Can a relationship recover from this?

Former Member

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost six years, and living together for one. We have had a great relationship, with your typical ups and downs, but nothing too serious. We have been through a lot together (divorce of parents, death of family members, death of best friends, etc.) and I love him dearly.

This past weekend we went to a wedding, and he drank too much. When we got home he was just acting like an utter drunken idiot, so I decided to video tape him so I could show him in the morning why he needs to be more carefuly with how much he drinks. (I have told him this in the past) Maybe like ten minutes later, he ran upstairs and grabbed my phone out of my hand and then he held onto my arm and he wouldn't let me go. He also threw some of my things on the ground. I got scared and left.

In the entire six years of our relationship, nothing of this sort has ever happened, nor has anything even remotely close to this happened. He is not a violent person, I have NO idea where this came from. My mom and sister think I should break up with him, because violence is never ok. And I agree, I always told myself I would never stay with somebody who ever hurt me.

I stayed at my mom's house for two days to clear my head. He has since gone to the doctor, got a recommendation for a therapist, and also asked his father to take him to AA (alcoholics anonymous). I never thought he was an alcoholic, but he decided that if he can get so out of control and do something so out of character because of drinking, that is a problem.

I am now in a predicament. I love him to death, and I don't want to leave him. On the other hand, I don't want to be that dumb girl that gets back together with somebody who has done something like this. I know what he did was very wrong, but I feel like he realizes it, and I want to help him work to get help. Is it wrong to stay? But how can I walk away from six years with somebody that I love so much?

Former Member

Yes it can, provided he learns from it and sorts the problem.

Former Member

I dont think you should walk away. Throwing away six years and a guy who you clearly love alot over one incident? That would be wrong. He's seeking help for this by himself, without being forced into it which shows he wants to stop and change. That can only be good. Stay and support him through it, he's going to need it

Former Member

I agree with Lexi,

If he hadn't have taken the steps he has, then possibly it may have been better to split up, however he's taken two very major steps, going to a doctor and arranging AA

Whilst it may have not been the best way for it to happen, he has clearly realised that there is a issue and he needs help,

I think if you can support him, if he gets the help and works on this issue. then it can work.

Good luck, it sounds like he is a good guy, just made a mistake, although bad one, not a relationship ender in my opinion

Former Member

Thanksfor the advice. I guess we need to just take baby steps to get better. I want to support him, but i also think he needs to do some stuff alone. Should one of us stay somewhere else for a while? And what to do about Xmas?!

Former Member

Of course it is not ok, that he became a bit palpable with you, but he didn't hit you and people can do really unexpected things when blindly drunk. Not that this should be an excuse, but it makes it comprehensible and does not mean he is per se a violent person. He really needs to get his drinking in check, so support him there. This is not something to give a good relationship up.

Boomboompow wrote: »

Should one of us stay somewhere else for a while? And what to do about Xmas?!

No, I think you are overreacting. I know it sounds as if I condone his behavior, but he did a mistake in a state he didn't really have power over himself. Show him that you can be forgiving, if he learns from this.

Former Member

its not ok that hes done this, but i think throwing away 6 years over an isolated incident would be tragic.
He needs to cut out the drinking. Im glad hes trying to see a therapist.
Maybe this will be the catalyst that shows him he needs to change his behaviour

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

Of course it is not ok, that he became a bit palpable with you, but he didn't hit you and people can do really unexpected things when blindly drunk. Not that this should be an excuse, but it makes it comprehensible and does not mean he is per se a violent person. He really needs to get his drinking in check, so support him there. This is not something to give a good relationship up.



No, I think you are overreacting. I know it sounds as if I condone his behavior, but he did a mistake in a state he didn't really have power over himself. Show him that you can be forgiving, if he learns from this.

All of this ^

Former Member

SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »

its not ok that hes done this, but i think throwing away 6 years over an isolated incident would be tragic.

:thumb:

AA isn't just about giving up. It can be about managing your drinking, which IMO is what he needs. I used to be an alcoholic but i still drink, ocassionally. I never get past the 'slightly merry' phase anymore because i know when to stop or if i'm going to be out for some time have 1-2 soft drinks for every alcoholic ones i have.