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The girl i love is pregnant

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I split up with this girl awhile ago and I know she started seeing this guy. We both still love each other (well at least she said she did).

I tried everything to get her back but was in a world of depression not being with her but I knew deep down one day we would be together.

Last night she hits me with the news shes pregnant with this guy and is seriously thinking about keeping it, they aren't together and he doesn't know yet.

To say i'm gutted is an understatement. I can't believe it, I always thought it would be mine. I've begged her to have an abortion because shes too young and it wouldn't be fair on the child.

She doesn't want to talk to me and I don't know what to do I have been sick all day thinking about it. I love her more than I could ever imagine :(
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Pokerstar wrote: »
    I split up with this girl awhile ago and I know she started seeing this guy. We both still love each other (well at least she said she did).

    I tried everything to get her back but was in a world of depression not being with her but I knew deep down one day we would be together.

    Last night she hits me with the news shes pregnant with this guy and is seriously thinking about keeping it, they aren't together and he doesn't know yet.

    To say i'm gutted is an understatement. I can't believe it, I always thought it would be mine. I've begged her to have an abortion because shes too young and it wouldn't be fair on the child.

    She doesn't want to talk to me and I don't know what to do I have been sick all day thinking about it. I love her more than I could ever imagine :(

    I'd ask first if you're sure she's really pregnant...maybe she told you this to see what your reaction would be?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Theres no way shes lying I had to get it out of her for why shes been acting off with me and her friend knows so she wouldn't lie and its never something she would really do.

    She was on the pill, I'm not sure how effective it is but I wouldn't be suprised if shes stopped taking it on purpose.

    I dont know if i should leave it or keep pushing her to get an abortion. It's got nothing to do with me really but because I love her i feel it has.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Pokerstar wrote: »
    I dont know if i should leave it or keep pushing her to get an abortion. It's got nothing to do with me really but because I love her i feel it has.

    It's her body, her baby and her choice what she does. It's not up to you whether she keeps the baby or not.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    It's her body, her baby and her choice what she does. It's not up to you whether she keeps the baby or not.

    So you think it's acceptle for a single mum to bring up a baby and have a poor life living off benefits. A girl who had good prospects. I know her and it will be the biggest mistake of her life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Pokerstar wrote: »
    So you think it's acceptle for a single mum to bring up a baby and have a poor life living off benefits. A girl who had good prospects. I know her and it will be the biggest mistake of her life.

    I didn't say that. I said it's up to her what she does - not you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Pokerstar wrote: »
    I split up with this girl awhile ago and I know she started seeing this guy. We both still love each other (well at least she said she did).

    I tried everything to get her back but was in a world of depression not being with her but I knew deep down one day we would be together.

    Last night she hits me with the news shes pregnant with this guy and is seriously thinking about keeping it, they aren't together and he doesn't know yet.

    To say i'm gutted is an understatement. I can't believe it, I always thought it would be mine. I've begged her to have an abortion because shes too young and it wouldn't be fair on the child.

    She doesn't want to talk to me and I don't know what to do I have been sick all day thinking about it. I love her more than I could ever imagine :(

    This is one of the saddest thing I heard in a while. Makes my circumstances look like a joke, and they are grinding me down at times. I hope for the best that it still somehow works out. Take care man.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Pokerstar wrote: »
    So you think it's acceptle for a single mum to bring up a baby and have a poor life living off benefits. A girl who had good prospects. I know her and it will be the biggest mistake of her life.

    Of course thats not acceptable, and its understandable for you to be upset but it is ultimately her choice. You could try sitting her down and explaining why you think she should have an abortion, not because its difficult for you seeing her with another guys baby but because she's young and it wont be fair on the baby. If shes adamant shes keeping it then i guess all you can do is be there for her and support her through it as a friend.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sucks for everyone, but youve just got to wait and see now. You mustnt pressurise her into an abortion. Thats not on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have never felt a feeling like this before, she wont speak to me. I can't be there for her if she goes through with it i really can't.

    Honestly never felt so helpless and gutted. So much for christmas
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sucks for everyone, but youve just got to wait and see now. You mustnt pressurise her into an abortion. Thats not on

    Agreed. I have pretty strong views on people who aren't ready to be parents living off state handouts but there is something very unsettling about someone pressuring someone else to abort a child which essentially has nothing to do with them.

    Put yourself in the other guys shoes for one second Pokerstar. If she had an abortion and then he found out what she had done, and that you had pressured her into it, how would you feel about the guy who had put the pressure on. Not great I bet....

    Let her make her choice, if you can't handle it walk away. This is not your decision to make.....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Neddy wrote: »

    Put yourself in the other guys shoes for one second Pokerstar. If she had an abortion and then he found out what she had done, and that you had pressured her into it, how would you feel about the guy who had put the pressure on. Not great I bet....

    Ultimately its her decision but your line of argument is totally wrong here, most guys would be relieved that they wouldn't have to choose between paying child support or quitting their job and living off benefits.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't explain just how much of a dick you'd be for pressuring her futher into an abortion.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    grace wrote: »
    I can't explain just how much of a dick you'd be for pressuring her futher into an abortion.

    This.

    Of course she won't talk to you if all you can do is press for an abortion of a child that isn't even yours. It's just so wrong and insensitive, I can't imagine getting such treatment from somebody who claimed to love me, my friends wouldn't even dare.

    You seem to be too clouded and shocked to actually be there for her at this point, I think you first need to deal with your emotions before you can truly be able to support and advise her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Neddy wrote: »
    Agreed. I have pretty strong views on people who aren't ready to be parents living off state handouts but there is something very unsettling about someone pressuring someone else to abort a child which essentially has nothing to do with them.

    Put yourself in the other guys shoes for one second Pokerstar. If she had an abortion and then he found out what she had done, and that you had pressured her into it, how would you feel about the guy who had put the pressure on. Not great I bet....

    Let her make her choice, if you can't handle it walk away. This is not your decision to make.....

    I want her to tell him. I'm not sure what he will say but honestly can't see him sticking around. I can see him being there and leaving her out to dry.

    Most people would be relieved. In thoery I can walk away untouched but love keeps drawing me back in. I know it's wrong to force and abortion on her but i've seen so many lives ruined from stupid actions.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Pokerstar wrote: »
    I know it's wrong to force and abortion on her but i've seen so many lives ruined from stupid actions.

    That might be right, but it still is not your life and you are not her legal guardian. I am sure she is going through a LOT now too, as it is a life changing impact and has a hard time deciding on the right thing, whatever that might be.

    You better distance yourself from her, before it eats you up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    That might be right, but it still is not your life and you are not her legal guardian. I am sure she is going through a LOT now too, as it is a life changing impact and has a hard time deciding on the right thing, whatever that might be.

    You better distance yourself from her, before it eats you up.

    I'll give her some space and get to grips with it myself and i'll give her a call after chrismas is over.

    I think i was trying to force her for my own benifit because we could get back together, I'll admit that and I know it is wrong. I've sent a long message explaining myself and that i will stay away but i'm always there.

    I appreciate you all, thank you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Pokerstar wrote: »
    I love her more than I could ever imagine frown.gif
    Pokerstar wrote: »
    I can't be there for her if she goes through with it i really can't.

    Some guys love a girl so much that they are prepared to take on the responsibility of another man's baby as their own. If you are not able to love her to that extent, then pull yourself together and move on. She obviously isn't 'the one'. Wait for the girl that you are able to sacrifice everything for.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^ :yes:

    I would also imagine she has enough to think about at the moment without you pressuring her for an abortion. It may feel harsh but it's her and the other guys baby and it's up to them to decide what to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Now it's come out she doesn't know who the dad is.

    This really isn't the girl I know
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Pokerstar wrote: »
    Now it's come out she doesn't know who the dad is.

    This really isn't the girl I know

    And might be just the sort of realization you need to get over it. Sorry if this is not helpful, I try to look at the bright side.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    And might be just the sort of realization you need to get over it. Sorry if this is not helpful, I try to look at the bright side.

    Believe me i'm trying :crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When the baby is born, would it be possible to get DNA testing on it?
    This way you would be able to tell who the father of the baby is :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ~Violet~ wrote: »
    When the baby is born, would it be possible to get DNA testing on it?
    This way you would be able to tell who the father of the baby is :)

    Perhaps disprove who the father is, if she doesn't know who the father is, is it possible she had a one night stand and really does not know?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ~Violet~ wrote: »
    When the baby is born, would it be possible to get DNA testing on it?
    This way you would be able to tell who the father of the baby is :)

    yea, but who really cares? It's not his, so why does it matter?

    I know, trying to calm someone with soothing words is nice, but getting someone's hopes up isn't.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's 100% not mine, quite upset if she has has a one night stand which looks like she has but thats up to her. I've not tried to contact her today because she wouldn't txt back or answer anyway.

    My mates have been very supportive and one said 'It will be the biggest regret of her life to shut the door on me'. I'm starting to think hes right.

    Looks like my true soul mate is still out there *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there Pokerstar,

    It seems this situation has made you think a lot about your relationship with this girl. You start by saying how upset you are about this, and later you journey into not being sure whether she truly is the one for you. These situations always help us think about what we truly want and perhaps this is a good opportunity for you to re-assess what you feel.

    Perhaps the memory of her is what you are holding on to;
    This really isn't the girl I know

    So perhaps accepting the relationship is over could be an important step to make. Off course it will be hard to get over it, but giving yourself time (and perhaps space) can help.

    Concerning giving her advice about her unborn baby, perhaps you could suggest different options for her and let her make her own final decision?
    If you pressure her into making the decision you think is right, she might eventually blame and resent you for it.

    Let us know how you get on and good luck x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    on the other hand, if you really cared, youd be there for her
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    on the other hand, if you really cared, youd be there for her

    She doesn't want me there so not much I can do.

    christele i think your right i'm holding on to how it used to be :chin:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Pokerstar wrote: »
    She doesn't want me there so not much I can do.

    Telling her to have an abortion is hardly being supportive. No wonder that she doesn't want you there. Just get on with your life now, dude, and leave her to get on with hers.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Pokerstar wrote: »
    It's 100% not mine, quite upset if she has has a one night stand which looks like she has but thats up to her. I've not tried to contact her today because she wouldn't txt back or answer anyway.

    My mates have been very supportive and one said 'It will be the biggest regret of her life to shut the door on me'. I'm starting to think hes right.

    Looks like my true soul mate is still out there *hug*

    And you've learned one of the most valuable lessons you can possibly learn when dealing with the opposite sex - you can never really know them & don't project your ideal of what you'd like to them be onto that person and presume they are that ideal because you are almost certainly mistaken. Pretty much everyone has done that at some point, and most continue to do so.
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