why do you have to make any decisions now? If you're not sure, take some time to clarify your feelings - he's not going anywhere soon and as you said, jumping in now and then changing your mind would be difficult for everyone involved.
How about you find a way of spending some time alone together and see what emotions that brings up for you?
Thanks for the help and putting a different light on this