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Rude People on Boards.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
First off, this has nothing to do with anyone on here. This is my first thread since our introduction, I haven’t been on here long enough to form opinions of anyone yet. It’s more of a rant than anything else. And it would make much more sense if you read our post in the intro section first. Also I did not know where to put this but I figured relationships would do as it is mostly about people. Feel free to move it if it is in the wrong place.

We are part of a support board for people with mental health illnesses etc and up until now it has been really helpful. For the first time we have been able to get to know others who have the same problems as us and who understand where we are coming from. And who don’t get annoyed when I refer to myself as plural. But recently a new member joined, so far this person has made no attempt to communicate socially or to give advice or support to others who need help. He started a thread asking for advice on a certain situation. Plenty of people replied with advice and support but this person though every piece of advice back, saying it was pointless or that he had already tried it, everything that was suggested he came up with some illogical reason as to why this wouldn’t work. He then complained that no one was giving him any advice. When it was pointed out to him that people were giving advice but he just wasn’t accepting it he started insulting those that were trying to help him, saying things like 'looks like I have to start teaching you people to read', calling people delusional, including my host when she tried to help. He decided that because people were getting upset at him constantly being aggressive and throwing their help back in their faces that they must be racist.

Eventually that thread was blocked but this person has now started a new thread and the cycle has started all over again, every bit of advice has been rejected, people are being insulted and accused of being abusive and racist towards him, which is ridiculous firstly as he is a name on a screen and no one knows anything about him and secondly because he is the only one who has ever mentioned race. People are getting upset and it all keeps escalating.

Now usually this wouldn’t bother me, I tend to ignore things like this. But Elsie is so sickeningly sweet that she keeps trying to help him even though he is being nothing but rude to her. I admit that it is obvious that this guy is in a bad place and that he needs help. But that does not excuse his behaviour. More than once he has called Elsie delusional, which surely anyone who knows what M.P.D is would realise how cruel and hurtful that was.

His behaviour is completely unacceptable for any board, never mind one based around mental health where many people are suicidal and have huge problems of their own. He has really upset Elsie on more than one occasion, but because people keep posting on the thread it keeps getting bumped to the top of the list. I really do not know what to do any more. I cannot sit back and let him upset my host. But short of tracking him down and chopping off his fingers so he can’t type anymore I don’t see what I can do. We have tried reporting him, numerous times. We put him on our ignore list but he keeps getting taken off it again. (We think it must be Mitch, he does like to cause trouble). I have tried keeping us away from the thread but Elsie just can’t resist someone who is hurting. It has got to the point where we have been avoiding the entire website but in doing so we have taken away our link with others like us.

It is all very infuriating.

Alex.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Alex, welcome to thesite.

    I'm sure it must be very frustrating to have to deal with behaviour such as this, there have been many instances on these boards also in the past with similar occurences and I'm sure most forums have had to put up with some kind of maliciousness or 'trolling' at some point.
    What you have to bear in mind that although posters can say some hurtful things and just generally be a nuicance to others, it is unlikely that they mean any distress or harm to the rest of the 'civilised' users and that they are most likely just posting for attention. Its like a naughty child acting out for their parents, even negative attention is still attention right?
    Eventually the poster in question will get bored and go elsewhere for their advice because as it seemed they have said many times, the responses they have recieved so far are not what they were looking for.
    I guess the point I'm trying to make is, ignore them and they will go away.
    Perhaps you could introduce Elsie to these boards, it sounds as though she would fit in very well.

    Hope it all works out pal
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Chears mate. I am trying to ignore him as best I can but its hard. I am really protective of those I care about, I have some good friends on the board and this person is upsetting them all. A couple of members have already left and some of the things that he said badly triggered one girl and caused her to self harm. I think others are finally begining to realise that there is no point in trying and have started to ignore the thread too. Hopefully it will die down soon and the person will go somewhere else like you said.

    Elsie has already been introduced. Im sure she will come on one of these days, she is rather shy and it takes a quite a while for her to get comfortable enough to actually start posting properly. We have multiple personality disorder so, basically, Elsie is my alter ego. Or rather Im her alter ego as she is the 'host' or primary personlity and person who's body I inhabit - you didnt really think such a manly man like me could come up with that sappy username did you ;).

    Alex
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello Alex.

    Don't really know what to suggest about your problem, sorry about that but I hope it gets resolved soon! If Elsie wants to help him then there's nothing you can do but rise above.

    Quick question; in your Introduction you said that 'Cara' was saying hello and she had picked your username. But you just said Elsie picked it and you're a male personality called Alex? Just wanted to get it straight, are you 3 personalities?

    Good luck!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, sorry for the confusion, things do get a bit muddled. I don’t think I really explained it in the intro but yeah, pretty much. It’s hard to explain all the ins and outs to someone who has no experience of it, and it possibly would need a thread to itself but here is how my psychiatrist explained it.

    It is a coping mechanism, caused when a person suffers a traumatic experience, usually during early childhood. Very often a recurring trauma or trauma at the hands of a family member etc. There is still quite a bit of speculation about the exact cause but the general belief is that when a child suffers trauma which they are not able to deal with, the memory and awareness of this trauma splits off and goes in to the subconscious where the child can’t access it. It then develops and comes through later as a separate personality (we call them alters). This then becomes a coping mechanism for the person when faced with stressful, etc, situations.

    He used a lot more fancy words but that’s basically it.

    I should probably clarify that I really have no control over what my alters think, say, do etc. I know that they are in my head and that they are technically a part of me, but I have no say or knowledge of anything. I’ve met quite a few people who just can’t understand it (I’m not saying that you are one of them) and say well 'why don’t you just control them', 'get rid of them' etc etc. But it’s not that easy. The only way that we are able to communicate between us is via a notebook which we write everything down in. I am not conscious when one of my alters is in the driving seat, I have no memory of what has happened. No idea of what they may have done, which is why things tend to get muddled. For example, the only reason I knew that Cara had joined up to these boards is because she wrote it in our notebook. And I had no idea that this thread was here until I came on just now and saw it in the new posts list.

    Like I said I have met a lot of people who just don’t understand. Even after I have explained it to them a dozen times they still think that I am in control of it all the time. Like my alters are some strange thing I created on purpose to remove myself from the responsibility of my actions. Which is ridiculous. I would give anything to be my own person again.

    Sorry that was a bit of a ramble. In answer to your question. Yes. Myself, Alex and Cara. I used to have two other alters but they seem to have faded out.

    To be completely honest it would be much better if everyone could just forget we are multiple personalities and treat us as individuals. We are usually quite good at signing our separate names at the bottoms of posts so you know who it is that’s speaking. We are all separate people with our own individual tastes desires emotions etc just like everyone else. It just so happens that we all share the same body.

    I hope this helped make things a bit clearer.

    Elsie Xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In response to Alex's post. I have started trying to ignore him since he called me delusional. But it’s just so hard since its really obvious that he is in a lot of emotional pain and I feel bad ignoring someone who is hurting that much.

    But since he caused one of my friends to self harm due to his general horribleness I have realised that I need to try harder to not give in to the temptation to reply again. I must not let him damage my mental health.

    Elsie Xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it’s just so hard since its really obvious that he is in a lot of emotional pain and I feel bad ignoring someone who is hurting that much.

    Being in pain is not a get-out-of-jail-free card for being a horrible person. It's understandable why someone who is suffering themselves would want others to suffer too, but that doesn't make it ok. He needs to be able to accept responsibility for his actions.

    You seem like you've come to this conclusion on your own, but I think you are right to try and ignore him. It's not worth hurting yourself for a name on a message board :)
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