Fear *could be triggering*

Former Member

Fear

I have so much fear against food its scares me so bad,
It brings me so down that i am always so sad,
Getting so anxious i just sit here and cry,
Hoping that i could just forget this Ed and say goodbye,
Its so hard too sometimes just get through the day
sometimes i wish i could just run away
But ana will still be with me day and night,

I'm so sick of trying,
When most days i just cant stop crying,
I hate the way i am,
Not wanting to get up in the morning coz too scared to face the day,
but i have to, have to smile just so they think that i am okay

Most days all i wanna do is curl up and die,
To forget and end the pain i feel and just say goodbye,
People judge me for who i am,
My own best mate hurt me for being depressed, she just didnt give a dam,

I really do try,
Try so hard to keep a smile on my face so people dont ask the reason why,
I absoultly hate hiding the real me,
But if im down, people will judge you'll soon see,
I already hate myself as it is,
If people start to judge it'll push me further,
I don't think i can hate myself anymore than i already do,
I could kill myself before anyone else really had a clue,

I'm so sick of trying,
When most days i just cant stop crying,
I hate the way i am,
Not wanting to get up in the morning coz too scared to face the day,
but i have to, have to smile just so they think that i am okay,

I really do wish my life would just end,
I just don't see the point in living ,
But if i try to kill myself again,
I think this time there will be no more forgiving,
I wish more people would understand or atleast try,
no-1 even cares anymore, there sick of me wanting to die,
I cannot help the way that i am feeling,
I know im not worth anything,
i'm a cutter, yes but that doesnt make me a nutter,

I try to hold it all up inside,
Most days its too much to bare,
but i know deep down you just dont care,
I walk away silently not saying a singel sound,
But really my heart is shattered as it hits the ground.

17th Jan 2011

**helen**

Hello,
It's great that you use poetry to express yourself and it can be really positive to get your feelings out in this way.

It's also worth bearing in mind that some people might be upset by this kind of poetry and so I've just added a note to the title so that if people are feeling low they might think twice before reading it.

Thanks.

Former Member

shoooooot im soooooooo sowi i forgot to put triggering sowi xxx

Former Member

Shit just re read it and says my name omg omg omg hope no1 who knows me read it x

Former Member

hopefully no one did xx

why dont u edit it incase somebody does in future tho xx

and anyway, fairly sure you probably not the only one out there x

Former Member

Hey Dani, that was a very strong and emotional poem, I hope are getting the support and help you need, were here for you *hug* x