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I know he loves me, but we rarely have sex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am engaged to one of the most loving and attentive men I have ever met. He cooks for me, and is very affectionate as far as cuddiling and hugging goes. However, we only have sex about once a month. He tells me that there is nothing wrong with me and he thinks I am gorgeous and desirable. Yet, if I bring up the subject of making love, he gets complacent and doesn't want to talk about it. I know he isn't cheating on me, so please in your replies don't mention that. He talks about having a family and says he cannot wait for me to be his wife. When we first got together, we had sex almost every day. I miss the intimacy of it, the closeness it brings. Now, when we do have sex, it is enjoyable for me half of the time... if I ask him to do something different he gets defensive and says that he must not be what I want. He says things like he is not good enough for me and that I criticize too much. I want him to make love to me, not just have sex. So, if I say anything about what I want in bed, I know it will be at least 2 or 3 weeks before we will have it again. He also drinks often. And it seems that is the only time he gets in the mood. But, when he is drinking, he cannot stay aroused and we end up just stopping and going to sleep instead.
All other aspects of our relationship are great, and I love him with all my heart. I know we should probably go to some kind of therapy, but if I bring that up he just shoots down the idea and clams up for at least a day or two. I just don't know what to do. I have needs and want to feel sexy and desirable. Telling me and showing me are two different things, and I need to feel as if I am a desirable woman. Any advice or insight as to what is going on in his head? Please help, but be considerate in your replies, as I am a bit on the sensitive side.

Comments

  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hey, welcome to TheSite.org :wave:

    I've noticed you've posted this thread in the sex forum too - on these boards people tend to scout all the forums and so it can get confusing to follow two discussions on the same topic, so I'm going to close this one and look out for replies in the other one. :thumb:
This discussion has been closed.